A chapter closed

Well, I did it. I stayed strong enough to stay in the room and hold my baby till the end. It was the hardest, painful, heartbreaking, most anxiety-provoking thing I have ever done in my life. Nothing else even rates high enough to matter.

What was amazing is how it went from "not time" to "it's time" in what seems like an instant. We were all shocked that he did so well for so long, but in an instant, he was a changed animal. Fine one day, and the next, a shadow. I was afraid I wouldn't know for sure that it was time, or would doubt my decision and second-guess myself, but there is no chance of that now. He told me, in no uncertain terms.

Most of the rest of yesterday is a complete blur that involved a lot of sleeping.

This morning, Lloyd left for Virginia to go to Allie's graduation and hang out with Lori and her family for a few days. He desperately needs the break. He's been taking care of me non-stop for a year now, and he really needs some time on his own, in another place, where he can relax and be a dad and grandpa instead of a caregiver. I admit, I'm going to be exhausted beyond all rational belief by the time he gets back, but it's worth it for him to get that break. I wish he could have a lot more breaks.

Obviously, lots has gone on since I last really updated things, and I've lagged, sorry. Trevor's 8th grade graduation went well...sorta... Thanks to some MASSIVE lightning and thunder storms the night before, the entire event had to be moved indoors at the last second. The event planner in me just shudders at the thought of what they had to go through to make this happen, but I don't think it was any fun for the graduates or the audience either. Hot gym-like building, rickety, evil bleachers, bad sightlines.... But at least Trevor got all his full honors, gave the best speech of the night, and is now officially set forth unto the world as a high schooler. Lord help us.

During all of this, I was unfortunately fighting another massive lymphedema attack. Before I got cancer, I'd never even heard of this stuff, and now--it is one of the most feared things in my life. My ankles gained an inch; my calves two inches this last time. I was carrying more than 12-14 lbs of fluid weight from the tissue congestion. HELL!

And even after it's gone, it's not. The places that were swollen are now exceptionally painful and sensitive and you dread accidentally touching them. Urgh!

So, gee, other than those things, there hasn't been a whole lot going on around here. Ha ha, right? I'm already tired, and it's time to go make dinner for the wet wolf pack (they were playing in the kiddie pool with Anna) and then make dinner for the hopefully dry child pack.