Ah, Sunday...

Ahh, Sunday... the day in which children do chores, and I watch them. I've got this parenting thing down pat.

I myself haven't been up to too many chores lately. I've been getting better at listening to what my body wants along the recovery path, but the last few days, all it's wanted is rest. There's been significant pain lately, right along the incision line and just above and below it, with lots of swelling in the pubic area. Some sort of nerve endings are working on something in there, and it's not any fun at all while they do it. I've been napping almost every day (much to the delight of two gray kittycats), not pushing myself too far while still being somewhat up and active most of the day, and yet still have days like this where all I feel like doing is going back to bed for a month. It's really frustrating and discouraging.

It feels like I've made precisely zero progress sometimes...

And yet, as usual, I don't LOOK sick. Right? Right.

Then again, the way today is going, I might not have to worry, because we might blow away to Oz. The winds we get up here at this end of the state boggle my mind. And this is just a windy day in the spring--it's nothing at all compared to the winds we get during some of the winter storms. I feel pretty sorry for the organizers of Kite Day up in Chico today. Aimee kindly invited us to join her over there this afternoon, but our plans at home intervened. I'm afraid that if the winds in Chico are anything like they are here, all the kites are either going to snap in the wind, or tangle into one giant ball in the sky. Brings on an interesting mental picture don't it?

Let's see, I've been doing lots of my indoor gardening, fussing with houseplants, lately. I genuinely love being in a house full of plants, so it's a rewarding new hobby. I'm reading up, learning what the ones I already have are and finding interesting new ones. It's also brought back funky memories of plants we had when I was a kid and Mom did lots of indoor gardening, back in the days BC--before cats. Finding Gracie-proof places to put plants has turned into a fun game for both me and Gracie. As much as I want to kill her when she gets into them, it's actually pretty funny watching her try to figure out how to get to them. The wheels turning in her head are quite visible.

Oh, and after some delays, I finally get my dental treatment started on Thursday. First the icky molar in the back gets extracted, then Friday is a post-op of a sort, and Monday I get the stitches removed. I've never had something like that take three visits before, but ok. It's just a lot of driving up to Paradise, but I already committed to that, so it's alright.

Oh yes, we are unfortuately dealing with one other medical problem in the house besides mine. My gorgeous baby girl dog is having a foot problem. We THINK it's an osteoarthritic-aging thing, where she's just getting stiff and sore. She's really favoring one front foot, and limping like crazy, BUT, of course it doesn't really prevent her from doing anything she really wants to do. If it did, then I'd be worried, but she goes and goes just like normal. What concerns me is how she'll sit and pant as if in pain afterward, and favor that paw. So, she's now on special (read: EXPENSIVE) doggie food for joints and a doggie version of motrin for the inflammation and pain, and we're hoping that after a period of time on both of those, she'll show some distinct improvement. It's the waiting that's driving me buggy. I want her better NOW. Well, it all just means that she's even more spoiled than she was before. I see Doggy Steps in my future. Anything for my girl.

I think that's about it from our windy part of the world. I guess I've stalled long enough, and I certainly don't have anything else interesting to say. I need to find the energy to drag myself up to the shower so then I can drag myself back downstairs to find something to do. It will probably involve yarn. It's been far too long since I did any serious knitting, and I'm working on getting my fingers nimbled back up. Off I go.

PS: Movie review-- Bolt is funny. Quite funny. The hamster in Bolt is funnier than shit. Seriously. Rhino is my new hero.

Am I gonna get voted off the island?

Ok, I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm working on my "survivorship plan" and finding out that it's a lot of work!

I am using everyone's suggestions to try and figure out what I need and what my body wants, and learning as I go along.

Most importantly, Lloyd and I have started a notebook keeping track of things like how much I'm sleeping and how I feel each day; how much of the day is active, "up" time, how much exercise, when we're out of the house, how I feel afterward and how much of my day is rest time. And, there is rest, and there is Rest. We have decided, for the purposes of this exercise, that real Rest time, whether I actually fall asleep or not, is defined as time when I am laying down, not doing ANYthing else, like reading, computer-ing, watching tv--just quiet, laying down, resting and hopefully sleeping.

After only a few days of keeping the notebook, we've observed that 3 hours of being up and active, whether it's here or out shopping, is about my limit. And, each day around 3pm is when I start crashing and need to go to bed and do my real Resting, even if I've been sitting all day long. My Resting generally lasts about 3 hours too, I just get up when I really feel ready to get up.

So, progress is being made. I have a couple of great books on cancer survivorship that I'm reading and using to help formulate my plan, such as it is. Mistakes are being made, lessons are being learned, but we're getting there.

Yesterday, I was up and active doing some of my nice indoor gardening for a couple hours, and it felt great, and when it stopped feeling great, I put away my toys and retreated to my rocker. I am having fun filling my house with plants (beauty AND oxygen!) and even put a plant in each boy's room. It is satisfying my spring fever gardening urges, just as I'd hoped, and is entirely frog free. Ha! Take that frogs. I've made a couple terrariums and I think I'm tired of them now. It was a short phase. I'm just planting things now.

That's about all...right now I am in my rocker by the fire, with two doggies on their smooshy beds, and two kitties going batshit with a furry mousie, going to read my survivorship book. Life is good.

I think my brain is on vacation.

No, seriously. I stare at things, and I know I should understand them on some level, and I get nothing. I think the very low level of oxygen reaching my brain may have something to do with this. Not only am I still having the previously mentioned lung (ok, I swear I just typed "lunch" instead of "lung") problems, but my nose is running like a faucet and refuses to become unclogged. This is one of those days where my body hates me.

So, where are we today? So far, in our jammies, in front of the fire, watching a child vacuum, while two dogs look baffled (in that special way that only dogs can) as to why their nice, soft, marshmallow-y doggie beds are up on top of the dining room table.

Ok, now we are back in front of the fire after a short break, no longer in jammies, with smooshy doggie beds returned to their proper place in front of mommy's rocker and a dog installed on each bed. Life is as it should be, no?

So, the evil disease of whatever sort it was that attacked me in the night went away *almost* as quickly as it appeared. It was pretty bizarre. I got violently ill somewhere around maybe 1 am(?) and stayed that way until around 1-2pm the next day, when I started seeing little glimpses of humanity. Those little bits grew, and by about 4, I managed a shower, to drink a significant amount of liquid (I'd gotten in tiny sips just to take some pills) and between those things the last piece of fever that was hanging on lost its grip. It went from 100.1 at one reading pre-shower to 98.8 at the first reading post-shower and liquid. It was all uphill from there, I slept straight through the night, and was up and out for my 10 am appointment with the radiation oncologist just like a normal person.

Dr. Barclay, the radiation oncologist, was quite pleased with everything he saw, so that checkup went fine. There's really nothing to report, because, it was all just about what I knew--the pain I have is from the radiation and it's totally normal, and luckily I have good pain meds, so yay.

The appointment after that, with the pulmonologist, was somewhat less straightforward, and kind of bizarre, really. First of all, I don't like him. He's arrogant, and comes off as an ass. Not making any brownie points there, that's for sure. Dr. Batin really could not figure out from my CT readings why in the world I was sitting in his office and seemed at first rather in a hurry to remove me. After the first couple minutes though, he seemed to almost visibly rachet down a notch or two, come back to earth, and start treating me like a patient. It was, at least to me, literally a visible change.

Perhaps (AHA!) our dear Dr. Batin read the word C A N C E R in my file, and realized suddenly that he should treat me like a real patient, and not merely an interruption. Your guess is as good as mine, but next thing you know, many questions were asked, some generalized poking, prodding and stethoscoping was done, and I was being sent off for so many blood tests that the phlebotomist had to call and have him translate his handwriting and it took SIX tubes of blood to perform them all. I am to have a chest xray in two weeks, 2-3 days prior to my next appointment with him.

Now, I've got some experience with illegible handwriting, but this guy takes the cake. Wow. But, from what I can determine on my own, from questions he asked and blood work he ordered, he seems to be doing some tests for lupus. That's been a recurring theme in my medical care for a little while now, not shockingly--fibromyalgia, family history, etc, I'm a prime candidate. He's also (according to the phlebotomist) testing me for aspergillosis, which could definitely explain that weird little blob in my lung. It's a mold-thing, we all inhale millions of spores every day, but those with compromised immune systems can develop infection from it. Sounds logical, so I guess we'll see.

That was Thursday. Friday was dentist time; time to extract that monster-ugly hunk of molar in the back that gives me so much trouble. I showed up for my appointment, and found out that Dr. Mazj's office had JUST sent over the authorization form that they'd had since Monday, and on the form, had specified that I must pre-medicate before every dental procedure with 4 Keflex. SO, since I had not known this, and had not pre-medicated, there was to be no extraction. Needless to say, I was not pleased. For one thing, if Dr. Mazj had sent the form over on time.............. OR, if Dr. Mazj's office had called and told me this, I HAVE Keflex at home and I could have done it. Grr.....

Needless to say, Friday did not leave me a happy person. A rather totally UNhappy person, really. Now I have to wait over a week and a half for that extraction, which is going to take an unheard-of 3 visits--1 to pull, a check up the next day and stitches pulled a couple days later. To get all the stuff done that I need done, I am indeed going to be living at the clinic in Paradise for the next year and a half. It's worth it..........but boy, am I going to be tired.........

Today, I'm trying to rest. It's not working ALL that well, for the usual reasons, but I am trying.

A day of rest...sorta...

Ok, this wasn't the day of rest I'd envisioned. With Dr. and dentist appointments every other day of this week, I'd planned that today was going to be my resting and relaxing; knitting and spinning; reading and writing day. Sounded good, huh?

You know what they say about the best laid plans....

I guess the good side is, I got LOTS of sleep and bed rest. Lots and lots and lots. The bad side was, well.....I woke up maybe a half house after to going to sleep, projectile vomiting. Mondo fevers-as high as 104.3-and sweats (by this morning, my skin was covered in fine salt!), massive body aches and pains in different places, diarrhea, you name it. It wasn't until somewhere after 3:30 or4 that I was able to get up and STAY up long enough to take a shower, crawl downstairs to get a couple things. Now, THAT wore me flat out for hours.

I'm used to feeling like I've been beaten, but this pain was new. If it would have stayed on the lower right, where it's been a lot of the time, I was going to make Lloyd take me to the ER for an appendix check-in. Luckily (ha ha), it moved all over the place and felt far less appendix-ish and my fever was going down, slowly, but surely. I wasn't able to drink liquids last night, so it wasn't until after I took my shower this afternoon and drank some water that I was able to get my temp down into a normal range.

So, after sleeping nearly all day-I think I've been "up," but still active-ish, so I'm drained enough to head to bed.

Happy Shamrock Day!

Happy, happy St. Paddy's Day to everyone. For some reason, every time I think of the word "shamrock" I think of Shamrock Shakes and Grimace in a leprechaun outfit. Some sort of childhood trauma, I'm sure.

First, before I do anything else, a couple of notes:

• I am compiling all the suggestions and information from all your great notes on my recovery plan, and will share what I've come up with once I've got it all kind of put together.
• If I start doing macrame, I will shoot myself, so do not worry, dear auntie.

Just wanted to mention those before I got sidetracked!

Ok, onward. Yesterday was the one-month-post visit with Dr. Mazj, or as it turned out, Roni, his PA. It was actually a very productive, very helpful visit. I'll try and share everything we discussed and sorted out, but it won't be in any sort of order, so you'll have to pardon me if it's rather disorganized!

• I'm cleared to start yoga classes (YAY!!!) as long as I stick with the "Gentle Level 1" and "Gentle & Restorative" classes at first, and as my pain dictates.


• I can start taking my mountains of supplements and vitamins again, which, while I F***ing hate taking all the pills (more than you will ever know my friends...) they might help me on the road to recovery


• My weight gain is, sadly, normal, and most likely radiation's fault. I'm supposed to talk to the radiation oncologist about it on Thursday. It's most likely because of all the liquid I'm retaining, which would make some sense. I've gained somewhere between 5-10 lbs, which fluctuates from day to day, and it's all come on in less than 3 weeks time.


• Now, before you say it Mother...........I did not need to gain this weight, and it NEEDS to go away. See, I went into surgery back in Sept somewhere between 135 and 140 lbs, which was too heavy, and anyone who saw me last August would tell you that was true. After surgery, I dropped all the way down as far as 115, which was too skinny, and anyone who saw me would agree. For a lot of months, my fight was to stay "on the right side of 120" as I put it, meaning above 120, preferably around 125. 125 puts my BMI at the PRECISE right place, and that's what I care about, not the weight number, the BMI number. At 125, I feel good, my clothes fit properly, and my BMI is 22.9. "Normal" is 18.5-24.9. Now, I'm floating between 130 and 137, which puts my BMI at 24.7 (that's calculated at a weight of 135) which is borderline "obese" according to the BMI calculators, and borderline unhealthy in general. I had gotten to a good place, and now I'm in a bad one again!!! In theory, it will go away over time...but I am certainly not happy at all. Pants I wore 2-3 weeks ago are binding around the waist now!
• We spent lots of time talking about my pain and swelling, which are once again...normal.


• They drew blood (I KNEW I wouldn't make it out of there without at least one needle-stick...) for a CBC panel, which came out "great" according to the nurse who called me this morning. I didn't ask what the results were, because I don't know what the scale on that one means anyway. What it means to me is that I'm cleared to have my dental work done Friday, which is what matters to me right now.


• We talked lots about nutrition, and the fact that mine totally sucks right now, and ways to try and correct that....... ways to actually get some food or food-like substances into my body. Apparently, I have to get more food of some sort in me. Blurgh.


• And, of course, we talked lots and lots about my recovery plan and how to get one going. She says it's actually called a survivorship plan and gave me a nice fat booklet from the National Cancer Institute on life after treatment. I haven't finished reading it, but so far it seems it will help. The corresponding booklets for chemo and radiation were great, very helpful, so hopefully this one will be as good. As I mentioned above, I'm compiling everyone's advice, and I will share when I've got it figured out.


• CT scan results came back--so far, so good. There is nothing on them that looks like cancer, which is what we're aiming for. Strangely enough, there does seem to be a lung infection brewing (weirdest part of that is that I had no idea they were scanning as high as my lungs!) so Dr. Mazj is sending me to a pulmonologist, to make sure that whatever it is gets taken care of immediately and aggressively. Funny, I have been having some odd coughing and chest tightening starting lately and getting progressively (but verrrrry slowwwwwly) worse. I just figured it was asthma, but it might be a viral infection, so they want to make sure I'm watched carefully. My immune system still can't take any major illnesses!

So! After all of this, I had a little family meeting with the kids at dinner last night to talk about my recovery and rest needs. It's hard right now for them to understand, because I don't "look sick" to them, so it doesn't make sense that I have to lay around and do nothing for some period of time. And, it's harder than hell for me to tell them no when they come and ask for something. It'll be something simple, like "I can't find the tylenol" in the kitchen cabinet, and I get up for 2 minutes and find it for them. Problem is, that scenario will get repeated about 8 times and I'm perpetually up-down-up-down. Hopefully our talk last night will help, both on their side and on mine, because my own guilt at not helping them or taking so much time for myself is part of the overall problem. I have to work on that part in my own head.

That, perhaps, is the biggest, hardest, most confusing, frustrating, maddening part of the entire equation right now.........................................

The central theme of every bit of advice and direction I get on how to structure my recovery period is to listen to my own body and not do any more than I can handle, stay within my own limits, let my own body dictate the amount of activity I do, listen to my body, listen to my body, listen to my body, and listen to my body.

I am apparently either stone deaf when it comes to listening to my damned body, or it's not saying a hell of a lot!!! Or speaking Esperanto. No matter what, my stupid body isn't telling me what I need to know in definite terms, like "sit down and rest for at least 3-4 hours every day." All it says is "I'm tired," or "Ouch." Obviously, I have some work to do in that area, and so far I haven't found anyone who can really guide me on it.


Well, right now my body is saying "I'm tired," so I'm going to listen to it before it's time for my hair appointment at 2:00. Here's the ultimate in totally unintentional irony--I had no real concept of what day it was going to be when I made my hair appointment. Amber said Tuesday, I said sure. So, I'm going to the salon to get the green streaks REMOVED on St. Patrick's Day. That really is kind of funny...

Off to rest for a while.

Merry Sunday!

This, right here---> is the happy place.

I'm fond of corners. I have four corners of the house that I claim for myself now, in one way or another. This is the happy, quiet, resting, rocking by the fire, doing yoga and reading corner.

The very front corner near the front window is where the giant antique desk full of craft supplies and the sewing cabinet are.

The back corner of the living room is where my spot on the couch is, and all my knitting and tv watching occurs.

The little corner that was supposed to be the "breakfast nook" in the kitchen is where my desk is, where the computer lives when I'm not carrying it around the house, and where my calendar is, making it one of the most important places in the house. Mission control!

I was taking photos of things, so I thought I'd show off what I've been doing, and how I've rearranged the dining room so that it can be half dining room and half family room in front of the fire. Ahhh..... I've been in a good mood today.

So, why am I in such a good mood today? I mean, I'm not complaining about it, but there is sure as hell NO good reason for it. I'm having massive neuropathy pain in that pesky ilioinguinal inner thigh & genital area and my right hand, which keeps going to sleep on me too, severe, severe, severe pain in my lower-lower abdomen, pelvic area & back. Really bad. Like, some of the shooting pains in my back in the last few minutes have made me stop, double over and contemplate my toes.

Unfortunately all of the pain issues are probably related to the yoga workout I did this morning, which felt amazingly good at the time. I felt really strong physically, really good & focused mentally, did a gentle, easy stretching routine, did NOT push myself any farther than my body could handle...you know, all the stuff I was supposed to do.

This is like the 4th or 5th day in a row I've managed to get down o the floor and do something, even if it was 5 minutes of stretching my legs. ANYthing helps, everything counts, right?

Sunday is chore-day in our household, which means there has been much cleaning and vacuuming and everything looks nice and pretty now. We all know that a clean house is very soothing for me...I'm weird that way.

Yesterday, Anna and I went out shopping and got most of the stuff I need to start making terrariums. We found cool jars and containers, cool rocks and sea glass for the bottom, moss, all kinds of stuff. We are missing one rather necessary component--plants! It seems that Gridley is rather anti-houseplant. Outdoor plants galore, but no indoor. I did find baby tears, which, according to the magazine article, are useable in terraria. So, I did buy those, and I'm going to experiment with one starter jar, to see if I can make it work, before I go hunting for more houseplants. It should work...we shall see. I started the jar before I sat down here to eat and blog and finished it after.

(Yes, look Mom, I ate! It was horribly bad for me, but I ate.)

I actually ended up making two terraria, and planting a big clump of baby tears in one of my favorite planters which desperately needed something interesting in it.

Terrarium 1 is the jar with the gasket. It's the one I meant to make, and I stuck a little angel figurine in there just because I had space and it needed something. I didn't know what, but something.

Ooh, now the excruciating crampy shooting pain is in the front! Don't worry, it's on *both* sides and all the way across, so it's not my appendix, I promise.

There's terrarium 1 --->

There's terrarium 2, down there below.

I guess we'll see how they behave and how well they live before I go out and stock up on teeny tiny houseplants to make more. Well, I do have one more container I REALLY wanna use, so I'll probably at least get plants for it so I don't just have an empty jar sitting around.

Now, I am absolute, definitely done for the day. Oh, man am I done. This pain is getting to be a bit much to ignore, so I think it's time to lay down and read magazines. It might be intestinal obstruction kind of pain, I think. Definitely time to lay down anyway.

But, it has been a very merry Sunday, with lots of prettiness in the form of jars filled with rocks, moss and soil.

Yep, I know I'm weird.

Spring fever...and a conundrum.

I have quite a conundrum, and I need to solicit input from my panel of experts. (That would be you.)

I also have some other catching up to do, so let's do that first.

Ok, first off, it really sucks to have spring fever, brought on by several gorgeous, temperate days in a row, which makes me want to garden something CRAZY, but I can't!!! I can't go out and spend a bunch of money on a truckful of plants, plant them, and then refuse to ever touch them again because I'm terrified of the frogs hiding in them. That's just not right, on many levels. I think I've found a solution....more on that in a bit.

General health update is, I have a horrible headache, I feel like I'm going to barf, and of course, once again, I have diarrhea. However, my weight has somehow managed to suddenly bounce back up about 10 lbs from where I was a few weeks ago, which is bizarre, because I don't eat, I barf a lot, and I have diarrhea a lot. Figure that out. Well, I see either Dr. Mazj or Roni (the PA) tomorrow for my 1 month post-chemo checkup, so we'll see what's what. I see the radiation oncologist Thursday, and back to the dentist Friday.

I saw the dentist yesterday to take a look at my mess of a mouth and get me started on some treatment. I think I have found heaven. Dr. Mazj referred me to the dental clinic over at the Feather River Hospital giant clinic center, which takes MediCal. Since I have dental damage along with all my other damage from chemo, it's covered by my BCCTP plan. Now, apparently, other clinics who work with MediCal have to get permission from MediCal to do certain things dentally, and are highly restricted on what they can do. Apparently, this clinic, because they have special status as a "rural health clinic" have some sort of federal mandate and according to the dental assistant, they don't have to ask MediCal for permission; they just do what they need to and it gets covered. Ok....I'm good with that....

Yesterday, I got a very thorough exam, and a treatment plan was worked up for all my future dental work. It appears I will be once again spending a lot of time in Paradise. It appears that we will be doing major work to almost every single tooth in my mouth, including partial denture plates, crowns, bridges, fillings, root canals and god knows what else. It also appears, from what the treatment plan I signed said, that the cost to me on this will be $0.00. Well, that's what it said. I am, of course, waiting to hear the "but..." in this situation, but that's what it said.

I am simultaneously exhilarated and scared they'll suddenly hit me with the "but..." If they don't, I would be happy to spend 2 or 3 days a week in Paradise at the dental clinic. The one drawback they have is that MediCal restricts them to doing no more than one procedure at a time, so I can't go and get 2 or 3 fillings at once, that would take 2 or 3 visits, but I can live with that. It's worth it. The dental clinic is also so high-tech, state of the art GORGEOUS that I love it.

SO, Friday I will get the infected back left molar extracted. Next, we'll be extracting the back right molar, which is threatening to get infected. Both of these are really only a piece of molar, since they were broken to start with, and since chemo, chunks have been cracking off of them. After that, who knows what next. I told the dentist, I will just show up and sit down and be quiet, and they can do whatever they need to do. I will drive to Paradise for the next two years if that's what needs to be done.

I think that covers the updates....now for the conundrum.

This will undoubtedly sound exceptionally stupid, but the dilemma (boiled down to its simplest components) is trying to figure out how to get all healed, recovered, "better," or whatever you want to call it.

Now, what I really want is a doctor to tell me to get up each morning and do A, B & C for 34 days and then do X, Y & Z for 63 days and then I will be all better. Lacking that, I need to figure it out for myself and I need input from others. Extra brains!

See, the problem is, I am supposed to rest and recuperate. But how much? For how many hours each day? I am supposed to get a little exercise. How much, how often, and how do I gradually ramp it up? (I have to ask the doc if I'm cleared to start yoga classes.) I need to figure out how to get past the guilt trips where I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something productive every minute of the day. But, I need to do something productive sometimes...right?

When you get sick, you get a treatment plan. Now I need the opposite of that. I need a recuperation plan. I have to do enough resting and recovering so that I actually get well, and I'm not sure how to go about that, or how often I should get up and out of the house and pretend to be a normal person without wearing myself out way, way too much and setting myself back.

So, input is needed. Please!!! Email me or comment here, I'm really interested in what everyone thinks I should try to do.

Today, I think I'm going to test out my gardening solution. That will be my "active" part of the day. I'm going to attempt to get my gardening fix from houseplants, and attempting to make a terrarium. I have vague, very faint memories of having one with Mom when I was a kid at one point. Or am I imagining that? But, it seems like a good idea. I can have the whole "fussing" thing that's kind of like spending time out making a garden (and I can do it outside when the weather cooperates) and make little houseplant terrariums. I saw an article in Real Simple magazine and got hooked. I've always like planting in odd containers, so this appeals to me. I guess we'll see if it satisfies my spring fever urges.

The things I am going to do outside this year are simple. We've decided we have to forgo the finch feeders this season, because the seed price has about quadrupled, and we just can't afford it. So, I'm going to just rake up the rock in that corner and plant a ton of sunflowers all over the place. Gorgeous flowers; eventual bird food! I've also got a really pretty trellis that had morning glory until the freeze killed it, so I'm going to clean that off, and plant some nasturtium seeds beneath it and see what happens. Nasturtium seeds tend to grow in what seems like air sometimes, so I should have to do too much work to rough up the ground under the rock for that. Both of those are plant it and leave it kind of projects, so no frog guilt!

Ok...I think I have updated all that needed to be updated, and rambled enough for one day. Please send input!!! I'm off to eat something squooshy and horribly bad for me.

Nothing terribly interesting...

Just sort of plodding along...it's all about still getting life back together, and getting started on my first round of check ups.

I had my 1-month-post-chemo CT scan this week. I made the trek up the mountain & showed up for it yesterday, only to discover that someone, somewhere along the line, was supposed to have given me a bunch of barium contrast solution to drink and told me to do things like fast before the test....and no one had. So, they corrected THAT problem, posthaste, rescheduled me for today and sent me away with lots of nasty stuff to drink.

Now, I'm fighting off something of some sort......some type of sniffly, congested head kind of thing that has to go away before Friday. Friday, I have an appointment with Feather River's dental department to try and take care of some of this massive damage happening in my mouth. Apparently, the chemo took its toll on my teeth as much as it did on everything else, and I've got a definite abscess going on at least one side.

Monday, I go see Dr. Mazj for a post-chemo check up, and later that week, a radiation check up. Just having to get up and be somewhere is exceptionally disturbing! It's hard mentally because it feels like getting up and going to radiation or chemo again.

Physically, I'm very, very tired. Very tired. Figure in the part where I'm fighting off a cold or something, and you've got the whole picture.

I go sleep now.

Getting all my chickens in a row....

Just a quick note to let everyone know that things are generally fine, I'm just behind on blogging while I try to get my chickens in a row around here. Organization is a wonderful thing, when one can manage to GET organized!

So, more to come later, when I'm awake and not heeding the strange urge to clean something or organize something.

And someone go get my rain back! I was promised there'd be more thundershowers. I'm getting pissed off here.

Icky-sicky, bitch & moan

Ok, this is hard to read on here, but try, it's worth it! Thanks to Clint for the illness-related humor. It's oh-so-fitting!

Yup, I still feel like crap, so I'm going to bitch about it. Well, at least a little. After a little time spinning some of the yummy-soft camel fiber I got for Christmas, I finally gave up and became horizontal and stayed that way.

Unfortuately, this meant lots of sleeping, a fair bit of barfing, intestinal gymnastics, and the definite onset of something respiritory. That last bit hasn't developed itself fully yet, but it's coming....I can tell with every breath.

And my mouth hurts. Like, my stomach insists I eat only dry cereal and bread-y things like toast, but eating things like that is excruciating because they have sharp-ish edges. My chemo-related mouth sores and soreness seem to be kicking in, finally. I guess it's going to be time to see a dentist about that fun and games, 'cause I have enough trouble with eating as it IS.

So, thanks to all of my ickiness, I missed the big boy's big birthday dinner at Buca di Beppo last night with his Grandma. I was more than a little bummed about that.... but I was so zonked, I don't even remember them leaving, woke up around 7 to feed some hyper dogs, and was in and out of consciousness until everyone got home around 10.

What worries me is all the sleeping. All I want to do is sleep, and I'm starting to have mouth problems. My history tells me that this is a really bad combination! Every time I've ended up wtih a really bad tooth abscess, it's been preceeded by some number of days worth of unexplained exhaustion. So, I guess we'll see.

In other news...there isn't much news. I finally have a valance over in the dining room window, which makes me happy. I've found that the rocking chair-glider thing that I have never been fond of --looks-wise, not comfort-wise, it's very comfortable-- is very nice for spinning. If I put a pillow behind my back, it puts me in just the right position to work the wheel without stressing out my back and neck muscles. Right on.

So, now that we're able to use half of the dining room as a family room, and I've grown fond of spinning in the rocker in front of the fire, my DH let me go ahead and order replacement cushions for it. When those come, I will LOVE the rocking chair. Right now, the cushions are this horrid pink and purple floral with green, which doesn't make a lot of sense....I mean, these are the glider chairs that are issued to every pregnant woman in America, by federal law (you know it's true!) but pink and purple flowers would not have been MY first choice when having a baby boy. Maybe I'm just weird that way...

But pink and purple flowers do not excite me, nor to they look real good in my pumpkin colored dining room. Sadly, the replacement cushions are going to take eight weeks to arrive. Eight freakin' weeks!!! We chose a slightly offbeat, but hopefully gorgeous fabric in golds and creams, with rather subtle honeybees flying around in the swirls. I know, sounds weird, but it looks neat. Again, these chairs are made for nurseries, not family rooms, so we had to work with what was available. I also found a slipcover for a pillow that has stripes of both the scarlet of the valance and the gold from the chair-cushions-to-be. It all works. In eight weeks or so, I'll take pictures of my finally-complete dining/family room.

I guess that's about it... I'm going to spend the rest of today much like yesterday, laying around and feeling cancerous and sick from head to toe. My poor darling husband has to go out in this rain and drive all the way out to Citrus Heights (Sacramento-ish) to pick up the big boy from his overnight visit with Grandma. That's a good 4 hours out of the day...no small chunk! I don't envy him having to be out on the road, but at least this storm is just a nice, steady rain. No raging wind gusts or anything violent, just rain. Rain is good. We need lots and lots more, so bring it on!

I'm going to go attempt to knit, nurse my headache and attempt to not cough. If I don't cough, I can't get a respiritory infection, right? It's denial at its finest.....