Almost ho ho ho time!

Well folks, it's almost here, whether we want it or not!!

Some years, I'm panicked about Christmas because I haven't finished my shopping, don't know what to get someone, didn't do as much baking - something like that.

Some years, I feel like I haven't done anything right, haven't decorated everything that doesn't move (and a couple that DO move) and I stress out feeling like everyone is going to be upset at me for not doing it right.

This year, I'm not stressed over A N Y T H I N G, which is friggin' amazing!

I don't know how it happened..... I somehow just decided that close enough was good enough on my decorating, not every single thing has to be out every single year. No one will die if I don't make 17 varieties of cookies & candies. The people who get gift cards from us instead of physical presents will not be horribly insulted. I don't need to spend days going through magazines and cookbooks trying to plan the Christmas dinner menu. Everything will be fine, and everyone will have a happy, merry Christmas all the same.

This is a really startling thing, coming from me!

I'm actually trying to follow my doctor's advice to take it easy - I'm only six weeks out of surgery and still healing from that, not to mention that I'm still recovering from chemo & radiation AND having massive fibro flares and near-migraine level headaches and I'm TIRED. Massive exhaustion kind of tired, the kind where I was way too close to dozing off several times driving home from the doctor yesterday. My new habit of falling asleep instantly at random times is more than a bit scary. I zonked out yesterday sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter rolling cookie dough into balls.

I'm getting a reasonable amount of sleep at night, but still so tired during the day that I slept for almost 5 hours when I took a nap. I figured that the bit where I almost fell off the stool was a hint that I needed a nap.

SO, I'm trying to take things really slow, and get my biorhythms back where they belong so I can function normally again. Lots of rest and minimal stress has been officially prescribed, and I am (for once, ha ha) going to try and take them seriously & hope that it helps my never-ending all-over body pain at least a little bit.

At this point, I'll take whatever I can get!! I'm really, really miserable right now, and not enjoying it one bit. Sadly, the gift wrapping, cookie baking, dinner cooking, etc. has to be done right about now so that we're ready for the big day on Friday, A N D our darling Stella girl comes home on Saturday, which means dragging all her things back out and finding places to hide all of the no-nos.

And on Sunday... I will rest, LOL.

Happy Hanukkah!

Merry Christmas!

Feliz Navidad!

Joyeux Noel!

Happy Kwanza!

Season's Greetings!

and the warmest of Hippo Holidays from me!!!

Thank you - all of you - for being out there, reading this, and giving me so much more support than I could ever have imagined.

Whooo, baby, it's cold outside!

Or, "Watching lame Californians try to figure out how to cope with cold weather;" or

"My children are going to freeze to death on the way to school because they can not read English," or

"Global warming my sweet patootie!!," or

any one of any number of other nice subtitles I could think up!

Yes ladies and gents, it's friggin' cold out there. It is 11:31 am, and it has reached a lovely high of 35 degrees thus far.

I have tried very, very hard to warn my children of the risks of things like going to school with wet hair when it is 20 out. I have typed in clear, large-font English that the boys need to wear BOTH layers of their two-layer winter coats. None of this appears to affect their behavior at all. I'm deeply puzzled by this. Am I missing something, or is it called "teenage boys," and therefore unavoidable?

Anna seems to be doing better, thank goodness, since she has the least body mass to help keep her warm. Lloyd reports that she almost forgot her gloves this morning, but was otherwise well prepared.

Some of our neighbors-- not so much. Apparently, some of the dorks at the mouth of the court (because all of us here at the end of the court are wonderful, aren't we?!) thought it would be a great idea to hose off their icy cars this morning. While their windows didn't all crack, lucky them, all the water they used to wash them off ran into the street, where it instantly froze, making a curb-to-curb ice slick. Brilliant!!

If our little part of the valley would hurry the hell up and get some precipitation, we'd have snow. But nooooo, the one cold snap of the decade or two where it's cold enough, and we don't have any moisture. So sad. Everyone else has snow. Snow would perhaps even convince me to leave the house. We're *that* close to a white Christmas! I've told Lloyd we should get up at about 4 am when everything is covered in heavy frost, turn on all the outside and window Christmas lights, and take pictures.

Ah well...right now, I'm nestled all snug in my bed, not because I really am that lazy, but because for the last 24+ hours, my body seems to have this annoying habit of barfing every so often. I'll be find for a long time, and then out of no where...... GAK! Hrm. I don't know what's up with this, but it's sure making it rough to get any food at all in me. So, even though I woke up at nearly 10 (ah, such a rough life, I know), I'm still nursing my first morning Dr. Pepper, fighting the random waves of nausea, making sure I'm really, really ready to leave the security of having the bathroom so close by before I head downstairs to face the day.

We finally got our Christmas tree on Saturday, after a week of false starts. Costco was offering 7-8 foot Noble firs for the unheard-of price of $41.99, and they were supposed to be in on the first. Then the second. Then maybe 5pm on the second...and so on. So, finally, we went to get ours on the fifth, to find out that A) it's a damn good thing we did, 'cause there weren't enough trees to last the weekend, and B) bringing the whole family for a tree-picking adventure was pretty pointless, because Costco's trade-off for the dirt cheap price on the tree is that you pretty much have zero choice in what your tree will look like. They've got one or two of them unbound for display, but the rest of the trees are wrapped up tight in twine, and about the only choice you get is, uh, this one or that one. It's all a big surprise when you get the tree home!

We did luck out-- it's a beautiful tree, about seven and a half feet, perfectly shaped. I guess I just have to trust the Costco elves to know their stuff. It's all installed in the stand, waiting patiently downstairs for me to start the oh-so-crucial first steps of putting the lights on. After I do the hard part, I can turn over most of the decorating to Head Elf Anna. Then again, we still have to finish decorating the rest of the house too...and cards to address...and gifts to buy...and wrap...and...and...and.........

I guess I should get out of bed now, huh? I still feel rather gak-y but the tree ain't gonna light itself. It's up to 37 outside, which is supposed to be close to the high for the day, so this is about as good as it's gonna get.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

A day of thankfulness, and learning a big, big lesson

Oh, I'm so far behind in updating this blog! I started writing right after Thanksgiving and am just now ready to post, so forgive me!

I have to say, I had a very nice, pleasant Thanksgiving, despite some very last minute changes in plans. It was warm and comfortable, surrounded by some of the people I love the most, with good food and good conversation. I have an awful lot to be thankful for.

And, over the last couple of days, I've learned a HUGE lesson about myself and life in general. I'm too nice. And it ends now!

Obviously, I need to explain.

The original plans for Thanksgiving around here were this: The three kids would get dropped off at Grandma's house (this would be their mother's mother) for two days of Thanksgiving fun, and Lloyd and I would enjoy our quiet time by doing absolutely nothing, like we've done the past couple of years, or, we might go to one of the many Indian casinos to be found around here and check out the buffet, play a few nickel slots and generally goof off.

Things changed at the absolute last-est last minute, approximately 10 or 12 seconds before

Lloyd and the kids were supposed to be getting in the car and leaving, when my baby girl was feeling so horrible, physically AND mentally, that I was not even remotely capable of making her get in the car and go. No way, no how. She needed to stay home, with me, and so she did. Lloyd accepted this pretty well, and I figured her Grandma would understand, given the extraordinary circumstances.

I called Grandma after Lloyd left, explained, and she took it pretty well, despite being disappointed.

I hadn't planned on cooking, but I had the

materials, luckily, so I pulled it together at the last minute. I couldn't have one of the kids home and not cook Thanksgiving dinner. The three of us had a very nice little dinner on our own. It's nice for Anna to have the two of us to herself once in a great while too. Quiet, pleasant and relaxing.

Now, here's the problem. Later, after I'd been off the phone with Grandma for a while, I realized that something that she said had really, really hurt my feelings. Then I found out that she told Lloyd something else that really hurt my feelings. What isn't important-- all that matters is that I realized that someone I thought of as a friend maybe didn't think of me as anything at all. Hmm.

Still--after 5 years of trying. I also found out that the ex, otherwise known at Mommy The Great and Wonderful, while thinking of me when I had surgery and sending flowers, was still upset with me. She kept thanking me for "taking such good care of her kids," as if I'm a nanny or something--when I considered them "our" kids these days, after I've been raising them for over 5 years - almost a year and a half longer than SHE raised Anna, by the way. I brought it up, she agreed that "our" was more appropriate now, and all was fine--until I found out that she's mad that I consider them "our" kids.

So, after all these years of trying, I've FINALLY realized what an unwinnable battle this is!

I hereby renounce all my efforts to try and make nice with people who don't want to be nice and who don't care about me at all. So there.

That was easy, right?! Yeah, we'll see how it goes in practice.

Since then, I've been alternating days of pre-holiday activity, shopping, decorating and all the usual fun with days of sitting very, very still and letting my back and hips rest after all the shopping and such.

It's going to be a pretty quiet Christmas for us, in that we won't have our usual houseful of company. I'm hoping Daddy and Chris will come, but they'll be about it. I'm part bummed and part ok with it all, because I'm just so tired that a quiet, mellow Christmas will be great. Each year since we've been married, we've hosted the family in whatever form, so it'll definitely be a change for us!!

How ever things work out, I'll be happy with it. I'm actually feeling pretty festive this year, maybe because I think I've got all the surgery behind me now, and I'm FINALLY on the road to recovery. That is definitely something to celebrate!!

I hope everyone else is finding things to be merry about too...2010 has got to be a better year for all of us, or else.

And for your entertainment...our Thanksgiving pumpkin Pi pie-- pi squared...but round. This was not my idea...I have strange children.

First post-op check-up!

Well, I went to see Dr. Davis this week, and he says that all is well with the results of my surgery. All my inside parts are tucked back inside where they belong, and the weakened parts of me have been reinforced with a Goretex mesh lining so that nothing can start escaping again.

I basically knew what was going to be done-- Dr. Pisani drew a little diagram for me. Dr. Davis is high-tech! To explain why I was having really strong pain in a particular area, where I hadn't had pain before, he pulled out his iPhone and zipped through some apps until he found the one with an interactive, full-color cross-section diagram that shows all the mesh attachment points. Way cool.

So basically, I'm healing well, and right on schedule. Two of my little bitty incisions have spots that don't seem to want to close, but that's not unusual for me. The other three are doing great, although they "pull" inside in some very uncomfortable ways. Very. Now that the incision pain has gone away, I'm starting to feel that patch that he sewed into my sacral spine, and it's very painful, but I guess that's to be expected right now, huh?

That's about it-- there isn't a whole lot to report, just that I'm healing well. I'm starting to spend more time downstairs, and going up and down the stairs is a bitch after the muscle aches set in, but it's good for me.

Onward, right? So far, so good.

March! 2 3 4. . .

So, do you remember the old thing that parents used to tell their kids--that if they didn't behave, they'd get sent to military school? Weeellll.... after much deliberation, we've sent our youngest to boot camp. Daddy is dropping her off right now.

It wasn't an easy decision to make, on many levels, but I'm convinced it was the right one. She's just reached that teenage-age where she's trying to assert herself, and it's not going over well. She's constantly trying to lord over Sparky, and it's all Pea can do to keep her under control and remain dominant. We won't even talk about the poor kitties.

The incidents recently with other dogs have been a major fact, of course. She tries to eat every strange dog she meets. She even sort-of tried to eat a kid on Halloween, but the vet says these things are very normal right now, and that the Halloween thing was definitely just fear and being overwhelmed by all the activity and strangers around her. She IS still a puppy, after all. But, I guess when they get this age, they're starting to try and make their place in the "pack," and basically become a massive pain in the ass!! At 76lbs of pure muscle, she's not exactly easy to handle, especially for me.

SOooo...boot camp. Stella will be a guest at High Test Kennels for the next 6 weeks. Six weeks!! Yikes. It sounds very scary, and is immensely hard for *us,* but the results are all but guaranteed-- full obedience training, all the standard commands you'd expect, including off-leash training, which is the biggie that I want, because I think that can be the biggest safety training you can ask for--knowing that she'll come back when I call her to keep her out of harms way. We will have to go out there and work with her in her training two or three times during the six weeks, but if we want to just go visit for a little while on other occasions, we can certainly do that.

I was very happy to find out that her sleeping quarters will be indoors, in her own run, with a raised sleeping platform in one corner, heated at night. We were able to take her own bedding and even her sleeping crate, just so she doesn't forget all her crate training, and so she had the familiarity and smells of her own "stuff."

As kind of an added bonus, after her stay, we're welcome to bring her back to play on their property, which is huge and has streams or ponds or something that the dogs can play in--majorly cool-- and just tons of space to run and run and run, safely. Now THAT is what Stella needs!!

In addition to running a boarding school/boot camp, the owners of the kennels are also Lab breeders. If you can follow this--our neighbor Jason's dog Ben's father (dog) who belonged to Jason's father (person) came from their kennel.

We've all gotten so used to her giant galumphing presence around here, it's going to be very strange without her. I have to confess that I'm a bit relieved that she'll be going through her training away during the exact time that I'll be putting up a Christmas tree... I'm sure she'll be a lot more restrained in trying to chew on the tree or wag-off the ornaments after training!! I hope. Depending on how things go, she might or might not be home for Christmas Day.

I am convinced that after the first couple of nights of being very confused, she'll actually have a ball there. She just loves learning things, doing tricks, being incessantly *busy* at all times. I've told Lloyd before that she is just too smart, and too great of a dog to "waste" by not training her right and letting her become a total wild thing. Intensive training will be right up her alley.

Ok, enough typing. I've had just about enough typing and sitting up for a while! Cross your fingers and toes that this goes well, because if it does, I'm going to have the best dog in the world--well, 2nd best. The Peadog still always wins. ;-)

I'm baaaaaack..........

Yup, I'm back! Dr. McCutie Pisani and his friend DaVinci the magical surgery robot with at least 4 arms did a masterful job of tidying up my insides and rigging things into place with guy wires or something.

Surgery went well, and the hotel stay, despite no private room, was as pleasant as any could be. So, it was basically miserable, but that was nobody's fault except MY body's fault!! I had some wonderful visitors who were able to take some time to come see me, even if our visits were unconventional-- Thanks for driving me to Dad's house Dawn & Jeff!!

I'm very sad about the people I wasn't able to see, but it was a pretty unpleasant trip to the bay area with little free time. I will have to go down, get a nice size room, and invited everyone over for a party!

So, I am recovering well, with an assortment of fuzzy four-footed companions at all times, and a very helpful little two-footed one who helps me out with anything I need and then keeps me company to boot!

My poor, long-suffering, darling husband is taking wonderful care of me, keeping the cooler at my bedside stocked with all the important things in life, like Diet Dr. Pepper, G2, and Lunchables, my new meal-in-a-box standard meal. Not the gross kinds like pizza or tacos; the good, old kind with just meat, cheese & crackers.

All in all, I am doing well, trying to get through my mandated week to 10 days of serious rest, walking circles around the room for exercise, taking my naps.

Sadly, what I'm not doing is being on the computer. Did my adorable doctor implant a Luddite transformer or something while they were in there?? I just have no interest in it at all--blogging, facebook, email, anything... I'm sure I'll get back to it soon, but for now, I just have to apologize and promise I'll be back!

I promise I'll be back!

It's naptime now, yay! If you want to find me, send a text, 'k?

I'll see you soon..........................................

XOXOXO,

~S

Off to see the wizard...again!

HOSPITAL TIME!!

Gee, does that sound familiar?

Well, here we go! I'm almost entirely packed, and therefore almost ready to tackle the last bit of organizing I have to do here at home, and then we're off.

Tons of anxiety.

Lots of stress.

Manic packing and racing around from one thing to another in a lovely ADD manner.

Too much luggage.

Too much shit I MUST take!

Husband who worries too much.

Too many things at home that are being left undone...which makes more stress.

But...................too little time to do anything else.

Time to zip the zippers, hop in the shower, and get out of here, quick like a

bunny. Wish me luck.

Happy Halloweenies!

Those happy Halloweenies would be us!

We like Halloween around here. Even the boys finally find a reason to leave their troll-cave, to

join in the important business of scaring the living shit out of almost* anyone and everyone they can.

[*There is an automatic exception made for anyone under the age of 8 and/or wearing pink fairy princess wings. It seems to be a rule that all little tiny, under-5 girls come with a set of

pink wings. Are they issued at birth?]

The front yard is decorated, intensely. We have the largest collection of styrofoam tombstones on the entire street. A casual passer-by might even make the mistake of thinking we're DONE decorating. Ha ha ha ha ha!

The real work begins right at dusk. That's when the lightsticks start getting cracked, and the light-up ice cubes (YES, I still have a bunch of those damned things!) get banged on things, and all the final, glowing, eerie touches are put on things. That reminds me, I have a ghost to finish!

Do we go overboard? Well, I'd have to emphatically say yes; but we have a rep to protect here! Over the last couple of Halloweens

here in Gridley, a town that takes holiday decor very, very seriously, we've expanded our decorating each year. It's worth it, to be the house that the kids all say "Wow!" over. Anna even had a boy tell her about this great house she HAD to see. . . her own.

And, this year, surgery is after Halloween, not before. Gee, I wonder when surgery will be next year? Kidding, kidding. Last year I wasn't able to really get out there and enjoy it the way I wanted to because I was recovering from the massive cancer surgery. Anna went trick or treating last year with a GIANT group from around the neighborhood. I guess our neighbor Brandy organized it, and Jamie was going along to chaperone, so she offered to take Anna along since I wasn't feeling well. That's Jamie for you - always asking if she can help me out. She is amazing!!

I'm hoping that a big group is going again, so that I can go along this time. I want to decorate my Labradollie with a pretty collar made from lightsticks and take her trick or treating. Doesn't that sound like a good idea? I think so. Good doggie socialization practice.

We have enough candy for the entire U.S. armed forces. The boys take care of monitoring the candy bowl on the porch, while playing statues in their all-black, faceless robes. As mentioned before, anyone too little or sporting wings is purposely not scared, or Lloyd or I give them their candy, but anyone from about middle-school age onward is fair game for the boys to scare the pants off of. Oh, but they have so much fun! The squeals and screams of teenage girls is just music to the ears! ;-)

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I am progressing slowly but surely toward being ready to leave for surgery. This is very difficult for me this time, and I don't know why it's so hard. I think I'm fully over my flu (Tamiflu ROCKS), just very tired still, and I think it's more of a mental block getting to me. I'm forcing myself to stop, relax, and slash the to-do list by at least 3/4. That's pretty darn radical for me, huh?

Radical and HARD for me to do...but I'm doing it. I will admit to massive anxiety attacks since last night though. The anxiety makes me just want to get it done faster so that it's done. I'm really torn trying to figure out what would get rid of the anxiety better-- getting everything DONE as fast as humanly possible so I can be DONE, or just doing a tiny bit at a time and knowing that I'll manage to be ready in time somehow. Urgh!! Lots of anxiety!! I want to just relax and enjoy Halloween, but I feel like I can't d

o that; I have to work, work, work until I've got every last thing ready to go.

I know that it will all work out and be done and be fine. Intellectually, I do know that. Doesn't help the anxiety any, but I know that.

I should get up and get to work on some of that stuff, shouldn't I? Yup, I should. And I will, but I do have a couple other things to do first.

One of those things is setting up a new blog. Not to replace this one--this one will continue to be the source of information about all of my medical fun and games. The new blog will be primarily to act like a billboard, giving information and requesting information on this insane Fremont cancer cluster that's developing. I think my list is

up to 19 people now, MY AGE, who have been hit with cancer in their 30s. This is completely insane, and totally unacceptable, so I'll be continuing to try and get information on as many people as I can, to pass along to the actual authorities on this stuff, the nice folks at the CDC. I am both fascinated and terrified to see what comes of this.

With that, I'm off, reluctantly, to be productive, so I can goof off to the extreme later!!

Random thoughts from flu-land

Ok, it finally happened. I have the flu. Everyone in the house has had some version of the flu, but my version is different than theirs. Unfortunately, it's very likely that I have the H1N1 strain instead of the seasonal strain, according to what I've read on the CDC websites, based on, among other things, the fact that I've actually had a seasonal flu shot some weeks ago . Grr.

At least the timing is good. I have to recover from this before surgery, or else! I have enough time now, and a little bit later I might not. Luckily, I also have THE best doctor in the entire world. When I saw Andy on Thursday, he gave me a prescription for Tamiflu, and by the time it got filled I very definitely needed it. Thank you Andy!!

I've never had Tamiflu before, so it should be interesting to see what it's like.

Meanwhile, cartoons are good, and "The Penguins of Madagascar" is the best cartoon on tv. It's actually almost as good as the Madagascar movies. If you're not familiar with it, it features the 4 penguins, of course, as well as the lemurs, King Julian, Maurice and Mort. None of the voices are the same as the movie, but they've got such good imitators, you'd never know. Can you tell I am quite impressed? My digital cable box gives me reminders of when to turn the channel for the next showing.

Also of note, "Mighty B" is a cartoon featuring Amy Poehler as this rather manic "Honeybee Scout" girl. It's hilarious. Once again, Nickelodeon rules the airwaves with GOOD kids content. The cartoons are actually smart AND funny. Can we tell I like cartoons?

Sitting in bed being sick also seems to get me a lap-cat from time to time. Lap-cats are even better than cartoons, but they tend to leap off your lap rather unpredictably.

So, we shall see how quickly this booger goes away. First thing in the morning and last thing at night are always the worst........At least it's good practice for my post-op confinement, right? RIIiiiight.

I'm sick. I'm kind of dippy. Whee!

Surgery Time...Again...

Now, who among you actually thought I'd get through this ordeal without more surgery? Anyone? Anyone?

Nope, I didn't think so.

My next round of cut-and-paste is scheduled for Thursday, November 5, at El Camino Hospital in Mountain View. It is planned to be a laparoscopic surgery, hopefully using the ultra neato-coolo daVinci robotic surgical system. I've had lots of surgery, but I've never had robot surgery before!!

The general idea is that surgery is at 7:30 am, will run for 2-1/2 to 3 hours, then probably that long in the recovery room. Based on that, I'd figure on being in my room no sooner than noon, but possibly sooner or later. Very hard to tell in advance, because recovery room time always varies AND this could turn into an open surgery at any point if the laparoscopic approach isn't

working.

The usual stay after a procedure like this is "a day or two." In my case, with all of my comorbidities, my slow recovery times, and a 4 hour drive home as soon as I leave, I'm pushing for the day or two to be Friday and Saturday with discharge no earlier than Sunday. I hate to say it, but I'd rather stay in longer and be farther along the recovery curve before I get sent home.

The surgery this time is to tidy up a bit after my last few surgeries. Some of my internal organs (well, the only ones I have left!) in the lower abdomen have kind of come loose and are bearing down on what's left of the vaginal canal, causing it to start to prolapse and invert. This is not any fun at all. My bladder and bowels are about all that's left in there and they're both kind of smooshed down right now.

The doctor is going to use a Gore-tex patch of some sort and attach it to a patch of fascia (connective tissue) on my lower spine in the sacral area. Then he'll stretch the top of the vaginal

canal up and make an attachment to the patch. The bowel and bladder will get attached somehow too so they can't try to escape anymore!

I can honestly say that I am REALLY looking forward

to this surgery!! Isn't that bizarre? Well, going to the bathroom has been utter hell for the longest time now because my urethra seems to be kinked like a bendy straw. I can't wait to be fixed!!

Luckily, this recovery should be far, far easier than the last one. Famous last words, lol.

I will again ask someone to step in as the CIO for a couple of days to update the blog right after surgery so thatall y'all know how I'm doing

Right now, everything is geared toward trying to get ready to go down for surgery while feeling pretty crummy at the same time. Everyone in the house has had some version of a cold or flu lately, even Lloyd, and he's usually impervious to viruses. I see to only half-catch it, which is way more annoying than having it all the way. All I know is that I'm going in for surgery no matter what, so if I'm going to get it, I'd better get it NOW so it can be gone by the time it's time.

Oh, let's see...I think that's about it! I have a zillion items on my to-do lists for before surgery, and I need to force myself to feel decent enough-- awake enough!-- to get them done, because I'll be really pissed off at myself if I don't.

I just hate going off to surgery, or even on vacation or something, knowing I'll be coming home to a messy house. I feel so much better while I'm in the hospital knowing that all my clothes are put away in the right places so I an find what I need with very little effort. My darling husband totally doesn't get it! Stuff like that, as well as packing for the little journey, forcing myself to not take the kitchen sink, will make a big difference in my mental state and therefore my physical condition as well. Stupid, but true. I'm just totally anal that way.

With that, I'll open up the floor to questions...

Hey!! At least I'll have something to write about again, huh?! Whoo hoo!!

A few thoughts on cars, high school reunions & color-coordinated duct tape

Note: This entry is the chronicle of my rather ill-fated trip down to the Bay Area to attend my class reunion. I'll be posting the info about my upcoming surgery in a separate post so that you don't have to dig through all of this to get to it!

-----------------------

Friday:

Have you ever had one of those times where you just KNOW you shouldn't go - wherever it is that you're supposed to be going- and you go anyway, and everything else that happens from the time you leave the house confirms your first instinct, that you shouldn't go?

I shouldn't have gone. But I did, and here I am, at the beginning of what is proving to be the most expensive trip from Gridley to Santa Clara in the history of the universe.

The drive down wasn't bad at all. I took just about forever to pack, and I think I brought the kitchen sink. After I finally got my shit in gear, got loaded up and got out, I headed out to Yuba City to pick up my favorite vintage 50s party dress at the dry cleaners and get my nails done. A quick trip to Target to wander the clothing department didn't yield a dress alternative for tonight, sadly, but I did find THE best pair of leather gloves in the history of leather gloves. Nice.

I think that during the time I was in Yuba City I almost turned around and went back home about 6 or 7 times. But I didn't. I went.

The drive down actually wasn't bad at all. Shockingly enough, I didn't even have to stop for a potty break! I ran into a bit of traffic just over the bridge, into Concord and Walnut Creek, thanks to two accidents, one on each side of the freeway, in the exact same place! How weird is that? Otherwise, it was smooth sailing in my direction, but looking at the other side of the freeway confirmed that there was no way in hell I could turn around and go home. Ever! Well, it looked like that.

I got to the hotel in great time. Unfortunately, 99.9% of the parking lot was closed off to have the stripes repainted. It would open in the next afternoon, but meanwhile, any parking was the garage behind the hotel.

I pulled up to the valet to get my pounds of stuff unloaded, and, fatefully, rolled down the passenger side window.

THAT was the end of the trip being easy.

Why? Because the god damned window wouldn't go back up.

Not with the switch on my door, not with the switch on the passenger door, not from being pulled up by a bellman, while the car engine was on, and not, eventually, by the nice AAA Road Service guy, an hour+ later, after I had to unload my car down to the registration and garage door opener and everything else in there, check in, get my shit hauled upstairs, call AAA the first time and get left on hold for 17 minutes, call them again and have them not put me on hold, go downstairs again and beg the valets to let it sit in front of the hotel and put into on of the only 12 valet spots they had, so that someone could make sure the car didn't disappear.

There's where it started to get expensive!

But…it's under watchful eyes of the great Hyatt bellmen who know about my window problem, and it's even very easy to see from my window up here on the seventh floor. That gives me some nice peace of mind.

The plan was to first to the smartest thing I can ever do - call Daddy. I asked him if he could come and help me put something over the window, which he could, and then I'd call the shop that the tow truck guy came from first thing on Monday morning to get the window fixed and rent a car to go to the doctor in the afternoon.

Then I came back up to my room, and after eating a little snack, discovered that the tub of fresh mozzarella balls marinated in oil that I had in my cooler had cracked, and my cooler was now an oil slick of seasoned oil.

Later, I barfed a few times.

Saturday:

Well, the next morning, Daddy came to the rescue to help me close up the window with plastic and duct tape. Daddy always comes to the rescue, thank the deity of your choice, and this time he came with duct tape to match my car. How cool is that?

Eventually, it was time to go to the reunion, the whole reason I was here. MY DRESS FIT!! Yes, I was very afraid that it wouldn't, thanks to my weird weight fluctuations! So, I had my favorite vintage party dress, and I felt comfortable, which makes "the" difference in how much I enjoy myself at an event.

Darcy came and I lent her shoes, since hers were way too big. Then I gave her surgical tape so she could tape herself into her dress. These are perfectly normal Darcy-related activities.

The reunion was very nice. It was great to see people and get a chance to catch up a bit. The evening just went by so quickly that is was a blur! There are some truly horribly embarrassing pictures of me out there, mainly because Darcy was doing something to make me embarrassed in all the pictures. Our reunion committee worked their little butts off making the night wonderful. I think, as a former event planner and Certified Meeting Professional, I can say that they did an exemplary job.

Thank you guys. You deserve a big round of applause.

The high point of the evening, for me, was when Pauline got there, because she actually CAME!!!!!!!! We did a lot of sitting and talking, while Darcy did a lot of walking and mingling. I am not so good at mingling. Darcy has no such problems. Unfortunately, the low point of the evening was when I came up to the room mid-party to barf up my nice vegetarian dinner. Minor details, right?

Sunday:

Well, unfortunately, today eventually brought more barfing.

Thankfully, I was able to enjoy a wonderful afternoon with Dawn though, which was another major high point of the trip.

I was supposed to go to dinner tonight with Daddy in Hayward, but right after Dawn left, the barfing started again, along with lots of other things. I was hot flash-y while she was here, and feeling kind of sick-ish, but I fought it off for a while.

I spent my evening laying very, very still and not eating. I actually didn't really eat all day long, which was probably for the best.

Monday…..Tuesday:

I didn't feel any better on Monday morning, but I got up at 6 am anyway, so that I could call the car repair shop, take the truck in, rent a car, and be functional in time to go see my surgeon.

I somehow managed to do every one of those things. The only hard part was not falling asleep in the time between getting the rental car and going to the doctor.

By the time I left the doctor's office, I was scheduled for surgery in November to correct the vaginal prolapse I've developed, which really makes me slightly miserable a lot of the time. I don't want to have more surgery, especially right at the holiday season again, but I have to do it. My next post will explain the details.

By the time I was done at the doctor, my car was ready to pick up. Sadly, it wasn't fixed, but they did manage to put the window up into the window frame in the UP position, so I could at least drive it home safely. Let me tell you, that was a very, very good thing…..

I spent the evening laying around some more feeling icky, but Dawn dropped by to visit again before she headed to work for a night shift and that was very nice.

By the time I got up to leave on Tuesday morning, the monsoon had arrived. Wind, rain, and absolute zero visibility along a very large part of the drive home became the norm. Some parts of Hwy 113 were flooded, and other parts had big pieces of tree blowing across the road. Whee.

Luckily, I got home safely, just very, very tired. If I'd had to make the drive without the window being fixed, it would have been a very different story, so let me give out a big reference for Fortes Auto Repair in Mountain View. 5 stars!!

I am still very, very tired. Today is was Thursday, and I don't even remember yesterday. I've been trying all morning to catch up on "housekeeping" tasks, like calling all my doctors to tell them about my upcoming surgery. I think, now, as soon as I put this entry up on the blog, it will officially be time for my nap.

Stay tuned in the next day or so for the detailed info on my upcoming surgery. I promise the full explanation, but right now, I've got to get some rest.

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Oops. I was so tired I forgot to post this earlier!!

Off to see the wizard....

Or something like that. Actually, I'm off to see the JFK Class of '89 20-year reunion, which has even less chance of providing me with a brain, a heart or courage.

Nothing about this trip is quite working out the way I originally planned it, which is leading to one of my classic little agoraphobia episodes. I don't wanna go! I'll be perfectly happy once I'm there, mind you, but I don't wanna do all the stuff it takes to get there. I want to lay down on the couch and hide with a puppy or three and a book and not move.

But, alas, I now have an appointment with my surgeon, Dr. Pisani, on Monday down in Mountain View, so I have to go no matter what. It'll be the first time I've seen him in forever, and now I need that nasty prolapse fixed as soon as possible. It's very likely that I'll be back down there having surgery in the not too distant future. Pooooooooo.

Right now, it's time to go get ready to run errands and get my hair done and eat something and then start sorting clothes and gathering toiletries and accessories and knitting and books and all my wardrobe options for the reunion and and and and and and and

I would like to be taking a nap instead.

Ok Mom...puppy pictures, as requested! Notice how the "puppy" is far larger than Sparky now! She's far taller than either Pea or Sparky now, and outweighs them too.

Peadog loves her hoodie. She's weird.

My biggest question is where the Border Collie

part of her got lost amongst all the Lab genes!!

She's my Labradollie. :-

Checking in...

Howdy world. I'm still out here, still alive, just kind of laying low. There hasn't been a lot to say about me lately. The one and only piece of medical news I have is that my thyroid is whacked out, and we're having to fiddle with the meds to try and get it to behave. All my other recent labs were actually pretty decent, for once.

Otherwise...just laying low. I've had some intense personal stuff to deal with, stuff which has been very upsetting, depressing, scary, frustrating, miserable and just plain sad.

So very, very sad.

Most surprisingly, it's made me realize how much I've come to rely on this blog as a way of working through my feelings, because in this circumstance, I can't use it. The stories, once again, are not mine to tell, and that is surprisingly hard for me to accept.

I have been sworn to secrecy, a manner of coping I strongly disagree with, but the decision is not mine to make either. All I could do was advise, share my experiences, beg, be angry, be sad, beg a tiny bit more, and finally remove myself from the entire situation. I just can't handle being in the middle of something which requires me to lie to everyone I know. That is a miserable place to dwell.

So, I'm still here...depressed & sad, literally sick to my stomach, just kind of hiding out, sleeping too much & eating too little.

I can not and will not lie to all of you, the people who've supported me so much over the last year, so this post is here to tell you all why I've disappeared - at least as much as I'm able. I'm

ok, for the most part, and happy to hear from folks via email, facebook, texts...I'll just be pretty quiet for a while.

Many thanks and big hugs to everyone who's been there for me for so long. I'm sorry to desert you, but hopefully it won't be for too long. I'll pull out my lab results from a couple weeks ago and share all the good news found in them, which is something I meant to do back when I first got them, stuff like that, so at least you'll know I'm alive. :-)

Happy Fall everyone!!