It is really rather difficult to be managing both the beginning and end. I've got a baby to raise, and my oldest to say goodbye to. That's enough to make anyone completely insane, right?
I certainly hope that's enough justification. I can't remember what I'm doing or have done from one minute to the next, while trying to raise baby, take care of Oz, fill out disability paperwork, handle normal household responsibilities, help take care of kids, try and take care of my myriad aches, pains and really BAD pains, remember to take my pills, remember to give Pea her pills, wonder what in god's name is wrong with my right hand, and above all, take full, 100% complete and total UNARGUABLE SOLE RESPONSIBILITY for knowing when Oz's time is up.
I bottle fed him at 3 weeks of age and wasn't sure he'd survive. I will be the only one to decide when it's time, so I have to watch carefully. Not one minute of suffering if I can prevent it.
Meanwhile, I need to call the vet NOW, when I'm at home, calm and functional, to find out what my options are for Oz's final arrangements, and make a decision now. I think I'll go do that.
Ok. That was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but it is done. Pea and Stella were good to lay down with after the phone call. We'll now have two cats' ashes in little wooden boxes in this house. Throwing up is a distinct possibility, but I really hope I don't.
It's just a very strange place to be, dealing with cancer and sickness and a sick cat and a new puppy. There is a lot of sadness and a lot of joy all in one room.
I think I deserve to go read a book now. No more being productive and cleaning and such for now. Just resting.
2 comments:
Is OZ one of the kittens we brought to you oh so many years ago?
aw, stephanie...i'm so sorry! (((HUGS)))...
i had to put my first dog down (i was in college). she had parvo, and she was young. (less than a year). i am grateful for every minute i had with her.
you will know when its time, have peace mama...
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