Confession is good for the soul...right?

Ok, I'm going to 'fess up to all of the very bad things I've been doing lately. I've made a promise to myself to get my shit in gear and try take better care of myself, try to make myself feel better and get out of some very bad habits I've been in lately.

I figure, if I tell all y'all out there what I'm needing/trying to do, then it's public, and (in theory at least) I'll be more motivated to follow through. Right? Especially since I gave Andy the address for the blog...knowing that my doctor can read this now should act as a powerful motivator.

So is my upcoming high school reunion.

Well, and there's always the concept of feeling decent and getting better as a motivator too.

What a revolutionary thought.

So, lots of reasons to NOT eat the palm-full of cinnamon red hots I just put in my mouth...

The plan is to start going cold emu, as I'm calling it, on Monday. Why Monday, you ask? Mainly because I need to gather a few supplies, and I'm not sure if I'll get my ass out to get them today or tomorrow. Saturday and Sunday, the kids are home from school, and I'm really not sure that's the best day to cut out sugar, caffeine, empty carbs and all that fun stuff. Frankly, I don't think that would be very nice of me to them, since I will most likely be home alone with all three on Saturday for a while, and with just Anna on Sunday while Lloyd and the boys go to an air show. I will start over the weekend, but not go fully cold emu until Monday. (Emus are very big birds...much bigger than turkeys. Cold emu/cold turkey - get it?)

By now you may be wondering what the problem is. Basically, I'm in one of my phases I get every so often where I've gotten off track in my diet, exercise and medication supplements. I am taking my meds properly, don't worry - it's just that I'm supposed to also be taking a whole

bunch of supplements to go along with them and help them work, and I haven't been doing it. I've been very bad about that, and a lot of other things...

• I don't eat food. Not real meals anyway. I eat a piece of cheese here, a spoonful of cottage cheese there, a few cheddar-chipotle crackers over there, and some Double-Stuf Golden Oreos over here. And then there's the red hots... On any given day, I might eat one actual meal. Maybe. Now, there's definitely nothing wrong with my snacking on string cheese and fresh, marinated mozzarella balls. They just can't be my whole meal! I know that eating breakfast jump-starts your metabolism, and I should eat at least two more small meals beyond that. At least. I'm eating Special K with soy milk right now. Good me.

• And usually when I do eat pseudo-meals, they're pretty pathetic too. High calorie, high glycemic load, low nutritional value.
• I have been on a complete sugar binge. The aforementioned red hots have been a major player, but lots of their friends from the Penny Candy Store have made their way home with me too. I've discovered that sucking on hard candies actually really helps with the dry-mouth I get from some of my meds and stuff. That's no problem in moderation...see the key word in that sentance? Moderation does not mean constant unconscious consumption while lost in reading a good book. It's HELL on my blood sugar (and I've been getting away with murder in relation to that!) and it actually prevents me from eating food because I'm pretty much always full. I'm down to my last tiny bit of red hots and I won't get any more. I can resist everything else I have very easily, but not those! Monday, no candy at all, no Oreos, nada - gotta get my entire system cleansed off the sugar addiction.
• Caffeine is my friend.....but I have to change my delivery system. I managed to sort of accidentally get hooked back on the infamous Diet Dr. Pepper. Sadly, my favorite drink in the entire universe tends to eat holes in my stomach and give me lovely acid reflux problems. At least for a while, I'm going to cut caffeine out entirely if I can without monster headaches, except for maybe tea. Eventually, I'll go back to coffee to get my caffeine fix. It seems to cause my tummy far less trouble.
• Dogs........Yes, I have a dog problem, because I have some dramatically under-walked dogs. I've got three of the greatest exercise machines ever invented here, and I'm not making use of them! That's not fair to them and not good for me. It's a bit of a juggling act, yes, because I can only walk two of them at a time, but I need to get moving more for all of our sakes. Maybe I need to practice triple walking outside in the court and see if I can do it.

• Exercise in general has been lacking too. I really wanted to get started with yoga classes, and the universe really did not want me to. Every time it was class time,something happened. Every time! I finally gave up and started just practicing at home every day, but my practice time keeps getting smaller and smaller and I'm down to about 5 minutes a day. Not enough!!
• And sleep! Even sleep is a problem! (See how horrible I've been lately?!!!) I get up with Stella at around 6, and usually end up taking a nap in the late afternoon. That used to work - she actually used to get up earlier and I would nap for a shorter time. As time has passed, it's wound up that I'm sleeping from 2 or 3 until 6 or 7 in the evening. Since I'm not getting out of bed until 7 pm, my internal clock is totally screwed up, and my body isn't ready to fall back asleep until the wee hours. The end result is that now I'm sleeping about 8 hours total, in 4 hours shifts. Bad, bad, bad! I don't ever feel rested, I constantly crave sleep, and I could sleep any time I have the chance, except from 10 pm (when we head up to bed) to 1/1:30 am. Why is that?!! It's totally not fair.

SO, I think that explains most of the problem........and is a full public confession of my sins!!

What am I going to do to fix all of these problems?

Stay tuned for my next entry...because to start with, I'm going back to bed. I'll work on the recovery plan when I get up. :-)