Sometimes, there are miracles.

And usually when you least expect them...

Let's back up a ways so that things make sense. As we all know, I'm in chemo session 2 out of god knows how many to come.

Session 1 seemed to serve to freeze the little fuckers in place - no growth, no multiplication, no nothing - so it made sense to continue with what we were doing to try and keep them that way. It would have been awful nice if they'd disappeared or something, but I don't even hope for miracles of that level.

This week was cycle two, meaning Monday chemo, Tuesday hydration, Neulasta shot and Procrit shot. I'm done with the Venofer or Ferrlecit (iron infusions) for now, unless I need them again.

Last night was pretty horribly gnarly, with the side effects flyin' left and right, and my absolute favorite - an intestinal blockage - taking center stage. I was still so miserable this morning that I had to cancel my appointment with Andy, something I *never* do!

You're starting to wonder about the miracles by now, huh?

Well, the first miracle, thanks in no small part to Lorrie & Andy is that I have Social Security Disability money sitting in my bank account. I'm officially official now!!!! The government recognizes that terminal cancer is rather disabling!

I will get a monthly payment, but at the beginning, I get a retro amount (after paying my lawyer) which will let me get a good start on putting as much money as possible into my mouth.

I will be taking that money to ensure that I do not lose any more teeth in the immediate future. I'm going to do a tiny bit of comparison shopping, and find me a good, compassionate dentist up here who understands that I'm not trying to look like a supermodel; I just want to fill all my cavities and fix all the enamel that chemo has eaten away and get the absolutely necessary crowns or bridges or castles or whatever the hell I need to be able to chew. I do miss chewing.

The second miracle is even more miraculous. Mind-blowing-make-me-cry-miraculous.

The Breast & Cervical Cancer Treatment Program (BCCTP) is a combo state-federal funding deal that has been covering my cancer care thus far. Getting into the program gets you full Medi-Cal coverage for everything related to your cancer. When we first found out about this, we were told that the coverage limits were 18 months for breast cancer and 24 months for cervical.

That would mean that I "expire" in September 2010, which was a rather scary thought, all things considered....BUT, thanks again to the social worker at Feather River Hospital (it was a FRH social worker who got me into the program in the first place - a different social worker, but the same office) we have found out that I qualify for the federal side of the program, which has no limits.

Let's repeat that: It has no limits. I have full medical care coverage for the duration of my cancer, which in my life means, well, my *life*!!!

The only better news I could get about my medical-world would be if my cancer went away. Since I'm not too optimistic about *that* right now, I'll take *this* right now with the most sincere thanks and deepest gratitude there can be.

See, sometimes, there are miracles.

All quiet...

Well guys, I'm happy to report that the past week + has been nice and quiet.

What's new and noteworthy? It's Auntie's birthday!!! That deserves plenty of attention by itself.

So, Happy Hippo Birdie Two Ewe!!

Otherwise...after recovering from my ER trauma, (and updating that pesky medical info in my phone and elsewhere!!) I went and got my first chemo of the new series last Monday. That went fine, with no *major* side effects. It would have been a lot better had I been able to rest in the days following, but that just wasn't to be.

First thing Tuesday morning I went in for a checkup and Pap test with Dr. Davis. I'm not sure how long it's going to be for the results on that to come back on that, but you'll see it here when I do.

Then, after errands and food, we headed back up to Paradise for my post-chemo Neulasta shot and iron infusion.

Wednesday, it was time to go see Andy for my monthly visit. I had a later-day appointment, and when he came out to get me for my turn, I was sound asleep on the couch with Lloyd! I was really tired...

And by Thursday, I was flat out in bed, where I stayed until Saturday, basically!! Either the chemo or the Neulasta hit me really hard with the side effects this time. Massive, deep bone pain and aches all over the body. It hurt to lift a finger...to breathe...at times, I felt like it hurt to even close my eyes! But, laying still most of the time - with heating pad sometimes and icy packs others - and doing some light yoga to stretch out, is the best therapy and pretty much the only thing I could do.

By Saturday, I was a whole lot more comfortable, so I was able to really enjoy my visit with Dawn that night for pizza, movie and conversation; then Sunday, I got to teach her to knit while we waited for our belated-Easter ham dinner to finish up. Thank you Dawn! I know that I'm not the greatest companion these days, since I have to spend so much of my time sitting still, but these visits really make a huge impact in my morale. I don't have many friends who live close enough or are even *able* to come and visit, so I doubly appreciate the ones who can.

Well, it's Monday night now, and I'm back to being seriously achy and miserable...ah well. That's definitely far from the worst I could feel, so I'm not going to complain! Tomorrow is my iron infusion, and then I have the rest of the week to rest and sleep. I think I'm going to go start working on that right now. ;-)

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

...sometimes is too damned far away!!!!!!!!!

You know all those things that you need to do, that you really, really get to one of these days?

Don't wait. Tomorrow is too far away, because you don't know when you'll end up in the ER with an ex-Navy corpsman turned RN trying to get a line into your installed port, no emergency list in Lloyd's phone, NO emergency info in MY phone, which all my daily meds and doses should be kept. Lloyd, a couple nurses, calling Aimee and finally calling Jamie, my fantastic, amazing neighbor who came running over to the ER to bring my Kindle, where there IS a copy of all of this.

The crazy thing is, I SWEAR I had this all set up under control, but it wasn't. I guarantee that I was the most fun that the Gridley ER has seen in a long time!!

All of this started on Thursday, the day I was supposed to start my next chemo series and I just felt like crap. I cancelled, for the first time ever, and felt like hell all day and night. Lloyd was out taking kids back and forth the Grandmas, but when we got home, I actually begged for the ER. I'm not fond of ER visits, so that tells you a lot.

Once they started getting drugs through, my brain started sloooooowly starting to work, and I was able to think of things to help, like calling Aimee (THANK YOU) and He-Jamie, our neighbor across the street, who has the same phone. (and actually a paramedic, I believe!).

When She-Jamie got to the ER with my Kindle, which has a list in it too, we were able to start solving problems. By that time, I had enough IV narcotics in my that I could think enough to realize I was in narc withdrawal because I'd been barfing, and therefore not taking my medicines. This was the breakthrough of the night.

Got me all back up to my proper levels, didn't find anything else on the urinalysis or xrays, and finally I was damn near conscious. I felt bad dragging everyone out in that weather, but Jamie(s) and Aim--you guys save the day.

I will try and write more, and more often later, but right now I'm falling asleep on the computer. My chemo schedule is all whacked up now, so I don't even know when I'm going in to start up. Now I'm going to fall down, with at least 2, but maybe 3 doggies.

When I wake up, I SWEAR I am going to get all of those emergency things up to date. We could have saved at *least* to hours if I'd had my shit with me last night, and not had to drag my amazing, loving friends all over the place.

I'm damned lucky to have all of you!!!!!!!!!!

XOXOXO