FINALLY...sheesh. The whole season so far has felt pretty BLAH, like it's August or something. Just nothing there, bad or good. I never, ever would have guessed what it would take to turn things around for me. It was really something rather small-ish, and one of the last things I personally EVER would have asked Santa to bring me: another kid.
Yup, you read that right.
See, the child in question is one of nature's most perfect species, The Grandchild.
Then again, she is also a pretty damned sweet, smart, adorable and perfect example of that perfect species. ;-> NOT that I'm biased or anything, because I am absolutely not.
But anyway, Lloyd decided that since he was down visiting with his Dad, brother and other relatives down in Jason's neck of the wood, AND since Jason, Chrissy & the kids would be coming here on Thursday for their Christmas visit, he'd just bring Juliet home with him. Somehow or another, it was just the thing. I'm apparently incapable of keeping my holiday blahs in place while she's around.
They're going home after dinner on Xmas eve which kind of bums me out, because I love watching her and Wyatt open their gifts. But, it will be good for them to have Santa come to their own house this year too. Earlier today she asked me, in the most pleading, wheedling little voice ever, if she could open just one of her presents while she was here. I got a huge kick out of watching her reaction when I told her that unless her mommy had a problem with it (there's a very valid reason why her mommy might might need her to wait on one of them) the she got to open ALL of them. Serious grandparent moment there!!!
She is just such a happy little being that I guess it rubs off. She bops around the house, playing here, torturing a teenaged uncle there, and telling me that she likes doing chores. Well, chores not including helping Anna clean her pit. Juliet said the same thing we're all thinking - " I just don't know where to start!" before she gave up. Luckily, she likes making cookies with me even better, so I've been finding ways to keep her occupied and feeling " useful." Tomorrow will be a heavy baking kind of day around here.
I'm just glad I've slid further over from Grinch to Who on the official Who-ville Christmas Spirit Meter, which I totally just made up right now. I was feeling pretty Grinchy there for a while.
Christmas IS coming, whether we want it to one not, and there is still lots to do to get ready, but I'm up an elf, so I have more help than usual.
Ho ho ho!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
And the result was....
(the results of the CT/angio performed this afternoon are....). NEGATIVE for any blood clots, which is what they were looking for, and shows no changes to all the other random stuff in there.
This means YAY, Good, Happy Day, skip and single a jaunty little tune.
I'm going to sleep as as soon as humanly possible!!!
This means YAY, Good, Happy Day, skip and single a jaunty little tune.
I'm going to sleep as as soon as humanly possible!!!
Update!
Well, there is sort of an update that I have to squeeze in here before it's time to leave.
I saw Roni yesterday, Dr. Mazj's PA. (physicians assistant) That's normal, as I see one or the other of them the day before each chemo.
In telling her what had been going on since our last chat, I had to tell her about some chest pain incidents I'd had a few times. I know from what the doctor told me that these pains had nothing at all to do with my cancer - they were allergy/asthma/flu kind of pains associated with a cough or congestion, or were very obviously part of an anxiety attack in progress.
But, I had to tell her. She had to tell Dr. Mazj.
::sigh::
SO, instead of JUST having chemo today, I am having an angio-CT, and THEN chemo. Grr.
I'll let the Internet explain:
"CT imaging uses special x-ray equipment to produce multiple images and a computer to join them together in multidimensional views. In CT angiography (CTA), computed tomography using a contrast material is injected into a peripheral vein to produce detailed images of both blood vessels and tissues."
Yeah, that. Other than the IV, it's painless. Hopefully, it will use the same CT machine I've been thru before, which will make it non-claustrophobic as well.
Despite all of that useful knowledge, I am still more than slightly anxiety-attacked about it all. I don't have the slightest idea why, but there you have it.
The results of all of my scans come back fast, and I'm usually getting them done down in Chico. Since this is being done right there at the hospital, I wouldn't be surprised if he had the results tomorrow when I come back for my Neulasta shot or even sometime during my long chemo day today.
Needless to say (thanks to the wifi at the hospital), I will have he results posted up here just as soon as I get them. If there is anything noteworthy to add this afternoon, I will make sure to get it up here, so watch this space!
I saw Roni yesterday, Dr. Mazj's PA. (physicians assistant) That's normal, as I see one or the other of them the day before each chemo.
In telling her what had been going on since our last chat, I had to tell her about some chest pain incidents I'd had a few times. I know from what the doctor told me that these pains had nothing at all to do with my cancer - they were allergy/asthma/flu kind of pains associated with a cough or congestion, or were very obviously part of an anxiety attack in progress.
But, I had to tell her. She had to tell Dr. Mazj.
::sigh::
SO, instead of JUST having chemo today, I am having an angio-CT, and THEN chemo. Grr.
I'll let the Internet explain:
"CT imaging uses special x-ray equipment to produce multiple images and a computer to join them together in multidimensional views. In CT angiography (CTA), computed tomography using a contrast material is injected into a peripheral vein to produce detailed images of both blood vessels and tissues."
Yeah, that. Other than the IV, it's painless. Hopefully, it will use the same CT machine I've been thru before, which will make it non-claustrophobic as well.
Despite all of that useful knowledge, I am still more than slightly anxiety-attacked about it all. I don't have the slightest idea why, but there you have it.
The results of all of my scans come back fast, and I'm usually getting them done down in Chico. Since this is being done right there at the hospital, I wouldn't be surprised if he had the results tomorrow when I come back for my Neulasta shot or even sometime during my long chemo day today.
Needless to say (thanks to the wifi at the hospital), I will have he results posted up here just as soon as I get them. If there is anything noteworthy to add this afternoon, I will make sure to get it up here, so watch this space!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
'tis the season, part 2
And, after setting an alarm for eight am, so I could get up and out early to do my final bits of shopping, we realized that our plan (out @10; shop in Chico, eat lunch, head up he mountain for 2:30 gastro appt) had a huge, Labradork-shaped hole in it......that would be the Labradork, who has to stay in her kennel/crate while we're gone. So far, four to five hours is about the limit we've attuned her to, and the above plan works out to something like six or seven. The new plan is to go shopping after my appointment, and dinner instead of lunch, which leaves me with several hours this morning to spare. My darling husband has the enviable ability to go (back) to sleep just about any time, any where, for any reason, but I do not, and thus am curled up with a dog in my armpit and a tablet on my lap.
Other than getting ready for Christmas, and trying to reduce my festivities to a manageable level, there has really been very little to update all y'all on. I thought I was done shopping, until I realized that I wasn't. That was a serious downer, considering I had done every bit of it via the Internet and one husband-dispatch to Target. I personally haven't set foot in a single store other than CVS in close to a month, and I was quite proud.
Toning down the celebration feels almost like more work than not toning it down would have been. I have to make a thousand decisions about what stays, what goes, what I do myself, and what I pass off to a kid. The kids really are used to me doing most things, or me and Anna; so I have to constantly consciously remind myself to force the boys to get off their computers and get involved. Thankfully it hasn't been hard - they've been pretty willing to go along when I tell them that after dinner, the three of the are going to finish the tree, period, end of story. I just can't do it now, and passing the job along to the three of them feels simultaneously good and like a huge loss. Well, mostly it feels like cheating.
I keep saying I have to enjoy every holiday I have as much as possible, but I just can't get up much enthusiasm for celebrating. Then again, I don't have much enthusiasm for anything except sleeping, and here I have the morning suddenly free, and I'm typing instead of snoring. Figures. Then again, again, there is a man, a cat, and three dogs in this bed, and not a hell of a lot of room left to stretch out! When we got this nice big bed, we thought we'd finally have enough room...instead, we added a dog. They need to make a bed size bigger than king, and call it "Pet" or "Dog" size - like a Cal King plus another double or something.
Anyway...
I have no idea where I was going with this, or if I was going anywhere.
It's probably time to wrap this up and check in with the rest of my life before its time to get ready to go visit my latest new doctor. (as if I needed any more, right?)
As always, I will try to keep this more up to date, and as always, I will probably fail. It's worth a shot! I hope all of you are having a wonderful holiday season. I'm trying to do that too!!
Other than getting ready for Christmas, and trying to reduce my festivities to a manageable level, there has really been very little to update all y'all on. I thought I was done shopping, until I realized that I wasn't. That was a serious downer, considering I had done every bit of it via the Internet and one husband-dispatch to Target. I personally haven't set foot in a single store other than CVS in close to a month, and I was quite proud.
Toning down the celebration feels almost like more work than not toning it down would have been. I have to make a thousand decisions about what stays, what goes, what I do myself, and what I pass off to a kid. The kids really are used to me doing most things, or me and Anna; so I have to constantly consciously remind myself to force the boys to get off their computers and get involved. Thankfully it hasn't been hard - they've been pretty willing to go along when I tell them that after dinner, the three of the are going to finish the tree, period, end of story. I just can't do it now, and passing the job along to the three of them feels simultaneously good and like a huge loss. Well, mostly it feels like cheating.
I keep saying I have to enjoy every holiday I have as much as possible, but I just can't get up much enthusiasm for celebrating. Then again, I don't have much enthusiasm for anything except sleeping, and here I have the morning suddenly free, and I'm typing instead of snoring. Figures. Then again, again, there is a man, a cat, and three dogs in this bed, and not a hell of a lot of room left to stretch out! When we got this nice big bed, we thought we'd finally have enough room...instead, we added a dog. They need to make a bed size bigger than king, and call it "Pet" or "Dog" size - like a Cal King plus another double or something.
Anyway...
I have no idea where I was going with this, or if I was going anywhere.
It's probably time to wrap this up and check in with the rest of my life before its time to get ready to go visit my latest new doctor. (as if I needed any more, right?)
As always, I will try to keep this more up to date, and as always, I will probably fail. It's worth a shot! I hope all of you are having a wonderful holiday season. I'm trying to do that too!!
'tis the Season!
'tis the season for absolute exhaustion, is what it 'tis the season FOR.
Could someone please remind me how I used to do all this stuff AND have a job and something of a life? I once remember going to three Christmas parties in a single day, and now I'm doing great if I can make it up the stairs three times in a day.
Anna is, as always, being an incredible helper and head elf, wrapping, decorating and anything else I ask her for help with. I just can't keep up with her, and like every other occasion that comes around these days, *this* Christmas is the one where I have to stop, sit down, and reevaluate absolutely everything I'm trying to do. And, inevitably, cut what I'm trying to do in half, then half again........and probably in half again.
And as I write that, I realize that it is 12:54--- and that I have to get up early in the morning to go shopping, (because I discovered that I am definitely not done shopping for my head elf) and THEN head up the mountain for an appointment with a man who will probably want to stick things up my butt. Yep, I made an appointment for that privilege. Gastroenterologists have the best jobs.
SO, more later. I just wanted to drop in and let everyone know I'm still alive! Chemo this week, whee!!
Stay tuned.
Could someone please remind me how I used to do all this stuff AND have a job and something of a life? I once remember going to three Christmas parties in a single day, and now I'm doing great if I can make it up the stairs three times in a day.
Anna is, as always, being an incredible helper and head elf, wrapping, decorating and anything else I ask her for help with. I just can't keep up with her, and like every other occasion that comes around these days, *this* Christmas is the one where I have to stop, sit down, and reevaluate absolutely everything I'm trying to do. And, inevitably, cut what I'm trying to do in half, then half again........and probably in half again.
And as I write that, I realize that it is 12:54--- and that I have to get up early in the morning to go shopping, (because I discovered that I am definitely not done shopping for my head elf) and THEN head up the mountain for an appointment with a man who will probably want to stick things up my butt. Yep, I made an appointment for that privilege. Gastroenterologists have the best jobs.
SO, more later. I just wanted to drop in and let everyone know I'm still alive! Chemo this week, whee!!
Stay tuned.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
No fair!
Absolutely not fair!
I went to see Andy yesterday, and now I have until Monday "off." (since going to doctors and dentists js basically my "job," I always feel like days we can stay home are like days off work.)
SO, what happens when I have four free days in front of me? C'mon, you all know the answer to this one: I GET SICK.
Of course!!!
I woke up at four, or some other ungodly hour, shivering so hard my teeth were slamming into each other, chattering. I had to put a wad of gauze in my mouth to bite on and not break my remaining teeth. Bundled up in a robe and hat and popped some ibuprofen to break the 100.4 fever. Oh, what joy! When I woke up again around seven, I still had the fever, but the shivering had stopped. Another dose of ibu and naproxen, and the fever finally broke around 8. Thank god, because if I have a fever of 100.5 or higher, I have to go to the cancer center or ER - chemo rules. I just missed it this time.
So now I have a congested everything; am dizzy as hell; feel kind of like I'm hung over; have a sore throat and a cough; have massive body aches, like you get with the flu; and have a major seeing-spots kind of headache.
Why?
What did I do?
Could someone out there please speak with the-powers-that-be and get this stopped?
I went to see Andy yesterday, and now I have until Monday "off." (since going to doctors and dentists js basically my "job," I always feel like days we can stay home are like days off work.)
SO, what happens when I have four free days in front of me? C'mon, you all know the answer to this one: I GET SICK.
Of course!!!
I woke up at four, or some other ungodly hour, shivering so hard my teeth were slamming into each other, chattering. I had to put a wad of gauze in my mouth to bite on and not break my remaining teeth. Bundled up in a robe and hat and popped some ibuprofen to break the 100.4 fever. Oh, what joy! When I woke up again around seven, I still had the fever, but the shivering had stopped. Another dose of ibu and naproxen, and the fever finally broke around 8. Thank god, because if I have a fever of 100.5 or higher, I have to go to the cancer center or ER - chemo rules. I just missed it this time.
So now I have a congested everything; am dizzy as hell; feel kind of like I'm hung over; have a sore throat and a cough; have massive body aches, like you get with the flu; and have a major seeing-spots kind of headache.
Why?
What did I do?
Could someone out there please speak with the-powers-that-be and get this stopped?
Monday, November 29, 2010
Hello winter!
Dude! All of a sudden it is COOOOOOOLD around here!Leaving for the dentist this morning marked our first time scraping frost and ice off the car before we could go anywhere. Everything on our side of the street was white and gorgeous, covered in frost.
Not too many updates of any importance...
Thanksgiving was nice, with Dad and Chris up. Chris helped me cook, and that was a very welcome thing. We cooked, we ate, and we even took a trip out to an indian casino. It was nice to get out of the house a little bit, but it did wear me out. Even with all Chris' help, I still managed to over-do it, and landed myself in bed for a couple of days afterward. Ah well.
The Venofer infusions I was getting (iron) weren't working out too well - I was getting ridiculous headaches and even vomited blood once - so we stopped those until I see the doctor again.
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to see a gastro doc to try and figure out WHY I was vomiting blood, and why my scans are still showing slight intestinal obstructions. That doubtlessly means a colonoscopy or endoscopy or both. I'm looking forward to those OH SO MUCH, as I'm sure you can imagine.
December marks my last Taxol chemo treatment, which might be great or might be....bleh. In January we're going to switch to a drug called Topotecan, which will be infusions every week, 3 weeks on and 1 week off. We're going to be very, very tired, but there is a chance that the Taxol I've been getting all this time hasn't been doing a thing, since I have had growth in the tumors, slow as it's been. Maybe the new drug will stop the growth entirely; maybe it will do nothing.
I've got to give it a shot though, because any growth is bad growth, as far as I'm concerned!
Until then, it's all about getting ready for the holidays. Pea was less than enthused about her photo session for our annual strange Christmas card, but that's ok. You'll all get to see the final results soon enough.
And now, it's bedtime...
More soon. Happy Winter everyone!!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Ahh, the joy of chemo...
NOT.
Well, I've had two Venofer treatments, my labs and my visit with Roni, Dr. Mazj's physician's assistant. Two days down, one to go... THIS WEEK. As of yesterday, when the rest of my Venofer treatments were worked out, I'm so over-scheduled, I'm not sure how either Lloyd or I are going to take it. It's going to be a lot like the days when we were doing radiation and chemo at the same time and heading up the mountain five days a week.
Next week isn't bad at all, yet. I have the remainder of my root canal treatment to finish on Monday, with a trek up the mountain on Tuesday for Venofer. That will let me have a little bit of a break after chemo, and still have time to get in all oif my Thanksgiving shopping, prep and cooking without being too pressed for time. I usually try to prep as much in advance as I can, but Chris has been drafted as my sous-chef for the holiday so I've got my back covered this year.
After my holiday break, it's one hell of a week. Monday, six fillings; Tuesday, Venofer; Wednesday, Andy; Thursday & Friday, Venofer. Urgh!!
The following week is almost as bad - Monday, Venofer; Tuesday, three fillings; Wednesday, Venofer; Friday, Venofer. At least I've got Thursday off that week.
The week after that, we're back at chemo week, so it's an exact copy of this week, with the doctor's visit, chemo and Neulasta on top of three Venofer infusions.
I'm getting tired just reading this, and having trouble figuring out where in all of that I'm going to do Chrismas shopping, wrapping and all the other holiday tasks. I'm having the sudden (very sudden!) realization that I'm going to have to cut back on what I plan to do, and make really damned good use of the little time I do have!! Hello Mr. Anxiety Attack!
I just got up for my every-ten-minute potty break, and now I'm REALLY depressed. The shower is overrun by ants - still. We started treating last night, choosing to put a bait disk in there, so they might kill some back at the nest, instead of just spraying it. This morning, we'll have to spray, but it does look like the bait disk has had booming business overnight. This is only day....er, 10? 12? Longer? in our ongoing battle to reclaim the house from the ants. The kitchen and pantry have been under constant attack, with side flanks hitting all three bathroom. This could put an even bigger damper on any holiday baking I try to do!!!
And, whoever plans layout for our local newspaper should be given a lesson in compassion. The obits belong somewhere appropriate, likejj behind the last page of the classifieds, not on the page before the comics. Seeing familiar faces of two women, one young and one older, who request donations to the Feather River Hospital Cancer Center and Hospice didn't help out my anxiety or depression much at all.
It's going to be an interesting month ahead. It's time now to go hit the catalogs and work on some Christmas shopping.
SO, no one's going to be shocked when I don't post very often, now, are they?!
Well, I've had two Venofer treatments, my labs and my visit with Roni, Dr. Mazj's physician's assistant. Two days down, one to go... THIS WEEK. As of yesterday, when the rest of my Venofer treatments were worked out, I'm so over-scheduled, I'm not sure how either Lloyd or I are going to take it. It's going to be a lot like the days when we were doing radiation and chemo at the same time and heading up the mountain five days a week.
Next week isn't bad at all, yet. I have the remainder of my root canal treatment to finish on Monday, with a trek up the mountain on Tuesday for Venofer. That will let me have a little bit of a break after chemo, and still have time to get in all oif my Thanksgiving shopping, prep and cooking without being too pressed for time. I usually try to prep as much in advance as I can, but Chris has been drafted as my sous-chef for the holiday so I've got my back covered this year.
After my holiday break, it's one hell of a week. Monday, six fillings; Tuesday, Venofer; Wednesday, Andy; Thursday & Friday, Venofer. Urgh!!
The following week is almost as bad - Monday, Venofer; Tuesday, three fillings; Wednesday, Venofer; Friday, Venofer. At least I've got Thursday off that week.
The week after that, we're back at chemo week, so it's an exact copy of this week, with the doctor's visit, chemo and Neulasta on top of three Venofer infusions.
I'm getting tired just reading this, and having trouble figuring out where in all of that I'm going to do Chrismas shopping, wrapping and all the other holiday tasks. I'm having the sudden (very sudden!) realization that I'm going to have to cut back on what I plan to do, and make really damned good use of the little time I do have!! Hello Mr. Anxiety Attack!
I just got up for my every-ten-minute potty break, and now I'm REALLY depressed. The shower is overrun by ants - still. We started treating last night, choosing to put a bait disk in there, so they might kill some back at the nest, instead of just spraying it. This morning, we'll have to spray, but it does look like the bait disk has had booming business overnight. This is only day....er, 10? 12? Longer? in our ongoing battle to reclaim the house from the ants. The kitchen and pantry have been under constant attack, with side flanks hitting all three bathroom. This could put an even bigger damper on any holiday baking I try to do!!!
And, whoever plans layout for our local newspaper should be given a lesson in compassion. The obits belong somewhere appropriate, likejj behind the last page of the classifieds, not on the page before the comics. Seeing familiar faces of two women, one young and one older, who request donations to the Feather River Hospital Cancer Center and Hospice didn't help out my anxiety or depression much at all.
It's going to be an interesting month ahead. It's time now to go hit the catalogs and work on some Christmas shopping.
SO, no one's going to be shocked when I don't post very often, now, are they?!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Ok, I'm back
Well, I hadn't felt much like writing when lost Boo, but I'm back.
More specifically, I'm in the cancer center infusion room, waiting my turn for one of the very busy, overloaded fantastic nurses to come and puncture me, and then set me up with my infusions for the day. I'm supposed to be getting a red cell booster infusion each of the next three days, along with chemo tomorrow, and Neulasta shot on Friday, so this should be interesting. I think I've had this drug before, but I can't really remember what it was like or if I had a reaction to it or not, so I have no idea what to expect.
I guess we'll see, won't we?
Along with being kind of generally depressed after losing my birdie, I've also had some generally miserable days in the recent past. I had one day ( I can't remember which day for the life of me) where I woke up with a migraine so bad that I spent the entire day, early morning till night, alternating between sleeping and sitting on the bathroom floor barfing my guts out. I couldn't keep anything down, my anti-nausea meds did zilch for me - including the suppositories - and nothing would touch the pain. It was truly the worst thing I have experienced in a very long time. Actually, I've got more than a little bit of a sinus-y headache going now, but I'm crossing my fingers. And my port hurts, damn it. It just randomly hurts sometimes, but this is the first time its hurt while it's been accessed (meaning while its punctured while I'm up here getting an infusion) so I'm a little surprised.
There really hasn't been a lot going on to write about, truthfully. One exciting thing- I got the results of my bone scan: NO metastatic disease in the bone! Whoo-hoo!! That is the one thing that mattered. It did show some sinus problems - not shocking AT ALL!
Otherwise' I've been getting my dental work done, bit by bit, and had sort of a double root canal yesterday. I say sort of because they weren't able to fully finish it in the time we had. I was having a weird day yesrday, where I kept falling asleep constantly, and I slept through the whole thing! I'm not complaining, but it's weird.
I am complaining about this growing headache I have...its making it hard for me to see to type this, so I think I'm going to sign off and try again tomorrow during chemo. I know this isn't the greatest or most exciting entry, but I know that all of you will live. I shared the bone scan result, and that was the important thing.
I'm going to take a nap. More later!
More specifically, I'm in the cancer center infusion room, waiting my turn for one of the very busy, overloaded fantastic nurses to come and puncture me, and then set me up with my infusions for the day. I'm supposed to be getting a red cell booster infusion each of the next three days, along with chemo tomorrow, and Neulasta shot on Friday, so this should be interesting. I think I've had this drug before, but I can't really remember what it was like or if I had a reaction to it or not, so I have no idea what to expect.
I guess we'll see, won't we?
Along with being kind of generally depressed after losing my birdie, I've also had some generally miserable days in the recent past. I had one day ( I can't remember which day for the life of me) where I woke up with a migraine so bad that I spent the entire day, early morning till night, alternating between sleeping and sitting on the bathroom floor barfing my guts out. I couldn't keep anything down, my anti-nausea meds did zilch for me - including the suppositories - and nothing would touch the pain. It was truly the worst thing I have experienced in a very long time. Actually, I've got more than a little bit of a sinus-y headache going now, but I'm crossing my fingers. And my port hurts, damn it. It just randomly hurts sometimes, but this is the first time its hurt while it's been accessed (meaning while its punctured while I'm up here getting an infusion) so I'm a little surprised.
There really hasn't been a lot going on to write about, truthfully. One exciting thing- I got the results of my bone scan: NO metastatic disease in the bone! Whoo-hoo!! That is the one thing that mattered. It did show some sinus problems - not shocking AT ALL!
Otherwise' I've been getting my dental work done, bit by bit, and had sort of a double root canal yesterday. I say sort of because they weren't able to fully finish it in the time we had. I was having a weird day yesrday, where I kept falling asleep constantly, and I slept through the whole thing! I'm not complaining, but it's weird.
I am complaining about this growing headache I have...its making it hard for me to see to type this, so I think I'm going to sign off and try again tomorrow during chemo. I know this isn't the greatest or most exciting entry, but I know that all of you will live. I shared the bone scan result, and that was the important thing.
I'm going to take a nap. More later!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Milestones
I just noticed, as I went to write this entry, that this is post number 301 on this blog. I never imagined I'd have 300 things to say to anyone!
But, I do have a sad milestone to report today too. After more than 14 years, 11(?) homes and four companions, my poor little Elvis Booboo left me sometime in the night.
He was wanting tons of love and affection yesterday, and now I think he was saying goodbye. I said goodnight to him and turned on his warmie-pad, and Lloyd found him there in the bottom of the cage today, still nestled near his heating pad.
It's been a rough day, but I wrapped him up in a cloth and we took him to the vet and at least I was able to hold him for that last ride. He'll be coming back to us soon. You may think that sounds silly, for a bird, but I think anyone who sticks with me for fourteen years has earned some respect.
He was my friend, honestly, and the house is going to seem far too quiet and still without him.
RIP Boobird.
But, I do have a sad milestone to report today too. After more than 14 years, 11(?) homes and four companions, my poor little Elvis Booboo left me sometime in the night.
He was wanting tons of love and affection yesterday, and now I think he was saying goodbye. I said goodnight to him and turned on his warmie-pad, and Lloyd found him there in the bottom of the cage today, still nestled near his heating pad.
It's been a rough day, but I wrapped him up in a cloth and we took him to the vet and at least I was able to hold him for that last ride. He'll be coming back to us soon. You may think that sounds silly, for a bird, but I think anyone who sticks with me for fourteen years has earned some respect.
He was my friend, honestly, and the house is going to seem far too quiet and still without him.
RIP Boobird.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Very much spoooooooky-like-ness-ing
And as usual, Halloween was once again THE premier holiday for the Irwin household. The way we do Halloween makes most people's Christmas celebration and decoration efforts look pretty anemic, if I do say so myself.It is very much a whole-family holiday. Lloyd and the kids decorate the hell out of the yard in advance, and top it off as it's getting dark that night. (light-up ICE CUBES, anyone?! Yes, we still have a good number that worked, and this is year seven!!!).
Giant graveyard on the lawn, check; anything that can be draped in black fabric or covered in glow sticks, IS, check; spooks created from cheesecloth, discarded net curtains, check. Boys with voice-changers, tiny hidden mp3 player speakers, faceless masks and red glowing eyes hiding in the bushes with bags full of cans full of pennies...check, check check!!!
I had some great half-formed ideas for giant spiders out of the bottom ring of a papasan chair and how to best use my wheelchair, but alas they were too late for this year.
So, we had to settle for the two-
So, we had to settle for the two-
or three- hundred other things we did....Anna was feeling pretty bummed over the whole thought of being too old to go trick or treating, and a the last weeks and days counted down to the holiday, I caved. First I said to invite her two best friends over, just to run around outside or whatever. Then I gave in on the trick or treating too. What the fuck, she's only young once, right? Young enough to still go, but also old enough that I was able to let her and Christa go out for a while on their own.
Let me clarify though: We checked the Megan's law site. She was given a precise set of streets she was allowed to be on and no further. They were nicely visible thanks to many glowsticks (& Christa's shiny white patent knee-high platform go-go boots!) There was a curfew, they knew not to consider eating a single thing they collected AND I had her on walkie-talkie the whole time.
Let me clarify though: We checked the Megan's law site. She was given a precise set of streets she was allowed to be on and no further. They were nicely visible thanks to many glowsticks (& Christa's shiny white patent knee-high platform go-go boots!) There was a curfew, they knew not to consider eating a single thing they collected AND I had her on walkie-talkie the whole time.
Freedom on a very short leash. ;->
But, because of all those things and knowing our housing tract-neighborhood, I was able to feel very, very comfortable letting her have her freedom, and the two girls had an absolute blast-plus. Maybe next year she won't want to do it again, but I've alre
ady decided to let her. Like I said, she's only going to be this age once.
The boys, once they aged out of the door-to-door thing, made up their own routine for the holiday. They both have big black shroud kind of things with those hood masks that make you look like you're faceless. Under that, at least one of them had glowing red eyes, which look eerie as all hell.
The boys, once they aged out of the door-to-door thing, made up their own routine for the holiday. They both have big black shroud kind of things with those hood masks that make you look like you're faceless. Under that, at least one of them had glowing red eyes, which look eerie as all hell.
They take turns sitting in a black draped chair, with black draping covering their feet and such, and play statue, candy bucket between the feet. For younger kids (the ones brave enough to come all the way up the walk!!), they just give out the candy. For the tiny ones with pink wings, I often have to intervene and bring the candy down to the sidewalk, that's HOW good they are!!
While one is in the chair, the other is somewhere in the bushes with a bag full of soda cans, with a handful of pennies thrown in for better noisemaking.
Older kids, see, are fair game...... Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
You should hear the screams!! Oh, it is glorious! Teenage girls are the best prey - of course. They do such a great job that our house is now widely known in Gridley as THAT HOUSE - "you know, that one house with the guys who don't move?!"
I was across the street talking to Jamie at one point and when I looked back across at our house, we had a LINE. A LINE!! All the way down the walkway to the driveway, with screams emanating from the porch. I wanted a camera so badly right then.
Older kids, see, are fair game...... Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
You should hear the screams!! Oh, it is glorious! Teenage girls are the best prey - of course. They do such a great job that our house is now widely known in Gridley as THAT HOUSE - "you know, that one house with the guys who don't move?!"
I was across the street talking to Jamie at one point and when I looked back across at our house, we had a LINE. A LINE!! All the way down the walkway to the driveway, with screams emanating from the porch. I wanted a camera so badly right then.
As for me, I decided to really go for it myself, costume-wise. As I told Jamie, not to be morbid, but, I have no idea how many Halloweens I have to feel up and perky enough to do it, so I didn't want to miss it. My costume was very deceptively simple, but I got masses of compliments!
I was a Christmas tree!!
I was a Christmas tree!!
The idea was stolen from a long-ago coworker, but the execution was all mine, with prop styling by the Dollar Tree store. My main tree-part was a giantly fluffy green square dance petticoat with ornaments, battery powered LED lights, ornaments, etc. Other than fixing the lights in place and putting my "hat" ( garland wreath with a giant gold star) together, the rest was basically draping things artistically.
I was actually surprised at how much attention I got. Then again, I was the only brightly lit neon green Christmas tree running around in the dark.
I got tons of compliments from kids and adults both, but I also had one rather clueless family where the father wanted me to *dance* for him - what the fuck?! Do people just randomly ask other adults to dance on the sidewalk for them on Halloween in his world?! His horrid children kept sticking out bare hands at me saying "trick or treat!" over and over and then trying to remove and take my ornaments.
I'm going to be generous and assume that this was their first Halloween since sneaking across the border...... Ok, that was terrible of me but I was getting seriously grossed out by these people TOUCHING ME!! Yuck.
I should have thrown pumpkin guts at them.
But, aside from being groped by one nasty family, the rest of the night was a complete blast. All the kids were exhausted from the hard work hiding, scaring and walking, and we were exhausted from supervising the general chaos.
The boys are already plotting next year.......
Saturday, October 30, 2010
There's always a Bob (or a Bill)
See, now Pauline's story (see comments for "Have we met?") about Bob, the nice older gent at her chemo is just what I meant, only we have Bill.
At our cancer center, if you mention a certain type of person, everyone automatically says, "oh, like Bill." If you're a newbie and someone is trying to explain certain things, they might ask, "Have you met Bill yet?"
Bill, like Bob, is the nice older gent who somehow seems to be preternaturally happy about this whole affair. I've never met a wife, but then again I've only had chemo with Bill once. The first time I met him was my first go-round, when I attended the dermatology seminar. I was very, very new, and it must've shown, because a sweet lady named Eloise started filling me in on the workings of the seminar, and then the entire center, with Bill providing color commentary. Through Bill, I learned the iron-clad group rule about chemo: No whining, no crying, no feeling sorry for yourself, or the rest of the gang will descend upon you with some sort of unimaginable punishment. (like, maybe more chemo?!)
While I've since learned that (as I suspected from the start) they are really far nicer than they make themselves out to be, Bill and his gang of "lifers," like ME now, I guess(!) really do make an impression on you! Once you've heard Bill, I think most anyone would think three or four times about whining or why-me-ing in that room, and the nurses probably quietly worship him for it.
Hell, I've met the guy three times and I'll never forget. Mob justice? Positive peer pressure? All I know is that chemo is actually quite a pleasant place to be. People who haven't been there with me have a scarier image of the place, but to me it is the single safest place in the world, very calm, relaxing, and did I mention safe? The "no whiners" group philosophy keeps people laughing in what could be hell on earth! It's really not a bad fraternity to be in, all things considered.
Bill is just the embodiment of that attitude, a walking reminder that things could be far worse, because we ARE walking, talking and laughing, and not strapped to a bed somewhere deep in the bowels of the hospital.
I am far from being the outgoing type myself. I am never going to be the model patient that Bill and his long-lost brother Bob seem to be, but I guess being exposed to him and his brethren probably helps us all a bit. I STILL will never show up for chemo with nothing more than a newspaper & my reading glasses, but it's a start, right?
That little bit of hand-holding from Bill & Eloise at the beginning were invaluable and I have found myself reaching out to a couple of newcomers, trying to give them that same little bit of an introduction I got. And yes, I have even said to someone, "Have you met Bill yet?"
And yet....
This is again a story about the folks who are far better behaved than I!! Isn't there anyone snotty and bitchy out there?!! ::sigh::
Thank you, and rest in peace Eloise. I know I'm far from the only one w ho misses you.
At our cancer center, if you mention a certain type of person, everyone automatically says, "oh, like Bill." If you're a newbie and someone is trying to explain certain things, they might ask, "Have you met Bill yet?"
Bill, like Bob, is the nice older gent who somehow seems to be preternaturally happy about this whole affair. I've never met a wife, but then again I've only had chemo with Bill once. The first time I met him was my first go-round, when I attended the dermatology seminar. I was very, very new, and it must've shown, because a sweet lady named Eloise started filling me in on the workings of the seminar, and then the entire center, with Bill providing color commentary. Through Bill, I learned the iron-clad group rule about chemo: No whining, no crying, no feeling sorry for yourself, or the rest of the gang will descend upon you with some sort of unimaginable punishment. (like, maybe more chemo?!)
While I've since learned that (as I suspected from the start) they are really far nicer than they make themselves out to be, Bill and his gang of "lifers," like ME now, I guess(!) really do make an impression on you! Once you've heard Bill, I think most anyone would think three or four times about whining or why-me-ing in that room, and the nurses probably quietly worship him for it.
Hell, I've met the guy three times and I'll never forget. Mob justice? Positive peer pressure? All I know is that chemo is actually quite a pleasant place to be. People who haven't been there with me have a scarier image of the place, but to me it is the single safest place in the world, very calm, relaxing, and did I mention safe? The "no whiners" group philosophy keeps people laughing in what could be hell on earth! It's really not a bad fraternity to be in, all things considered.
Bill is just the embodiment of that attitude, a walking reminder that things could be far worse, because we ARE walking, talking and laughing, and not strapped to a bed somewhere deep in the bowels of the hospital.
I am far from being the outgoing type myself. I am never going to be the model patient that Bill and his long-lost brother Bob seem to be, but I guess being exposed to him and his brethren probably helps us all a bit. I STILL will never show up for chemo with nothing more than a newspaper & my reading glasses, but it's a start, right?
That little bit of hand-holding from Bill & Eloise at the beginning were invaluable and I have found myself reaching out to a couple of newcomers, trying to give them that same little bit of an introduction I got. And yes, I have even said to someone, "Have you met Bill yet?"
And yet....
This is again a story about the folks who are far better behaved than I!! Isn't there anyone snotty and bitchy out there?!! ::sigh::
Thank you, and rest in peace Eloise. I know I'm far from the only one w ho misses you.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Have we met?
This was going to be a comment in reply to a comment my Auntie Annie left on my last post, but I decided it should be it's own topic, since it's something that applies to nearly all the comments I get on here, elsewhere, in person, everywhere!
I am constantly shocked by people who think I have a good attitude about things - even "most of the time," or even some of the time. Do you seriously mean that there are people out there who are pissier, crabbier, whinier, lazier, less graceful, side-effect-ier and hermit-i-er than me?! I thinkmy poor long-suffering husband and kids would be either really upset or really relieved to learn that!!
Well, seriously, let's see... I am actually really glad that people out there think I'm handling this well, because I feel like I'm not at least 90% of the time. I feel constantly selfish and crabby with all the demands I put on everyone around me, from Lloyd and the kids daily to asking Daddy and Dawn to come up to see me all the time when I can't go down to see them to asking the medical assistant or volunteer at chemo to get me pillows or plug/unplug my IV rig when I have to go potty. Just the thought of having to switch from every-4-weeks to every week chemo, even for a while, makes me cringe when I think of the demands that it I'll put on Lloyd and the kids.
When I look around the room at chemo, I usually see nothing but people who are sicker, cheerier, less demanding, quieter, less needy, overall lower-maintenance and take far less time to get "moved in" to their chair, because they're carrying far less CRAP than I am. (giant purse with everything in the world one might ever put in a purse plus idiotPad, Kindle, a tiny portable-happiness digital photo album, meds, etc.; little cooler bag full of Gatorade and snacks; & my big l chemo blankie tote bag with my special chemo blankie, knitting, organizer, slippers, hat/change of hat, extra clothing for hot- or cold- flash changes, pens & cards for essential note-taking and list-making, etc.; and my special little lap-pillow for propping knitting, books, etc. up on my lap - c'mon, how do people function with less?!!!!)
If am the good attitude, then I really don't want to meet someone with a bad one!! But, from what I hear, it sounds like a lot of you have met them.
Tell me the stories! Seriously!! Amuse me with the bad behavior of others. Post a comment, or email me directly if you want to stay anonymous to other readers, and I'll reprint the really juicy ones in a new post for some laughs - no names or anything, I promise.
We could all use some good laughs, no? I realize I have a pretty dark, morbid sense of humor, but it's MY terminal disease, so I'm allowed to be as morbid as I want.
So there.
I am constantly shocked by people who think I have a good attitude about things - even "most of the time," or even some of the time. Do you seriously mean that there are people out there who are pissier, crabbier, whinier, lazier, less graceful, side-effect-ier and hermit-i-er than me?! I thinkmy poor long-suffering husband and kids would be either really upset or really relieved to learn that!!
Well, seriously, let's see... I am actually really glad that people out there think I'm handling this well, because I feel like I'm not at least 90% of the time. I feel constantly selfish and crabby with all the demands I put on everyone around me, from Lloyd and the kids daily to asking Daddy and Dawn to come up to see me all the time when I can't go down to see them to asking the medical assistant or volunteer at chemo to get me pillows or plug/unplug my IV rig when I have to go potty. Just the thought of having to switch from every-4-weeks to every week chemo, even for a while, makes me cringe when I think of the demands that it I'll put on Lloyd and the kids.
When I look around the room at chemo, I usually see nothing but people who are sicker, cheerier, less demanding, quieter, less needy, overall lower-maintenance and take far less time to get "moved in" to their chair, because they're carrying far less CRAP than I am. (giant purse with everything in the world one might ever put in a purse plus idiotPad, Kindle, a tiny portable-happiness digital photo album, meds, etc.; little cooler bag full of Gatorade and snacks; & my big l chemo blankie tote bag with my special chemo blankie, knitting, organizer, slippers, hat/change of hat, extra clothing for hot- or cold- flash changes, pens & cards for essential note-taking and list-making, etc.; and my special little lap-pillow for propping knitting, books, etc. up on my lap - c'mon, how do people function with less?!!!!)
If am the good attitude, then I really don't want to meet someone with a bad one!! But, from what I hear, it sounds like a lot of you have met them.
Tell me the stories! Seriously!! Amuse me with the bad behavior of others. Post a comment, or email me directly if you want to stay anonymous to other readers, and I'll reprint the really juicy ones in a new post for some laughs - no names or anything, I promise.
We could all use some good laughs, no? I realize I have a pretty dark, morbid sense of humor, but it's MY terminal disease, so I'm allowed to be as morbid as I want.
So there.
On that note, here are some pretty pictures of the trainwrecks they're pulling out of my mouth. Enjoy!!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Chemo, chemo AND more happy!
Well the photo-blogger app from my phone didn't really work out so well.
On a brighter note, my Pap test results came in today - 100% NEGATIVE'!!!! Whoo-hoo, again!!!!!!
So far, my week is ending on a very positive note, and I'm very pleased. Tomorrow still involves the extraction of five more teeth, which is less pleasing, but I feel like I can handle it.
A slightly longer and better update, now that i phase time to do so. As I mentioned, there was some growth, 3mm each, in each of two nodules. I want to say that l have eight nodules? Maybe eight. I could be totally wrong there. Regardless, Dr.Mazj feels that a three mm growth is still within acceptable limits.
However, we have questions about the chemo i've been getting this far. The growth has been slow and small, yes, but there has been growth. What if the Taxol hasn't been affecting the nodules at all? It's a real possibility.
SO, after the first of he year, we're going to try a change in meds. We're doing a short cycle (3 wks ) in Nov, so that I'm recovered from chemo in time to have Turkey/Tofurkey Day. Then a four week in Dec leaves me set up great for Christmas. After the first, we'll try some Totecan, which is a once a week one, three weeks on, one off. That will be a bit hectic, but we will give it a shot.
And now...I'm tired. And hungry. So, I'm going to go knit until my Taco Bell delivery arrives, and hopefully get some rest. More soon, I'm quite sure .
On a brighter note, my Pap test results came in today - 100% NEGATIVE'!!!! Whoo-hoo, again!!!!!!
So far, my week is ending on a very positive note, and I'm very pleased. Tomorrow still involves the extraction of five more teeth, which is less pleasing, but I feel like I can handle it.
A slightly longer and better update, now that i phase time to do so. As I mentioned, there was some growth, 3mm each, in each of two nodules. I want to say that l have eight nodules? Maybe eight. I could be totally wrong there. Regardless, Dr.Mazj feels that a three mm growth is still within acceptable limits.
However, we have questions about the chemo i've been getting this far. The growth has been slow and small, yes, but there has been growth. What if the Taxol hasn't been affecting the nodules at all? It's a real possibility.
SO, after the first of he year, we're going to try a change in meds. We're doing a short cycle (3 wks ) in Nov, so that I'm recovered from chemo in time to have Turkey/Tofurkey Day. Then a four week in Dec leaves me set up great for Christmas. After the first, we'll try some Totecan, which is a once a week one, three weeks on, one off. That will be a bit hectic, but we will give it a shot.
And now...I'm tired. And hungry. So, I'm going to go knit until my Taco Bell delivery arrives, and hopefully get some rest. More soon, I'm quite sure .
Testing a new app!
Can I blog from my phone? I don't know!
Even more important, can I *upload pictures* on here, 'cause I sure as hell can't from the iPad! Let's try!
Even more important, can I *upload pictures* on here, 'cause I sure as hell can't from the iPad! Let's try!
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.4
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Yay!, but changes
Fast fast fast update....two nodules have grown but only a tiny bit - 3mm each. After the new year we're going to try a new treatment plan to see if it keeps them from growing at all.
Gotta run, we're done here, but there is the good news as quick as I can get it out. Gotta love wifi!
Gotta run, we're done here, but there is the good news as quick as I can get it out. Gotta love wifi!
DING DING DING DING DING
DING DING DING DING DING
DING DING DING DING DING
Well!! Nothing like a brisk morning fire drill to get the juices flowing!
Or in other words: Smoke. Detector. Epic. Fail.
And of course, we live in a very recently built house. Some of you will instantly understand what THAT means - all the friggin' things are directly wired into the house electrical system, meaning that you have to climb up high enough to reach it easily with both hands to disconnect the wiring harness just to take it down and check the (backup) battery inside.
The old, time-tested method of reaching up with a broom handle and jabbing furiously at the damned thing until it either shuts up or falls apart is apparently obsolete.
I have to confess that I HATE smoke detectors like the plague. I think it was the trauma of that stupid one in my childhood that really enjoyed going off in the wee hours between one and five am, randomly and semi-regularly. We had nice, thick security bars on every window of that house. The kind that did not open in an emergency, or for any other reason. The entire time we lived there, my mother liked to remark that if here was a fire, we were all going to be crispy critters in very short order.
This confluence of events explain why I (as a child) spent hours deciding which stuffed animals and other treasures I just HAD to save when the inevitable inferno came to pass. This was very important work.
I have to confess too, that I still think this way! Like - ok, give a dog to each kid, send them out, try to gather cats or shoo them, get meds and medical info, get laptops and backup drives while Lloyd gets paperwork........ You know, normal trains of thought.
On the serious side though, after this morning's event, I think I'm going to have to have a chat with my children. Trevor was on it - up, out dressed, glasses, immediately. Conner crawled out in his robe, for about ten seconds and then disappeared back to bed. Anna's reaction to the fear (and the bad detector was in her room) was to crawl deep into bed, and hide under the covers. I had to go looking for her. Real scenario? If I have to go looking for her, we have very large problem.
So anyway.
Yeah.
I get my CT results today too, so you could say that the adrenaline is flowing!!
I'll text, tweet, blog and facebook the results as soon as I have them. I really mean AS soon, since there is WiFi at the cancer center and I have this handy little magic tricorder tablet.
Watch this space!
DING DING DING DING DING
Well!! Nothing like a brisk morning fire drill to get the juices flowing!
Or in other words: Smoke. Detector. Epic. Fail.
And of course, we live in a very recently built house. Some of you will instantly understand what THAT means - all the friggin' things are directly wired into the house electrical system, meaning that you have to climb up high enough to reach it easily with both hands to disconnect the wiring harness just to take it down and check the (backup) battery inside.
The old, time-tested method of reaching up with a broom handle and jabbing furiously at the damned thing until it either shuts up or falls apart is apparently obsolete.
I have to confess that I HATE smoke detectors like the plague. I think it was the trauma of that stupid one in my childhood that really enjoyed going off in the wee hours between one and five am, randomly and semi-regularly. We had nice, thick security bars on every window of that house. The kind that did not open in an emergency, or for any other reason. The entire time we lived there, my mother liked to remark that if here was a fire, we were all going to be crispy critters in very short order.
This confluence of events explain why I (as a child) spent hours deciding which stuffed animals and other treasures I just HAD to save when the inevitable inferno came to pass. This was very important work.
I have to confess too, that I still think this way! Like - ok, give a dog to each kid, send them out, try to gather cats or shoo them, get meds and medical info, get laptops and backup drives while Lloyd gets paperwork........ You know, normal trains of thought.
On the serious side though, after this morning's event, I think I'm going to have to have a chat with my children. Trevor was on it - up, out dressed, glasses, immediately. Conner crawled out in his robe, for about ten seconds and then disappeared back to bed. Anna's reaction to the fear (and the bad detector was in her room) was to crawl deep into bed, and hide under the covers. I had to go looking for her. Real scenario? If I have to go looking for her, we have very large problem.
So anyway.
Yeah.
I get my CT results today too, so you could say that the adrenaline is flowing!!
I'll text, tweet, blog and facebook the results as soon as I have them. I really mean AS soon, since there is WiFi at the cancer center and I have this handy little magic tricorder tablet.
Watch this space!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Down the hatch!
Barium is one of my very least favorite food groups.
It's no secret to anyone that I go well out my way to have my CT scans Chico, instead of up at the hospital that I rightly call my second home, puely because their barium tastes better. It tastes like children's aspirin or Orange Julius.
Hey, I have to have it, so I might as well at least not hate it.
Yep, CT time tomorrow. Whee!
It's no secret to anyone that I go well out my way to have my CT scans Chico, instead of up at the hospital that I rightly call my second home, puely because their barium tastes better. It tastes like children's aspirin or Orange Julius.
Hey, I have to have it, so I might as well at least not hate it.
Yep, CT time tomorrow. Whee!
Diagnostics update
Well, I still have my CT on Monday; and we're waiting on the Pap test results. However, the bone scan that was to happen this past Friday, well, didn't. I've rescheduled that thing to worry about for November. 3. You can blame my very temperamental stomach and intestines for the delay.
Frankly, the schedule is going to be rather frazzly-making for the next couple of weeks. Monday, CT at 10am, Weds, I see Dr. Mazj for the usual check up and labs. Chemo Thursday. Friday, at 9:30 in the morning, I get to see my new dentist again, so he can yank out another group of five more teeth, just for fun, you know.
HOPEFULLY I won't be needing the Neulasta shot this time, because that would mean heading up the mountain as soon as I'm done with the teeth, and the Neulasta shot gives me more side effects than the chemo sometimes!
Tuesday the second, I go see Andy, and then the rescheduled bone scan on Weds.
Needless to say that any days not listed as scheduled for appointments are scheduled for lots of sleep and sitting very, very still. I've been having more than my usual share of stress over everything lately, and I'm hoping that if I can get back into knitting again. That always did it for me in the past and I'm starting to feel like that might just be it again.
Typing, at least tonight, sure as hell isn't helping! I'm accidentally touching random keys, CONSTANTLY and spending half my time erasing!!! AH!!!
Enough for now. I just wanted to make sure the world knew not to go nuts looking for bone scan results just yet. As soon as I get 'em...I promise to share. A little reading, then off to dreamland with me.
Frankly, the schedule is going to be rather frazzly-making for the next couple of weeks. Monday, CT at 10am, Weds, I see Dr. Mazj for the usual check up and labs. Chemo Thursday. Friday, at 9:30 in the morning, I get to see my new dentist again, so he can yank out another group of five more teeth, just for fun, you know.
HOPEFULLY I won't be needing the Neulasta shot this time, because that would mean heading up the mountain as soon as I'm done with the teeth, and the Neulasta shot gives me more side effects than the chemo sometimes!
Tuesday the second, I go see Andy, and then the rescheduled bone scan on Weds.
Needless to say that any days not listed as scheduled for appointments are scheduled for lots of sleep and sitting very, very still. I've been having more than my usual share of stress over everything lately, and I'm hoping that if I can get back into knitting again. That always did it for me in the past and I'm starting to feel like that might just be it again.
Typing, at least tonight, sure as hell isn't helping! I'm accidentally touching random keys, CONSTANTLY and spending half my time erasing!!! AH!!!
Enough for now. I just wanted to make sure the world knew not to go nuts looking for bone scan results just yet. As soon as I get 'em...I promise to share. A little reading, then off to dreamland with me.
Monday, October 18, 2010
I don't test well
Can I just take the SAT again, and we'll call it a draw?
Yes, it's time for more tests, so I guess I should fill you guys in on the latest.
October 25 is my next CT date. I'm never thrilled about these, because they always give me a massive anxiety complex until I get the results. I don't think that's too unreasonable, considering the circumstances. I see Dr. Mazj on the 27th for my normal battery of labs (blood panels; both metabolic and chemistry) and pre-chemo check-in appointment, so he will almost certainly have the results then.
The 28th is, of course, chemo day, followed by Neulasta day on Friday.
Now let's go backward to the new and different things. First, on the 19th, I'll finally be starting on the long, expensive road to better dental health. That appointment will be for follow up on my extraction, a cleaning and taking impressions. After I recover a bit from chemo, I'll be back to have my bottom front FOUR teeth yanked out and replaced with a temporary "stay-plate" partial, until we get a few more things done on the bottom and can get the permanent bridges done. Frankly, I can't wait, weird fake teeth or not. I want to get it done before those front teeth just snap in half. Its absolutely frightening to look in the mirror and watch the chemo eat away the enamel of the teeth - sometimes I feel like I can see it happening, like watching a plant grow on a time lapse camera.
October is shaping up to be a hell of a busy month!! The odds of finishing a new Halloween costume are getting pretty bad.
SO, the latest test added to the month requires some explanation.
For quite a while now, I've had pains in my hips, which Andy thought might be bursitis. Some of you might remember back to 2001, when dancing actually managed to cause a stress fracture in my pelvis, which I first thought might be bursitis.
When the pains first came back, I wondered if I'd popped the fracture open again, but it seems stuck together just fine. With bursitis as the likely culprit, Andy gave me cortisone injections basically right into the hip socket itself. I've both hips done four or five times now, but the effects aren't lasting long enough now to make it useful.
Given that, Andy is now of the opinion that we were probably on the wrong track with the bursitis. Therefore, I now have an appointment on the 22nd for a bone scan up at the hospital. My orthopedic surgeon wanted me to have one back when, but I was a moron and used work and travel as an excuse for never managing to do it.
Now, unfortunately, we have a really important reason to do it, because the area that hurts so much - especially the first few seconds after I get out of bed each day - is deep inside the exact point where leg joins torso, and far, far too close to the area of my initial cervical tumor.
This does not make me happy.
::sigh::
All the fun and games start tomorrow. Today is for resting. LOTS of rest. I pushed myself a bit yesterday to make a nice roast chicken dinner with all the trimmings, as well as some brownies for our neighbor. I am paying for it today, but it was worth it to make a nice dinner, because that's something I can't do for my family as often as I like.
And why was I making brownies for the neighbor? Amy is our town animal control officer, and we are lucky enough to have her as a friend and neighbor. She's been a huge help to us with all of the lost dogs, kittens and ferret that have found their way to my door.
The other day, while I was at the doctor in Chico, and Lloyd was going in and out with UPS, transporting kids and other things, Amy's little girl saw a big black doggie running down the court, heading for the main street thru the development. She ran and got her mom, smart, smart little girl, and when Amy called Stella, she came right along back home.
WHEW doesn't even begin to cover it. If the little one hadn't seen her, and Amy hadn't known her (from a bit of dog sitting a couple times), god only knows where our puppy would have ended up. She is chipped, twice actually, and has all her tags, but it was getting near dark, and Miss Puppy doesn't know a thing about watching for cars or anything else. Absolute terror. We thought they deserved brownies.
Ok...I think that gets us caught up. Its going to be a busy month, lots of time up the mountain, and really a lot of stress, fear and worry on my part, but I will be able to update you all very promptly as I get results. Yay for a cancer center with a patient WiFi network!
Boo for needing one.
Yes, it's time for more tests, so I guess I should fill you guys in on the latest.
October 25 is my next CT date. I'm never thrilled about these, because they always give me a massive anxiety complex until I get the results. I don't think that's too unreasonable, considering the circumstances. I see Dr. Mazj on the 27th for my normal battery of labs (blood panels; both metabolic and chemistry) and pre-chemo check-in appointment, so he will almost certainly have the results then.
The 28th is, of course, chemo day, followed by Neulasta day on Friday.
Now let's go backward to the new and different things. First, on the 19th, I'll finally be starting on the long, expensive road to better dental health. That appointment will be for follow up on my extraction, a cleaning and taking impressions. After I recover a bit from chemo, I'll be back to have my bottom front FOUR teeth yanked out and replaced with a temporary "stay-plate" partial, until we get a few more things done on the bottom and can get the permanent bridges done. Frankly, I can't wait, weird fake teeth or not. I want to get it done before those front teeth just snap in half. Its absolutely frightening to look in the mirror and watch the chemo eat away the enamel of the teeth - sometimes I feel like I can see it happening, like watching a plant grow on a time lapse camera.
October is shaping up to be a hell of a busy month!! The odds of finishing a new Halloween costume are getting pretty bad.
SO, the latest test added to the month requires some explanation.
For quite a while now, I've had pains in my hips, which Andy thought might be bursitis. Some of you might remember back to 2001, when dancing actually managed to cause a stress fracture in my pelvis, which I first thought might be bursitis.
When the pains first came back, I wondered if I'd popped the fracture open again, but it seems stuck together just fine. With bursitis as the likely culprit, Andy gave me cortisone injections basically right into the hip socket itself. I've both hips done four or five times now, but the effects aren't lasting long enough now to make it useful.
Given that, Andy is now of the opinion that we were probably on the wrong track with the bursitis. Therefore, I now have an appointment on the 22nd for a bone scan up at the hospital. My orthopedic surgeon wanted me to have one back when, but I was a moron and used work and travel as an excuse for never managing to do it.
Now, unfortunately, we have a really important reason to do it, because the area that hurts so much - especially the first few seconds after I get out of bed each day - is deep inside the exact point where leg joins torso, and far, far too close to the area of my initial cervical tumor.
This does not make me happy.
::sigh::
All the fun and games start tomorrow. Today is for resting. LOTS of rest. I pushed myself a bit yesterday to make a nice roast chicken dinner with all the trimmings, as well as some brownies for our neighbor. I am paying for it today, but it was worth it to make a nice dinner, because that's something I can't do for my family as often as I like.
And why was I making brownies for the neighbor? Amy is our town animal control officer, and we are lucky enough to have her as a friend and neighbor. She's been a huge help to us with all of the lost dogs, kittens and ferret that have found their way to my door.
The other day, while I was at the doctor in Chico, and Lloyd was going in and out with UPS, transporting kids and other things, Amy's little girl saw a big black doggie running down the court, heading for the main street thru the development. She ran and got her mom, smart, smart little girl, and when Amy called Stella, she came right along back home.
WHEW doesn't even begin to cover it. If the little one hadn't seen her, and Amy hadn't known her (from a bit of dog sitting a couple times), god only knows where our puppy would have ended up. She is chipped, twice actually, and has all her tags, but it was getting near dark, and Miss Puppy doesn't know a thing about watching for cars or anything else. Absolute terror. We thought they deserved brownies.
Ok...I think that gets us caught up. Its going to be a busy month, lots of time up the mountain, and really a lot of stress, fear and worry on my part, but I will be able to update you all very promptly as I get results. Yay for a cancer center with a patient WiFi network!
Boo for needing one.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Hey, lookie! No, over there!
No, over THERE. Right around October 25, next to the CT machine...
It's a giant free-floating anxiety attack!
Whee!!!
Not.
Yes, I just looked at the calendar and noticed that it's damned near CT time again. Instant anxiety attack I don't know where the days and nights all go, but they are sure going fast these days. I have dozens of projects in some form of progress, from concept to almost done, but none of them seem to be moving anywhere. The days, weeks, months just fly by and I keep having Ferris-flashbacks about missing it.
Well, it's nearly 1am, and I'm just now writing something on the poor, neglected blog, so that should give you some idea, huh?
So, quickly, let's see....... the worst part of the tooth extraction nightmare is past. The first of several, sadly. Chemo was rough, since I had the Neulasta and flu shots right on top. Then, I saw Andy on Thurs, Friday, on to the dentist, and here we are. Wheeeeeeeeeee!
Is it time for my nap yet? Oh! It is! I get the feeling that my darling husband would like it very much if I would put down the idiotPad, shut up and go to sleep. Besides, I can't hold my ice pack and type at the same time.
It's a giant free-floating anxiety attack!
Whee!!!
Not.
Yes, I just looked at the calendar and noticed that it's damned near CT time again. Instant anxiety attack I don't know where the days and nights all go, but they are sure going fast these days. I have dozens of projects in some form of progress, from concept to almost done, but none of them seem to be moving anywhere. The days, weeks, months just fly by and I keep having Ferris-flashbacks about missing it.
Well, it's nearly 1am, and I'm just now writing something on the poor, neglected blog, so that should give you some idea, huh?
So, quickly, let's see....... the worst part of the tooth extraction nightmare is past. The first of several, sadly. Chemo was rough, since I had the Neulasta and flu shots right on top. Then, I saw Andy on Thurs, Friday, on to the dentist, and here we are. Wheeeeeeeeeee!
Is it time for my nap yet? Oh! It is! I get the feeling that my darling husband would like it very much if I would put down the idiotPad, shut up and go to sleep. Besides, I can't hold my ice pack and type at the same time.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
The post-chemo ickies!
Well, all hopes to the contrary, the post-chemo ickies have arrived right on schedule, helped out by not only a Neulasta shot but also a combo flu vaccine, leaving me with not just one but TWO sore-as-hell arms.
To put it simply, I don't feel good,at ALL. I can't get the pillows comfortable, the electric-skin syndrome is in full bloom, you name it. All I want right now is to lay down and be comfortable, but the odds of that happening are pretty damned slim. I need more drugs.
Off to squiggle around looking for comfy. I know it's here somewhere!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
My Summer Vacation, Part 1: Thank Yous & Credits
Since I am so far behind in my postings, I figure I might as well start with the important thing - thanking all the people who made my first trip "home" in way too many years such a fantastic time.
First, of course, to Auntie Cheryl & Auntie Kathleen for starting the whole thing. The trip might have started out to be all about Anna, but it turns out that I was pretty glad her daddy wouldn't let her fly alone, because I had the time of my life! Being able to hand her off to you guys, where I knew she was having a blast & in the best hands in the world, gave me time with my friends that was the biggest gift I could ever, ever have. You guys really are incredible, and everything you did with and for Anna was a priceless gift that neither she or I will soon forget. It was really neat for me to give her not just cool new experiences, but also a peek into my childhood, in the same places I went at almost exactly the same age.
Mel, that goes for you too! Did you love having a mini-me shadow for a week? Anna worships you even more than she let's on. The time she got to spend with you was probably the high point of the entire trip for her. Now I just have to figure out when I'm flying you up here, because **I** didn't get nearly long enough with you at all. There are conversations to have and knitting to do!
Next, I want to thank everyone who came out for the BBQ that my wonderful Auntie threw for me. I had ALL my Aunties there!!!! And both my favorite uncles, my sweet cousins, and my very best friends. That was absolutely friggin' cool!! You all went to so much trouble, driving so far, cooking and baking for me, baking cherry pie for me...drool! In a lot of ways it was like a very happy flashback to all the great family gatherings when I was a kid.
A then POOF!! It was over way too fast! I didn't get enough time to sit and talk with each of you, which I really wanted to. I was really sad when everyone had to leave to make the too-long trek home.
I definitely miss you all at other times, but I don't think I have ever missed you as much as when that party ended. I need another two weeks down there by myself, just seeing family & friends. I might have to find a way to swing that somehow...
But all of you that made so so SO much effort for me - Thank You!. Those words seem pitifully inadequate. Very pitifully.
The other priceless gift I got on this trip was time with two of my oldest, bestest friends in the world. No matter what we did, just sitting with you and talking over dinner is something I haven't been able to do in years. It always still kind of surprises me how easy it is to just pick up right where we left off as if no time at all, no years and years, had passed in the interim. Sometimes, being isolated up here in the boonies so far from you guys is a lot harder than I let on. "Friend time," sans husband or kids is very seriously good for my mental state! No matter how dearly I love my husband and kids, friend time is just a whole 'nother animal; especially with the people I've very literally grown up with.
And speaking of animals.......!! I spent three days at the beach watching buses come and go, almost all with the giant San Diego Zoo "Elephant Odyssey" ads on them, thinking what a bummer it was that there was no way I'd make it down there this trip. I was exhausted from all the driving I'd done already! So a huge thank you not Darcy for being fearlessly spontaneous and hauling us down there for a most of a day. I can't believe I did that whole trip on foot. I sure as hell paid for it after, but it was worth every Advil. I think the munchkin was pretty damned impressed too, despite the carefully postured teenage indifference at times. The huge genuine smiles and giggles broke through often enough for me to know the truth! Me, I felt like I was about 5, seeing animals I'd never ever seen in real life. I think I had more fun than the five-year-olds there. Next time, gotta remember to hit the children's zoo though - you get to touch things in there! ;->
So, as I sign off and go get ready to head up the mountain with Daddy for my pre-chemo checkup and labs, the point is this:
To each and every one of you, a huge, heartfelt thank you for every minute of that trip. I'd list you all individually, but I ran outta time! ;-p
I love you all, very, very much!!!!!!
First, of course, to Auntie Cheryl & Auntie Kathleen for starting the whole thing. The trip might have started out to be all about Anna, but it turns out that I was pretty glad her daddy wouldn't let her fly alone, because I had the time of my life! Being able to hand her off to you guys, where I knew she was having a blast & in the best hands in the world, gave me time with my friends that was the biggest gift I could ever, ever have. You guys really are incredible, and everything you did with and for Anna was a priceless gift that neither she or I will soon forget. It was really neat for me to give her not just cool new experiences, but also a peek into my childhood, in the same places I went at almost exactly the same age.
Mel, that goes for you too! Did you love having a mini-me shadow for a week? Anna worships you even more than she let's on. The time she got to spend with you was probably the high point of the entire trip for her. Now I just have to figure out when I'm flying you up here, because **I** didn't get nearly long enough with you at all. There are conversations to have and knitting to do!
Next, I want to thank everyone who came out for the BBQ that my wonderful Auntie threw for me. I had ALL my Aunties there!!!! And both my favorite uncles, my sweet cousins, and my very best friends. That was absolutely friggin' cool!! You all went to so much trouble, driving so far, cooking and baking for me, baking cherry pie for me...drool! In a lot of ways it was like a very happy flashback to all the great family gatherings when I was a kid.
A then POOF!! It was over way too fast! I didn't get enough time to sit and talk with each of you, which I really wanted to. I was really sad when everyone had to leave to make the too-long trek home.
I definitely miss you all at other times, but I don't think I have ever missed you as much as when that party ended. I need another two weeks down there by myself, just seeing family & friends. I might have to find a way to swing that somehow...
But all of you that made so so SO much effort for me - Thank You!. Those words seem pitifully inadequate. Very pitifully.
The other priceless gift I got on this trip was time with two of my oldest, bestest friends in the world. No matter what we did, just sitting with you and talking over dinner is something I haven't been able to do in years. It always still kind of surprises me how easy it is to just pick up right where we left off as if no time at all, no years and years, had passed in the interim. Sometimes, being isolated up here in the boonies so far from you guys is a lot harder than I let on. "Friend time," sans husband or kids is very seriously good for my mental state! No matter how dearly I love my husband and kids, friend time is just a whole 'nother animal; especially with the people I've very literally grown up with.
And speaking of animals.......!! I spent three days at the beach watching buses come and go, almost all with the giant San Diego Zoo "Elephant Odyssey" ads on them, thinking what a bummer it was that there was no way I'd make it down there this trip. I was exhausted from all the driving I'd done already! So a huge thank you not Darcy for being fearlessly spontaneous and hauling us down there for a most of a day. I can't believe I did that whole trip on foot. I sure as hell paid for it after, but it was worth every Advil. I think the munchkin was pretty damned impressed too, despite the carefully postured teenage indifference at times. The huge genuine smiles and giggles broke through often enough for me to know the truth! Me, I felt like I was about 5, seeing animals I'd never ever seen in real life. I think I had more fun than the five-year-olds there. Next time, gotta remember to hit the children's zoo though - you get to touch things in there! ;->
So, as I sign off and go get ready to head up the mountain with Daddy for my pre-chemo checkup and labs, the point is this:
To each and every one of you, a huge, heartfelt thank you for every minute of that trip. I'd list you all individually, but I ran outta time! ;-p
I love you all, very, very much!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I found my notecards!!
Now how exciting is that? Now I can regale you will all the exciting minutiae I've got jotted down on them, but not today.
Today, Daddy is coming up to babysit me while Lloyd's gone on a motorcycle ride that might turn into an overnighter. That's ok, because WE are going to dinner and a Dave Alvin show at the Sierra Nevada Brewery tonight. I scan the email list I get of upcoming acts hoping Dave will come back, and I got lucky- he's here, and Dad is able to come up and go to the show with me.
So, since Dad will be here about the time the kids get home from school, and I have a couple hours free till then, I am laying down and closing my eyes like that little guy over there----->
The next few days will be pretty busy with doctors and labs and chemo and having Dad to talk to, so I don't figure I'll get in another entry till after I come out of the chemo fog. Monday I go see Andy, and Tuesday I go see Dr. Davis for my six month Pap test... Yeahhhh....I'm going to be tired.
So, that's where I'll be. Have fun till I get back.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
A Happy Doggie & A Tired and Ooky Me
Well, the most important news there is is that my girl is feeling better.
The meds that the vet gave us seem to be doing the job, and she's been holding down water and bland foods for over 48 hours now. I feel terrible that she's starving to death, getting just tiny bits of canned-bland or boiled chicken & rice, but she's so happy when she gets anything that I guess its ok. We were able to up the amount a little and mix in a little kibble for her dinner last night too. I think just eating dinner at the same time as the other dogs made her feel better, even if I was still hand-feeding her. I've been doing that since the beginning - feeding her off a fork or spoon so she wasn't able to wolf down the whole meal in 3 quick gulps.
That really is the only news there is. I'm not feeling terribly well myself right now, so I don't really feel like being a terribly witty blogger right now. I still want to find my index cards with all of my witty blogger notes on them, so I will probably be obsessive and look for them again.
Most of those entries are going to require lots of typing and photos, so I'll have to migrate down to the laptop anyway. I just don't know what the helll crApple's problem is with letting me upload photos anywhere, but it's really pissing me off!!!
Anyway, I don't have any idea why I feel so crappy this weekend, but I suspect that tha smart thing to do would be to take it easy, rest, SLEEEEP, and consume lots of liquids. And so I shall.
More later!
The meds that the vet gave us seem to be doing the job, and she's been holding down water and bland foods for over 48 hours now. I feel terrible that she's starving to death, getting just tiny bits of canned-bland or boiled chicken & rice, but she's so happy when she gets anything that I guess its ok. We were able to up the amount a little and mix in a little kibble for her dinner last night too. I think just eating dinner at the same time as the other dogs made her feel better, even if I was still hand-feeding her. I've been doing that since the beginning - feeding her off a fork or spoon so she wasn't able to wolf down the whole meal in 3 quick gulps.
That really is the only news there is. I'm not feeling terribly well myself right now, so I don't really feel like being a terribly witty blogger right now. I still want to find my index cards with all of my witty blogger notes on them, so I will probably be obsessive and look for them again.
Most of those entries are going to require lots of typing and photos, so I'll have to migrate down to the laptop anyway. I just don't know what the helll crApple's problem is with letting me upload photos anywhere, but it's really pissing me off!!!
Anyway, I don't have any idea why I feel so crappy this weekend, but I suspect that tha smart thing to do would be to take it easy, rest, SLEEEEP, and consume lots of liquids. And so I shall.
More later!
Friday, September 24, 2010
The Catching Up With Everything entry
Well, there are so many entries I've wanted to write, and I haven't got to any of them, AND I've lost the index cards with all my notes on them, so I'm just going to have to wing it. ::sigh:: I'll be trying to catch up on everything, but I'm realizing that it'll take me more than one entry, otherwise I'll take about a week to write it. So, one thing at a time.
I guess I'll go backwards, most current news first.
My Peadog
My baby girl is sick, which of course is the most important news there could be. She doesn't ACT sick, thank god, but she's barfed six times in 24 hours. A few times I thought we were past it - she went 12 full hours overnight - but nope. Many vet phone calls and we're off to the doctor in just a few minutes from now. (10:10 am Friday Sept 24) Update, and finishing this entry when I come home, of course.
Well, a very large sum later, we're home, with pretty much no idea at all what's causing her to be sick. She hasn't barfed since morning (jinx...just wait) and has kept all her meds down for almost an hour and a half now. Cross your fingers. We've got her on Prilosec, Compazine and something to coat the mucosa in her digestive tract and we're just hoping it all stays in to do some good. She had blood, urine and stool tested and everything there looks ok, which is the big relief. Now we just wait. I'm keeping her upstairs with me again, where I can confine her to the bathroom if needed (it's big and open, so I can see her and she can see me, which helps) and most of the time, I can keep her on the bed, on the crib-pads we had to buy when Stella was having bladder leaks. I think I'm going to take a nap while she's sleeping.
Stay tuned and pray for her to have a strong stomach, at least for an hour or two. I wasn't planning on being up at 7 am, and I'm tired.
The idiotPad
Well, my lovely little device apparently comes with some limitations. We went to the crApple store at the mall out in Roseville, which lived up to its name right away by the nicely insistently firm young lady at the podium telling us that in order to ask some questions we had to have an appointment, and that the first such they'd be able to give us was over 2 hours away. If you wanted to buy something, you could talk to anyone you wanted, but if you already owned it, you needed an appointment. That did NOT improve our feelings toward the crApple brand too terribly much... I went and explored Sephora for the first time ever, and after that improved my mood a bit, I went back and tried again. This time, instead of going to the official person at the official podium, I found a nice young man and cornered him.
And, after all of that trouble, it turns out that the answer to almost all of my questions was: No.
Uploading photos into Facebook though the normal web interface? No. Apple's fault? Of course not; it's a software thing, and until Facebook changes their site, sorry. Blogging on blogger in the normal "compose" box, instead of this, the "edit html" box? No. Apple's fault? Of course not; it's a software thing, and until Google changes their site, sorry.
I see.
Unfortunately, there was absolutely no way in the world for me to find out about these kinds of things before I bought. Every website is different, and some of the programming plays nicely with Apple's technology, and some doesn't. And, of course, Apple's technology doesn't play nicely with anyone, so it has to work the other way around. The good news is that supposedly these things will become far less common as the rest of the world catches up with the idiotPad. I do believe that, because I think these things are going to be pretty much everywhere pretty soon, so I will hang in. If I returned it and got a net book, I'd have different problems, and it would weigh nearly twice as much. ::sigh::
Well, at least the nice young man did tell me how to get my idiotPad to sync with my laptop, even if it did take about 3 hours the first time, and that wasn't even transferring all my photos. I have a loooooooooot of music.
Ok, time for a nap before my gorgeous girl decides it's time to wake up and be active. Luckily, with her age and my illness, we move at about the same pace these days.
And we like our naps.
Soon, more exciting posts, with topics such as:
*What I Did On My Summer Vacation
*Why My Stuffed Animal Collection Is So Much Cooler Than Yours
and
*Why "The Passage" (the book, in case you have been on Mars this summer) Sucks So Seriously That It Pissed Me Off
Stay tuned.
I guess I'll go backwards, most current news first.
My Peadog
My baby girl is sick, which of course is the most important news there could be. She doesn't ACT sick, thank god, but she's barfed six times in 24 hours. A few times I thought we were past it - she went 12 full hours overnight - but nope. Many vet phone calls and we're off to the doctor in just a few minutes from now. (10:10 am Friday Sept 24) Update, and finishing this entry when I come home, of course.
Well, a very large sum later, we're home, with pretty much no idea at all what's causing her to be sick. She hasn't barfed since morning (jinx...just wait) and has kept all her meds down for almost an hour and a half now. Cross your fingers. We've got her on Prilosec, Compazine and something to coat the mucosa in her digestive tract and we're just hoping it all stays in to do some good. She had blood, urine and stool tested and everything there looks ok, which is the big relief. Now we just wait. I'm keeping her upstairs with me again, where I can confine her to the bathroom if needed (it's big and open, so I can see her and she can see me, which helps) and most of the time, I can keep her on the bed, on the crib-pads we had to buy when Stella was having bladder leaks. I think I'm going to take a nap while she's sleeping.
Stay tuned and pray for her to have a strong stomach, at least for an hour or two. I wasn't planning on being up at 7 am, and I'm tired.
The idiotPad
Well, my lovely little device apparently comes with some limitations. We went to the crApple store at the mall out in Roseville, which lived up to its name right away by the nicely insistently firm young lady at the podium telling us that in order to ask some questions we had to have an appointment, and that the first such they'd be able to give us was over 2 hours away. If you wanted to buy something, you could talk to anyone you wanted, but if you already owned it, you needed an appointment. That did NOT improve our feelings toward the crApple brand too terribly much... I went and explored Sephora for the first time ever, and after that improved my mood a bit, I went back and tried again. This time, instead of going to the official person at the official podium, I found a nice young man and cornered him.
And, after all of that trouble, it turns out that the answer to almost all of my questions was: No.
Uploading photos into Facebook though the normal web interface? No. Apple's fault? Of course not; it's a software thing, and until Facebook changes their site, sorry. Blogging on blogger in the normal "compose" box, instead of this, the "edit html" box? No. Apple's fault? Of course not; it's a software thing, and until Google changes their site, sorry.
I see.
Unfortunately, there was absolutely no way in the world for me to find out about these kinds of things before I bought. Every website is different, and some of the programming plays nicely with Apple's technology, and some doesn't. And, of course, Apple's technology doesn't play nicely with anyone, so it has to work the other way around. The good news is that supposedly these things will become far less common as the rest of the world catches up with the idiotPad. I do believe that, because I think these things are going to be pretty much everywhere pretty soon, so I will hang in. If I returned it and got a net book, I'd have different problems, and it would weigh nearly twice as much. ::sigh::
Well, at least the nice young man did tell me how to get my idiotPad to sync with my laptop, even if it did take about 3 hours the first time, and that wasn't even transferring all my photos. I have a loooooooooot of music.
Ok, time for a nap before my gorgeous girl decides it's time to wake up and be active. Luckily, with her age and my illness, we move at about the same pace these days.
And we like our naps.
Soon, more exciting posts, with topics such as:
*What I Did On My Summer Vacation
*Why My Stuffed Animal Collection Is So Much Cooler Than Yours
and
*Why "The Passage" (the book, in case you have been on Mars this summer) Sucks So Seriously That It Pissed Me Off
Stay tuned.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Attack of the idiotPad
Can I type here now?! So, if I try to type in the "compose" pane, I get nowhere. If I go to the "edit HTML" pane, off I go.
Frustrated would be a mild description.
And I CAN NOT POST PICTURES TO FACEBOOK EITHER.
WHAT THE HELL?
If the fancy idiotPad can't do what my cell phone *can,* we're going to have a real problem.
Frustrated would be a mild description.
And I CAN NOT POST PICTURES TO FACEBOOK EITHER.
WHAT THE HELL?
If the fancy idiotPad can't do what my cell phone *can,* we're going to have a real problem.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Well, here goes nothing
Well, it really was nothing!The magical iPad is here. Sadly, it is SO magical that it's kind of like something out of Harry Potter, and I don't have the spells to unlock it yet.
This was technically my first post from the iPad. Unfortun
ately, while I was able to enter a title and (accidentally) hit the "post" button, I could not find a single mechanism by which to access the field to type the body of the post. You literally just can't go there. Aaaaannnnywhere else...but not there, nuh-uh, no way!
I feel like Pooh with his head in the hunny pot - it's all very nice and sweet, but you can't really get anything done....
(I'm writing this on the laptop now, having gone in to "edit" the post originally started on the iPad.)
In knitting, there is something commonly known as "i-cord," so named because, supposedly, it's so easy any idiot could do it. I'm starting to think of the name "iPad" as a similar abbreviation; only, in this case I AM the idiot who can't figure the damned thing out.
My kingdom for a cursor!
Or a real instruction manual!
Or navigational arrow keys!
But mainly a cursor!
Is there an "iPad for Dummies" book? Can I get it on the Kindle? Or on the iPad?!
Stay tuned for the solutions to these and other equally exciting mysteries as I continue my quest.
I will say that the idiotPad has a couple of things going for it so far-
When opening the bookshelf app for the first time, it gave me a free book to play with. Does it give every user the same book? The book *I* got was the full-color original (not Disney-style) "Winnie the Pooh." Some of you out there are going to understand what a delicious coincidence that is.
And it is pretty. It is really, really, really pretty!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Circus? I have one right here at home!
Well, those who know me well know that I was really looking forward to going to the circus this weekend. Didn't happen.
In the big picture, it was a good thing that I didn't go, because me not going meant almost everyone else DID get to go, and it was very important that Anna get to go, as it was her birthday party substitute.
Me? I got to experience my first massive teenager-meltdown. You know, the kind where the teenager in question stomps off and disappears, prompting a neighborhood search wherein he needs to be boxed in by two parents while a third on the phone begs him to stop being stubborn and get in the car.
That kind. Many mentions of police involvement were made, but they didn't seem to interest him one bit. Nothing broke through - not yelling, not sarcasm, not being calm, nada. I guess when teenage boys get that angry, the testosterone takes over and they don't care about ANYthing.
When all was said and done, I finally had to do something I hate doing more than anything in the world and tell him that for now, I was going to step out and let his father handle him exclusively. Unless there is a real emergency, involving fire, blood, or both, he is to ask Lloyd for anything and everything, and Lloyd will handle his discipline, priviliges and anything and everything else. Period. I had to do this with Trevor a few years ago, and it was MISERABLE, and I'm not going to enjoy it any more this time.
AND, then once he has been transported back home (and I have succeeded in begging Lloyd to take Trevor, Anna and Anna (her twin/best friend) to the circus as planned, since it IS Anna's birthday party equivalent, and because by the time we mapped out directions for me to drive them, we'd miss the show), the child locks me out of the house (luckily I had insisted Lloyd not drive off until I made sure my keys were in my purse), and then when I go upstairs to his room, he's throwing things at the inside of his closed door, attempting to barricade me out.
I had to push my way in against his throwing things, getting rather bruised and battered in the process (I was already DEEEEEP in the middle of a massive lymphedema attack and other side-effect fun, which was yet another reason for Lloyd to go and me to stay), so I could demand his cell phone.
He responded by screaming at me to "take it," which I calmly refused to do, explaining that I would A) never do such a thing and B) that if I actually tried, he would doubtlessly hit me in some way as pure reflex, and I wasn't going to let that happen either, because *that* would have to have severe repercussions beyond my control. ::sigh::
"WHAT THE FUCK IS LIFE ANYWAY?!" was his response to that.
A ****very**** calm speech from me later (explaining that life was actually about people who love you, and continue to love you no matter whether you are sad, depressed, happy, triumphant, etc., and never stopped loving you even through shit like this; and that nothing he could do at that point was going to change MY feelings about him, because I chose him as my stepson, etc, etc, etc. AND discussing ways of getting out aggression, such as why smashing things was both therapeutic and a very bad idea, AND some deep sarcasm thanking him for the workout, since I was trying anything I could think of) he finally handed over the phone without incident and threw himself on his bed like (in his mother's words,) "a little girl."
She pretty much nailed it. She and I must have spent over an hour on the phone that day, in 2 or 3 conversations, which I know helped me - I hope it helped her, because we were both really upset.
After a couple hours of letting him calm down (and collecting all the things he was no longer allowed to use AND locking all my meds in a lockbox; yet another exhausting round of exercise), I went up to see if he was even awake, and tell him to start his homework - huge, ridiculous piles of homework - found his door barricaded AGAIN........had to push my way through it AGAIN....and found him still as pissed as he was in the first place. Actually, I think the fact that I was capable of getting in pissed him off more than anything.
After that one, I explained to him that if he kept up with the barricades, his father would *probably* take the door off the hinges, and he seemed to believe me, because he finally stopped that one and got to work on his homework with the door open. I gave him his iPod as a peace offering, but I guess it didn't work, because he was still verbally abusive and nasty to me yesterday.
The really fun part? I don't have the faintest idea why he was mad in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And so begins another enjoyable period in my step-mothering career. NOT!
Right now, I am tired. I am swollen with huge amounts of fluid. I have bruises up and down my right leg and random other places from fighting through barricaded doors. I have sore muscles in every part of my body.
I am depressed beyond comprehension.
But other than that, things are peachy-keen!
I'm going to go sit downstairs (I spent the day in bed yesterday, which did help immensely) and elevate my legs and sort through photos, as I await the receipt of our neato-coolo new photo scanner, so I can finally get them all digitized.
In the meantime, for your entertainment, I'm going to post the big pile of pics from our trip down South on Flickr, but be warned - I'm not sorting out all the blurry or strange ones yet. I'm too damned tired, and my hands hurt too much. That will come later. I got some incredible pics at the San Diego Zoo, so you should enjoy it anyway.
More when I can... Advice for the day: Don't have teenagers. Force your children to skip from about 8 or 9 to 25 in one step. Or send them to Hogwarts to wait it out. ;-)
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Ch ch ch ch ch- changes....
I hate change. Really, I do. Change is bad. But, Google gave me cool new blogging tools and backgrounds and I plan to use them to express my overall blogging mood for the day. Evolve or go extinct, like that dude there, right?
There are actually going to be a lot of changes coming down the pike, so be ready for it, people. I do not take change lightly (you might already know that about me by now!) but, it's time.
First will be a change to my email address. I will not be ditching my beloved Blue Blvd, but I'll be changing my personal email name. That is going to be given out to friends only and not randomly strewn about the internet as my current name has been. A decade of domain ownership, small business ventures, association memberships and lord knows what else has left me miserable. I dread looking at my email! When I came home from vacation, I had an inbox with well over 600 messages waiting for me. On average, about 8 or 10 of those will be directly for me, something I did subscribe to, or at least not spam. Those numbers just don't add up for me.
So, the old one will remain up and collecting spam for quite some time while I make sure everything that should be moved gets moved. Then I'll convert over to a private address @blueblvd.com, for use with all y'all, and a "business transactions" gmail address for things like registering on websites, signing kids up for things and all those other random things that come up where I don't want to give out my private contact just yet.
Anyone like the new blog background? I kind of like the idea of changing it to reflect the mood of the post. New look, new names, new blogging ideas, the whole enchilada. I want to make some changes, and this is a good place to start. Good as any, I guess!
So, the update on me today is that I feel crappy. NOT as crappy as I have on other occasions, such as last night, but I feel like hell. I had the Taxol chemo (low dose, ha ha) and the Neulasta follow-up shot, and if there's a side effect possible for either of them, I got it. I've also felt like I'm getting a bit of a cold or flu on top of those. Last night and today was a really fun lymphedema adventure, but I'm better now.
Most of my today has been sadness and worry for others. One of those stories is not mine to tell, so all I will say is - it's on the way, so hang on tight!
The other concerns my dear Auntie. As you might have figured out from reading my blog, my Auntie has never met a stranger, and never failed to make a friend. She is the kindest person on the planet and has an entire galaxy of friends. Those friends become part of her heart, and losing one of them is almost a physical injury.
I just found out today that one of my Auntie's dearest friends (I'll call her J.) went into hospice a couple days ago. I know that Cheryl will be there with her almost night and day while J finishes this last bit of her dance with this disgusting, insidious fucker called cancer.
I haven't met J, but I've discovered that I'm devastated all the same. I can't fix anything for J, I can't make my Auntie or any of her friends any less sad, I can't give some little kids back their mom, nothing. So, all I can do is be sad with them all, and send every bit of good karma I can spare speeding off to Southern California.
I know I can count on all of you to do the same.
I also know that I'll be counting each and every one of you when I count the stars to go to sleep tonight. All of you are what keep *me* going. Love you all.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Weekend forecast: very bloggy ahead
Saturday....
Well gang, I have been seriously remiss in keeping up this blog lately. And by lately, I mean over the last, oh, what - year? Um, yeah, that's about it. And that's going to change. I am hereby committing to becoming a regular blogger again. I kind of liked it when I was keeping up with this every day and getting your feedback. Since I'm back in chemo, starting the "pretty much for the rest of my shortish life" phase of the chemo experience, it seems like a logical time to get back to it.
The only problem with my newfound urge to blog constantly is that I'm constantly not here lately. The chemo experience itself is a 3-day program - Dr. visit & labs; chemo; Neulasta shot & hydration. I'll also be trying to get a bunch of dental work done, I have my gastric tests next week, etc. You know what I mean.
Point is, I'm not near my laptop very often, and its pretty impossible to drag it with me places, because, at nearly 5lbs, it is way, way, way too heavy for me. How sad is that?! When I bought it, I was thrilled at how light it was compared to my past laptops. Now, I'm such a weakling that 5# is very painful to hold after a few minutes.
Thus, I'm considering investing in a netbook, or even
I was able to see an iPad in person on my vacation thanks to Darcy, so I've started my quest by asking her some of my zillion questions. I'd love to hear what
you guys have to say too.
Here is the big big question:
My biggest hesitation, after the fact that it's made by Apple: Can you REALLY actually *type* on the fucker?!! It would defeat the entire purpose if I had to get the keyboard.
I want one of these devices because I want to be able to blog anywhere, without having to do it on my phone. Blogging is thing one, period. But, ditto email - the phone is just damned small. If I could take the laptop everywhere, I would be SO caught up on my email, blog, life... It's too big and too heavy for me anymore. The places I frequent all have wifi, like the chemo center. The real keyboard makes the netbook come out ahead. The size and weight wins for the iPad. There are a dozen pros and cons on each side, to the point where it's damn near even.
Needless to say, this is NOT a small investment for someone who lives on a fixed income and has bad teeth, but my idea is to convert my entire online world to the small device - you know, blog, facebook, twitter, email.
That means taking the laptop off the internet entirely, cleaning the hell out of it and making it "sterile" for safe documents, photos, etc, with much less chance of a kaboom. Hopefully that would make good sense in the long run, as carrying around the smaller, lighter device would be much better for me physically, and hopefully sterilizing the laptop, with its heftier computing power for photoshopping and pagemaker-ing, would make it last longer.
I'm also looking at a dedicated photo scanner for the laptop, so I can work on the 8 or 9 boxes of prints and albums Dad has deposited, so I want to get it cleaned up, and good. There is a lot of family history at stake.
So anyway, that's what's been going on today: contemplating my computing future while trying to ignore lots of side effects. Sadly, they will get worse tomorrow, and then, Monday, I get to prep for my enema on Tuesday. I am not having near as much fun as this little guy over there----->
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Sunday....
I have this very bad habit of writing blog entries and then forgetting to post them. Oops. I'll be working on Sunday's entry soon, but I thought I'd post Saturday's column first.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The ultra-quick update
Well, Anna and I just got back from LA for our little trip to the beach and visiting friends and family. It was....well, it was a vacation. We had an absolute blast at times, and some things were a royal pain in the ass. I absolutely promise to write about it all very, very soon, but tonight I have to be in a bit of a hurry.
Tonight is just a quick note to make sure everyone knows that I'm back in chemo tomorrow afternoon. We knew I would be going back to chemo this month, but I thought it would be later in the month. I came home, and poof!
It's going to be a fun-filled several days. Tomorrow, I go see Andy at 9, then up to Paradise for chemo by 2:30. Monday, I have to do the oh-so-fun PREP for my barium enema on Tuesday. Don't you wish you were me?!
So now, I am going to go upstairs and change my sheets, clean up my room as much as I can and prep things for post-chemo coma time. Oh, such joy!
I promise to write lots, huge lots,more, about vacation and everything else going on. I promise!
Right now, I'm as tired as this guy!
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