Thursday, May 28, 2009

The evil stepmother rides again!

Well, as I predicted a while back, the blog is pretty blah these days, because I don't have any dramatic new medical weirdness to report.  That in itself is wonderful; lord knows I don't need any more medical weirdness; but it doesn't make for very interesting reading.

So, where are we these days?  We're in almost the exact middle of the busiest three weeks of my entire year, and as it would happen, ALSO in the exact middle of my dental marathon.

School's out next week, which means that school time is mainly cleaning up and goofing off.  That's all fine and dandy, but when you've got an 8th grader who's graduating, you've also got about a million activities tied into it all to keep you busy.  Dances, trips, graduation practice, awards assemblies, you name it, all leading up to the actual graduation.

Take all of that, and mix in voting, vet appointments, guests, tub repair dude, science projects, doctor's appointments, visiting grandma, yoga and my dental marathon, add water and stir.  Sounds like fun, huh?

Next year, thank the gods, we have NO one graduating from anything.  They'll be finishing up 7th, 9th and 10th, so we get a break before we then have several years of people graduating again.

Trevor will, of course, be a valedictorian, just like Conner was before him.  Unlike Conner before him though, I really don't feel that Trevor should be.  That's a pretty bold, controversial statement for me to make, but this is *MY* blog, and therefore is entirely my opinions, take 'em or leave 'em.

While Trevor will be graduating with the proper GPA to earn valedictory status, I personally don't think that GPA alone should be the deciding factor.  I think that the valedictorian(s) should be someone who represents the best of the class in all ways--and that is why they are chosen to get up and speak for the entire graduating class at the ceremonies.  That person or persons should have the moral character to represent their class and have earned their GPA the right way.  I guess that's the best I can do of explaining it abstractly...

But to put it another way, I don't think that someone who hit another student in class and was suspended for a day and received 20 demerits but worked off 10 of them working after school and then later got an F at the quarter in reading for not turning in a single book report all quarter because he was too addicted to his computer games to bother doing his homework but then made up all the missed work and was given *full credit* for it really DESERVES that honor above and alongside people who have honestly worked for it.

I just don't, and if you don't agree with me, that's your prerogative, but like I said, it's my blog.

Needless to say, my very strong feelings in that area make this graduation much less of a proud moment than it should be, and the actions of others make it far less of a happy one than it should be.  Frankly, I'd rather skip the whole damned thing, since it's turned into one of those things where I'm reminded quite clearly that I am merely the stepmother, here to do a job, required to prep for and show up at the graduation, but given no part of it to enjoy.  

Specifically, the shirt that I picked out for Trevor to wear, a nice looking cream colored, non-geeky, cream-on-cream embroidered with Hawaiian motifs, cool, flowing shirt, was deemed unacceptable by his grandmother, and she replaced it with a long-sleeved ugly-ass thing that
 he's going to roast in during the 90-degree + ceremony and dance afterwards.  

But, because SHE is his grandmother, he IS to wear the shirt she bought him and the tie sent by his mother.  I am merely the stepmother, and my contributions and opinions and efforts to do something nice for him are entirely worthless.  I can't wait to see what kind of crap they pull when it's Anna's turn.

Then again, they probably won't do anything--It's worth mentioning that beloved Mommy and Grandma felt no need to do anything of the sort for Conner's graduation last year.  Trevor is almost always the only one who gets special treatments.

And it's worth mentioning again that while I VERY rarely vent about family issues, and almost never talk about the kids' disciplinary problems, this IS my blog, and if you don't like what you're reading, don't read it.  I'm kind of disgusted about this stuff right now, in case you can't tell.

And, it's about time to get ready to head out to today's dental torture session.  I'm never quite sure what they're going to be doing to me each day.  I just show up and sit down and hope for
lots of novocaine.  Yesterday was pretty intensely painful and miserable but that's ok.  I'll put up with anything to get this stuff done!!  

Thank god for yoga tomorrow.  That is my only real obligation for the day, thank god.  I'm doing another private lesson with Lisa to get me back into the space and ready to go to regular 
classes starting next week.  I think that will be a huge help mentally and physically.  The weekend is pretty well empty, and I'm thinking of spending it in bed.  We'll see.  Off to try and tackle the world...even if all I can do is try!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

You dont have to explain the Step-Mom issuse's here, been there done that. I've been in your shoes. and I hated to work so hard to get something done to only have to bite my tounge because mom or grandma said or did something different. just hang in there, hopefuly as the kids grow they will see just how much you do for them and care about them. It's tough to be there everyday and then have to step aside on a very important day just grin and bare it, i used to make up jokes about the other family and tell them to my self to keep a smile on my face. Or if something she tried to do blew up in her face, I just smiled and walked away tl let her handle it.

Take care
Rhonda

Jaime said...

I'm a firm believer in saying any damn thing you please in your own blog. It is yours.

And I'm pretty darn positive that calling bullshit on bullshit doesn't make you the evil stepmother. Perhaps the people undermining everything you try to do would like to step in and be the responsible adults for a while.

Oh wait...that didn't work out so well did it?

Ride on.

(I bought you presents on the trip. They will be coming soon to a mailbox near you.)

Love you
Mom

darcy said...

Well you could have paid the mom upfront for the next 10 years of child support only to have her send the step child out to live with you, then demand him back, then sue you for child support (even though it was already paid) and win, then start threatening to send him out to live with you again....

It's mostly a crappy situation. But you are the one that is molding these kids as you are the one that is there day in and day out. So although no one will ever outwardly say thank you or send mom day cards, etc. , just watch them grow and keep in mind what they would have been like with no step mom there at all. The difference that you will see is the only reward you will get.

Oh, and it really helps to believe in karma or regard yourself as a saint. Hang in there - and I totally agree with your opinion on the valedictorian thingy!!!

Stephanie said...

All three of you are right, and I know it. It's just nice sometimes to be able to vent about it and be pissed off as much as I want. Gets it out of the system somewhat.

THE PRINCESS of everything ... said...

You make many points that I can;t argue with (as I have been there myself) but I'm not sure this is the venue to vent on. But that's just my opinion. I would just suggest that you NOT call Dr Laura with any of this - haha

Stephanie said...

Dede-- Of course I respect your opinion, but I do have to respectfully disagree.

Like my mother said, this is precisely the venue. It's my blog, my journal of thoughts, feelings and experiences both going through cancer and its aftermath; and the daily life along the way.

If I'm going to vent anywhere, I think that a blog a pretty great place, to be read by friends and family, to give me the support I need.

And honestly, if I said something completely out of line in my venting, my mother, my aunts or one of my friends would call me on it and bawl me out.

I am never, ever, deliberately mean or try to intentionally hurt people, so I do not ever say or write anything that isn't true when I'm reporting the facts of a situation; and I wouldn't write anything about anybody that I wasn't willing to say to their face.

I love my husband and my kids as much as anyone in the world could, but they all drive me bonkers *sometimes,* and the children's mother...well, I choose NOT to comment on her right now.

So, long story long, while I share my blog with an internet community, it's still my journal, and I can still get pissed off in it if I want to.

I'm sorry if it bothers you, but I am very open and blunt about expressing my feelings normally, and having cancer has only intensified that in me.

Oh, and Dr. Laura is an ignorant, narcissistic twit. :-)

Auntie said...

A big ditto for what your mom said and more. I have been there and watched you mother those kids when you could hardly take care of yourself. It sucks that some people get mother credit just for shipping out a tie, but in the end you can't control other people, just your reaction to them.Vent anywhere you want Steph and then...relax and be as Zen as the situation allows.Darcy is right, the kids will remember what you did for them out of love more than what any in and out family members did on a special occasion.That being said, if anyone tries to interfere with Anna's graduation I will have to be there to wrestle them to the ground because I saw you take a pissed off, confused 6 year old and mother her into a sweet, secure kid and you deserve credit for it.She was the youngest and the neediest of them all and you have been as much a mother to her as if you'd given birth to her and even YOU don't know how much you contribute. Just mother from your heart and the hell with Mother's Day cards. Know that you did it for all the right reasons;because you cared to be there when their own mother didn't.

THE PRINCESS of everything ... said...

doooo consider that absent moms & grammas do not have the last word on anything that goes on in YOUR household. I don't disagree with your feelings, they are justified from many angles. I just know from my own childhood experiences, things can be said (or printed in this case) that give kids a mental dialogue that can last a lifetime. YOU & Lloyd are raising these kids, the others are along for the ride. enuf said on my part- & you're right, I don't have to tune in. I'm a half full kinda gal anyway. May the force be with ya!

Stephanie said...

Well, goodness, I never imagined that I'd ignite such a firestorm by complaining about a stupid school policy and an inconsiderate grandmother. I talk about the graphic details of my bowel habits and nobody even blinks!

Dede, the ONLY thing I was taking issue with was my "right" to vent and the appropriateness or not of this blog to be the venue for that venting.

It all boils down to the fact that it's my blog.

The children do not read it. I just asked Conner, and he had no idea that I had one. I believe him, he has far different priorities in his life than reading about my bowel habits. Besides, he gets that update at the dinner table. ;)

As I said, there is nothing on here that I would not say outright to someone's face and there never will be. Their mother and their far-from-absent grandmother *should* find nothing to complain about in that sense.

You and I obviously have very different opinions on this whole issue, but I never dreamed I'd provoke such a strong response with my post. Boy, it's a good thing I've never shared my feelings on some other subjects.......!! Yikes.

darcy said...

For the record, I left many a comment on your bowel habits.

Jaime said...

Pfft...this is nothing. You don't spend near enough time online.

Go read this. It will explain it all.*g*


http://xkcd.com/386/

Love you
Mom