There's always a Bob (or a Bill)

See, now Pauline's story (see comments for "Have we met?") about Bob, the nice older gent at her chemo is just what I meant, only we have Bill.

At our cancer center, if you mention a certain type of person, everyone automatically says, "oh, like Bill." If you're a newbie and someone is trying to explain certain things, they might ask, "Have you met Bill yet?"

Bill, like Bob, is the nice older gent who somehow seems to be preternaturally happy about this whole affair. I've never met a wife, but then again I've only had chemo with Bill once. The first time I met him was my first go-round, when I attended the dermatology seminar. I was very, very new, and it must've shown, because a sweet lady named Eloise started filling me in on the workings of the seminar, and then the entire center, with Bill providing color commentary. Through Bill, I learned the iron-clad group rule about chemo: No whining, no crying, no feeling sorry for yourself, or the rest of the gang will descend upon you with some sort of unimaginable punishment. (like, maybe more chemo?!)

While I've since learned that (as I suspected from the start) they are really far nicer than they make themselves out to be, Bill and his gang of "lifers," like ME now, I guess(!) really do make an impression on you! Once you've heard Bill, I think most anyone would think three or four times about whining or why-me-ing in that room, and the nurses probably quietly worship him for it.

Hell, I've met the guy three times and I'll never forget. Mob justice? Positive peer pressure? All I know is that chemo is actually quite a pleasant place to be. People who haven't been there with me have a scarier image of the place, but to me it is the single safest place in the world, very calm, relaxing, and did I mention safe? The "no whiners" group philosophy keeps people laughing in what could be hell on earth! It's really not a bad fraternity to be in, all things considered.

Bill is just the embodiment of that attitude, a walking reminder that things could be far worse, because we ARE walking, talking and laughing, and not strapped to a bed somewhere deep in the bowels of the hospital.

I am far from being the outgoing type myself. I am never going to be the model patient that Bill and his long-lost brother Bob seem to be, but I guess being exposed to him and his brethren probably helps us all a bit. I STILL will never show up for chemo with nothing more than a newspaper & my reading glasses, but it's a start, right?

That little bit of hand-holding from Bill & Eloise at the beginning were invaluable and I have found myself reaching out to a couple of newcomers, trying to give them that same little bit of an introduction I got. And yes, I have even said to someone, "Have you met Bill yet?"

And yet....
This is again a story about the folks who are far better behaved than I!! Isn't there anyone snotty and bitchy out there?!! ::sigh::

Thank you, and rest in peace Eloise. I know I'm far from the only one w ho misses you.

Have we met?

This was going to be a comment in reply to a comment my Auntie Annie left on my last post, but I decided it should be it's own topic, since it's something that applies to nearly all the comments I get on here, elsewhere, in person, everywhere!

I am constantly shocked by people who think I have a good attitude about things - even "most of the time," or even some of the time. Do you seriously mean that there are people out there who are pissier, crabbier, whinier, lazier, less graceful, side-effect-ier and hermit-i-er than me?! I thinkmy poor long-suffering husband and kids would be either really upset or really relieved to learn that!!

Well, seriously, let's see... I am actually really glad that people out there think I'm handling this well, because I feel like I'm not at least 90% of the time. I feel constantly selfish and crabby with all the demands I put on everyone around me, from Lloyd and the kids daily to asking Daddy and Dawn to come up to see me all the time when I can't go down to see them to asking the medical assistant or volunteer at chemo to get me pillows or plug/unplug my IV rig when I have to go potty. Just the thought of having to switch from every-4-weeks to every week chemo, even for a while, makes me cringe when I think of the demands that it I'll put on Lloyd and the kids.

When I look around the room at chemo, I usually see nothing but people who are sicker, cheerier, less demanding, quieter, less needy, overall lower-maintenance and take far less time to get "moved in" to their chair, because they're carrying far less CRAP than I am. (giant purse with everything in the world one might ever put in a purse plus idiotPad, Kindle, a tiny portable-happiness digital photo album, meds, etc.; little cooler bag full of Gatorade and snacks; & my big l chemo blankie tote bag with my special chemo blankie, knitting, organizer, slippers, hat/change of hat, extra clothing for hot- or cold- flash changes, pens & cards for essential note-taking and list-making, etc.; and my special little lap-pillow for propping knitting, books, etc. up on my lap - c'mon, how do people function with less?!!!!)

If am the good attitude, then I really don't want to meet someone with a bad one!! But, from what I hear, it sounds like a lot of you have met them.

Tell me the stories! Seriously!! Amuse me with the bad behavior of others. Post a comment, or email me directly if you want to stay anonymous to other readers, and I'll reprint the really juicy ones in a new post for some laughs - no names or anything, I promise.
We could all use some good laughs, no? I realize I have a pretty dark, morbid sense of humor, but it's MY terminal disease, so I'm allowed to be as morbid as I want.

So there.

On that note, here are some pretty pictures of the trainwrecks they're pulling out of my mouth. Enjoy!!

Chemo, chemo AND more happy!

Well the photo-blogger app from my phone didn't really work out so well.

On a brighter note, my Pap test results came in today - 100% NEGATIVE'!!!! Whoo-hoo, again!!!!!!

So far, my week is ending on a very positive note, and I'm very pleased. Tomorrow still involves the extraction of five more teeth, which is less pleasing, but I feel like I can handle it.

A slightly longer and better update, now that i phase time to do so. As I mentioned, there was some growth, 3mm each, in each of two nodules. I want to say that l have eight nodules? Maybe eight. I could be totally wrong there. Regardless, Dr.Mazj feels that a three mm growth is still within acceptable limits.

However, we have questions about the chemo i've been getting this far. The growth has been slow and small, yes, but there has been growth. What if the Taxol hasn't been affecting the nodules at all? It's a real possibility.

SO, after the first of he year, we're going to try a change in meds. We're doing a short cycle (3 wks ) in Nov, so that I'm recovered from chemo in time to have Turkey/Tofurkey Day. Then a four week in Dec leaves me set up great for Christmas. After the first, we'll try some Totecan, which is a once a week one, three weeks on, one off. That will be a bit hectic, but we will give it a shot.

And now...I'm tired. And hungry. So, I'm going to go knit until my Taco Bell delivery arrives, and hopefully get some rest. More soon, I'm quite sure .

Testing a new app!

Can I blog from my phone? I don't know!
Even more important, can I *upload pictures* on here, 'cause I sure as hell can't from the iPad! Let's try!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.4

Yay!, but changes

Fast fast fast update....two nodules have grown but only a tiny bit - 3mm each. After the new year we're going to try a new treatment plan to see if it keeps them from growing at all.

Gotta run, we're done here, but there is the good news as quick as I can get it out. Gotta love wifi!

DING DING DING DING DING

DING DING DING DING DING
DING DING DING DING DING

Well!! Nothing like a brisk morning fire drill to get the juices flowing!
Or in other words: Smoke. Detector. Epic. Fail.

And of course, we live in a very recently built house. Some of you will instantly understand what THAT means - all the friggin' things are directly wired into the house electrical system, meaning that you have to climb up high enough to reach it easily with both hands to disconnect the wiring harness just to take it down and check the (backup) battery inside.

The old, time-tested method of reaching up with a broom handle and jabbing furiously at the damned thing until it either shuts up or falls apart is apparently obsolete.

I have to confess that I HATE smoke detectors like the plague. I think it was the trauma of that stupid one in my childhood that really enjoyed going off in the wee hours between one and five am, randomly and semi-regularly. We had nice, thick security bars on every window of that house. The kind that did not open in an emergency, or for any other reason. The entire time we lived there, my mother liked to remark that if here was a fire, we were all going to be crispy critters in very short order.

This confluence of events explain why I (as a child) spent hours deciding which stuffed animals and other treasures I just HAD to save when the inevitable inferno came to pass. This was very important work.

I have to confess too, that I still think this way! Like - ok, give a dog to each kid, send them out, try to gather cats or shoo them, get meds and medical info, get laptops and backup drives while Lloyd gets paperwork........ You know, normal trains of thought.

On the serious side though, after this morning's event, I think I'm going to have to have a chat with my children. Trevor was on it - up, out dressed, glasses, immediately. Conner crawled out in his robe, for about ten seconds and then disappeared back to bed. Anna's reaction to the fear (and the bad detector was in her room) was to crawl deep into bed, and hide under the covers. I had to go looking for her. Real scenario? If I have to go looking for her, we have very large problem.

So anyway.
Yeah.
I get my CT results today too, so you could say that the adrenaline is flowing!!

I'll text, tweet, blog and facebook the results as soon as I have them. I really mean AS soon, since there is WiFi at the cancer center and I have this handy little magic tricorder tablet.
Watch this space!

Down the hatch!

Barium is one of my very least favorite food groups.

It's no secret to anyone that I go well out my way to have my CT scans Chico, instead of up at the hospital that I rightly call my second home, puely because their barium tastes better. It tastes like children's aspirin or Orange Julius.

Hey, I have to have it, so I might as well at least not hate it.

Yep, CT time tomorrow. Whee!

Diagnostics update

Well, I still have my CT on Monday; and we're waiting on the Pap test results. However, the bone scan that was to happen this past Friday, well, didn't. I've rescheduled that thing to worry about for November. 3. You can blame my very temperamental stomach and intestines for the delay.

Frankly, the schedule is going to be rather frazzly-making for the next couple of weeks. Monday, CT at 10am, Weds, I see Dr. Mazj for the usual check up and labs. Chemo Thursday. Friday, at 9:30 in the morning, I get to see my new dentist again, so he can yank out another group of five more teeth, just for fun, you know.

HOPEFULLY I won't be needing the Neulasta shot this time, because that would mean heading up the mountain as soon as I'm done with the teeth, and the Neulasta shot gives me more side effects than the chemo sometimes!

Tuesday the second, I go see Andy, and then the rescheduled bone scan on Weds.

Needless to say that any days not listed as scheduled for appointments are scheduled for lots of sleep and sitting very, very still. I've been having more than my usual share of stress over everything lately, and I'm hoping that if I can get back into knitting again. That always did it for me in the past and I'm starting to feel like that might just be it again.

Typing, at least tonight, sure as hell isn't helping! I'm accidentally touching random keys, CONSTANTLY and spending half my time erasing!!! AH!!!

Enough for now. I just wanted to make sure the world knew not to go nuts looking for bone scan results just yet. As soon as I get 'em...I promise to share. A little reading, then off to dreamland with me.

I don't test well

Can I just take the SAT again, and we'll call it a draw?
Yes, it's time for more tests, so I guess I should fill you guys in on the latest.

October 25 is my next CT date. I'm never thrilled about these, because they always give me a massive anxiety complex until I get the results. I don't think that's too unreasonable, considering the circumstances. I see Dr. Mazj on the 27th for my normal battery of labs (blood panels; both metabolic and chemistry) and pre-chemo check-in appointment, so he will almost certainly have the results then.

The 28th is, of course, chemo day, followed by Neulasta day on Friday.

Now let's go backward to the new and different things. First, on the 19th, I'll finally be starting on the long, expensive road to better dental health. That appointment will be for follow up on my extraction, a cleaning and taking impressions. After I recover a bit from chemo, I'll be back to have my bottom front FOUR teeth yanked out and replaced with a temporary "stay-plate" partial, until we get a few more things done on the bottom and can get the permanent bridges done. Frankly, I can't wait, weird fake teeth or not. I want to get it done before those front teeth just snap in half. Its absolutely frightening to look in the mirror and watch the chemo eat away the enamel of the teeth - sometimes I feel like I can see it happening, like watching a plant grow on a time lapse camera.

October is shaping up to be a hell of a busy month!! The odds of finishing a new Halloween costume are getting pretty bad.

SO, the latest test added to the month requires some explanation.
For quite a while now, I've had pains in my hips, which Andy thought might be bursitis. Some of you might remember back to 2001, when dancing actually managed to cause a stress fracture in my pelvis, which I first thought might be bursitis.

When the pains first came back, I wondered if I'd popped the fracture open again, but it seems stuck together just fine. With bursitis as the likely culprit, Andy gave me cortisone injections basically right into the hip socket itself. I've both hips done four or five times now, but the effects aren't lasting long enough now to make it useful.

Given that, Andy is now of the opinion that we were probably on the wrong track with the bursitis. Therefore, I now have an appointment on the 22nd for a bone scan up at the hospital. My orthopedic surgeon wanted me to have one back when, but I was a moron and used work and travel as an excuse for never managing to do it.

Now, unfortunately, we have a really important reason to do it, because the area that hurts so much - especially the first few seconds after I get out of bed each day - is deep inside the exact point where leg joins torso, and far, far too close to the area of my initial cervical tumor.
This does not make me happy.

::sigh::

All the fun and games start tomorrow. Today is for resting. LOTS of rest. I pushed myself a bit yesterday to make a nice roast chicken dinner with all the trimmings, as well as some brownies for our neighbor. I am paying for it today, but it was worth it to make a nice dinner, because that's something I can't do for my family as often as I like.

And why was I making brownies for the neighbor? Amy is our town animal control officer, and we are lucky enough to have her as a friend and neighbor. She's been a huge help to us with all of the lost dogs, kittens and ferret that have found their way to my door.

The other day, while I was at the doctor in Chico, and Lloyd was going in and out with UPS, transporting kids and other things, Amy's little girl saw a big black doggie running down the court, heading for the main street thru the development. She ran and got her mom, smart, smart little girl, and when Amy called Stella, she came right along back home.

WHEW doesn't even begin to cover it. If the little one hadn't seen her, and Amy hadn't known her (from a bit of dog sitting a couple times), god only knows where our puppy would have ended up. She is chipped, twice actually, and has all her tags, but it was getting near dark, and Miss Puppy doesn't know a thing about watching for cars or anything else. Absolute terror. We thought they deserved brownies.

Ok...I think that gets us caught up. Its going to be a busy month, lots of time up the mountain, and really a lot of stress, fear and worry on my part, but I will be able to update you all very promptly as I get results. Yay for a cancer center with a patient WiFi network!

Boo for needing one.

Hey, lookie! No, over there!

No, over THERE. Right around October 25, next to the CT machine...

It's a giant free-floating anxiety attack!
Whee!!!

Not.
Yes, I just looked at the calendar and noticed that it's damned near CT time again. Instant anxiety attack I don't know where the days and nights all go, but they are sure going fast these days. I have dozens of projects in some form of progress, from concept to almost done, but none of them seem to be moving anywhere. The days, weeks, months just fly by and I keep having Ferris-flashbacks about missing it.

Well, it's nearly 1am, and I'm just now writing something on the poor, neglected blog, so that should give you some idea, huh?

So, quickly, let's see....... the worst part of the tooth extraction nightmare is past. The first of several, sadly. Chemo was rough, since I had the Neulasta and flu shots right on top. Then, I saw Andy on Thurs, Friday, on to the dentist, and here we are. Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Is it time for my nap yet? Oh! It is! I get the feeling that my darling husband would like it very much if I would put down the idiotPad, shut up and go to sleep. Besides, I can't hold my ice pack and type at the same time.

The post-chemo ickies!

Well, all hopes to the contrary, the post-chemo ickies have arrived right on schedule, helped out by not only a Neulasta shot but also a combo flu vaccine, leaving me with not just one but TWO sore-as-hell arms.

To put it simply, I don't feel good,at ALL. I can't get the pillows comfortable, the electric-skin syndrome is in full bloom, you name it. All I want right now is to lay down and be comfortable, but the odds of that happening are pretty damned slim. I need more drugs.

Off to squiggle around looking for comfy. I know it's here somewhere!