Making fun of others...that's always good clean fun!

If you are so inclined, follow in my footsteps and be rewarded by some true silliness.

Go visit http://www.printsngs.com/natgeo/search/?page=5&q=leopard&q=leopard

If the page is working right, Huzzah! View some beautiful photos of one of natures most graceful climbers and leapers.

If it's not, well....a trip through the gallery pages would have you admiring the many, divergent forms the leopard had been taking, until you reached perhaps MY favorite, in the top Left corner of page 5 where the partial caption warns us of a "snarling female leopard..."

OOOOOOOoooooohhhhh, this is the part where it really got funny, and I laughed so much that the puppies thought Mommy had finally lost it. (those few remaining bits left!)

Ahh, we all need a good giggle once in a while.
Someone at NatGeo needs to have a chat with their database folks. That's all I'm saying...

Summertime!

Yes, I am pleased to announce that summer has finally happened. Of course, in Gridley, summer arriving means an instant switch to 100°+ temps most days, but what the hell. Rumor has it we'll be switching back to rain again sometime next week, but that only makes perfect sense in this year's weather pattern, right?

Well, like the weather this year, I've been kind of confused lately... You know, the kind of confused where you lose track of all of the appointments you have in one week, taking kids to send them off to see their mother, going to chemo, getting a CT scan..... Yes, I did manage to entirely forget that I had a CT scan scheduled for this week.

I managed to remember in just barely enough time to have Lloyd pick up the contrast mix the afternoon before, but I didn't quite manage to put the news out to all of you folks out there that I was going in to have it done. Ooops.

It's a little late now, but yes, I had a scan on Thursday morning! The scan itself went perfectly well, nothing of any interest to report, as usual. Unfortunately, I don't see Dr. Mazj until July 6 to get the results. I'm definitely not expecting anything interesting - no surprises, nothing worrisome - but of course I will post the results as soon as I get them. I think I'll be less forgetful about that!!

That is actually also the only news I have to share, too. I'm recovering from the combination of chemo and barium (yick!), recovering my taste buds, thank god, getting back into yoga as best i can, and resting when my body tells me to rest.

That's what it's telling me to do right now....I'm exhausted. So, it's nap time. Many mea culpas on forgetting to tell you all about the scan!! You're all going to forgive me, right?!

I plead chemo-brain....

Happy Daddy's Day!!!

With luck, my own Daddy is probably still sleeping right now - as is my darling husband. What better way to celebrate Father's Day?! A good lie-in, as the Brits would say, followed by a good nap or three, maybe find a way for some BBQ and beer in there, and you've got a pretty damned good day, no?

Well, I think so. Oh, I almost forgot - hopefully someone is driving very fast cars in circles too. NOW Daddy's day will be complete!

I hope to get a chance to celebrate with Dad sometime soon. Today, alllllll the kids and I are going to load up into the car and go out to eat with my husband. Luckily, Father's Day falls before they have to leave for the East Coast this year so we can all do something together.

Also, I've got a couple of friends out there who are celebrating their very first Father's Day today - I hope it is incredibly special guys.

Maybe not a lot of words today, but a lot of sentiment behind the few words there are. At this point in my life, I do not know what I would do without my Daddy, I love it when he's able to come up to see me, whether we go out and find an adventure or just hang around the house -and I miss him terribly when he isn't free to come visit.

Happy Father's Day to my D.O.D.!! I miss you & I love you very much.

Pretty, pretty things!

Between the incredible flowers Auntie sent for my birthday, and my beautiful young lady - no longer a little girl - dressed up for her eighth grade graduation ceremony and dance, I have been surrounded by gorgeous things lately!

Getting her ready for all of the festivities surrounding graduation has kept me insanely busy the last week, and I apologize if I still haven't written a promised email (Mom, JKB, SDS) or responded to birthdays greetings. I swear, I'm working on it. I'm trying, at least, when I'm not falling asleep on my feet.

Thus, this blog entry will be ridiculously short. I don't have any medical news of huge import yet - tomorrow I should find out if I have enough white blood cells to get chemo this week as planned. I also have a CT scheduled this month, I believe on the 23rd. I'll post the reslts of both of those things as soon as I know 'em.

More info when I have it, I promise! And when I can keep my eyes open,,,,

Relay Day & So Much More!

Many of you know that my Relay for Life In The Rain And Wind And Mud is today, but I thought I'd fill you in on some other news while I try to wake up this early, ugly gray morning. Conner had to get up and out early for his SAT this morning, so I think some sort of sixth sense woke me up so I could fuss over him about sharpened pencils and granola bars.

And, today is our SIXTH wedding anniversary, as you can see by the gorgeous burst of spring flowers that arrived yesterday afternoon! As I told Lloyd then, sometimes it doesn't feel at all like we've been married for six years, that our wedding was that long ago...and sometimes, it just feels like forever, not in the bad way, but in the way that it feels like there was just never a time when we weren't together.

Technically, the traditional anniversary gifts for a sixth are iron (traditional) or wood (modern) but I'm pretty happy with flowers all the way around!!

In other news.... I got booted out of chemo this week again because

------>(after several hours of sitting there while Helen tried to get blood from my port - both to do my labs with & because they always test; no blood return equals no meds going into the actual vein - pushing about a dozen syringes of saline thru, making my heart rather fluttery & unsure of just what in hell to do with all of this fluid & thus making me very lightheaded and faint as I lay there waiting for the lab tech to come puncture me in the arm to draw my labs, and for the syringe of CathFlow enzyme to go thru my port, ostensibly clearing it out for the chemo to get in, which didn't actualy work, we found out when it had marinated long enough and she STILL couldn't pull any blood out of it; meanwhile the lab results came back, and after all of that, they discovered)----->

I have severe neutropenia again

------>(this being the shortage of white blood cells; specifically the WBCs known as neutrophils, the "baby" whites which I guess are most important of all)----->

with an overall WBC count of 2.1 (3.2-10.6 =N) & a neutrophil count of 0.3 (1.5-6.5 =N), which is kinda sorta REALLY low. Kopeks. <-------LOLOLOL.
(I left that in for humor. I *typed* "oopsie" and that's what I got. That might be my new swear word. Kopeks!! I wonder what the hell it means...)

ANYWAY......
My oncologist and long-suffering nurses, who could very likely be seen at today's event, would if asked, probably have expressly forbidden me from attending large, publicly germ-ridden events, rain and mud or no rain and mud, but it honestly didn't occur to me to ask. It apparently didn't occur to them to bring it up. Kopeks again! Well, hell, how can it be worse than a house full of rotating teenagers?

Well, I probably should be asking the assorted spare teens (not to mention my own!!) to santize and mask up if necessary, and I should probably be carrying a few masks today, lest a stray oncologist catches sight of me, bundled in my "fight like a girl" long-sleeve tee, appropriate event tee of the hour (I think I have three), "fight like a girl" hoodie, rainproof jacket of some sort and giant rainbow'd golf umbrella. Come to think of it, I should be easy to spot. I'll be the one waddling down the track like like a pregnant goose.

A wet goose.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Kopeks: 1/100 of a Ruble. I knew I'd heard that word somewhere.

Relay, & the Bestest Friends Ever!

For those who still might not know, I'm participating in the American Cancer Society Relay for Life this coming weekend up in Paradise, where my cancer center is located. I'm placing the same blog entry here, and on my personal Relay for Life page, IF the goddamned thing ever lets me. Please excuse the duplication, if there is one, but I wanted to make sure I reached everyone out there. (their little blog app isn't quite working, like several other parts of their site....::sigh::...)

Anyway: Wowee guys!!  You have *really* stepped up to the plate.  I am overwhelmed with the support I'm getting for Relay. Then again, I shouldn't be, because you guys are here for me all the time, no matter what I need.

I just want to thank you all very sincerely for your donations to my Relay. As a cancer patient, you so often feel helpless. Powerless. I've said it myself, that cancer steals your dignity. Show up at the hospital, drop your pants, and drop your dignity at the door.

Well, thankfully, that's not always true, and lord knows the fantastic staff at FRH try their best to make sure it isn't like that, but it sure feels that way a lot of the time. Relay changes that feeling. It gives me something I can DO to fight back against this b'strd of a disease, for myself ands many others.

And for me, this fight has never really been about myself. I've always felt more worried about the impact on my family and friends than myself. And I'm a bit of a worrier, in case we've never met.  ;-)

Well, this feeling of empowerment is new and different, let me tell you! There is finally something real and tangible I can do to help prevent other families, other people's friends from going through this hell.

And it's not one bit ironic that the ACS slogan talks about creating a world with "more birthdays" when I've been saying for a year and a half now that I will be one rare woman who actually likes to grow older each year. It's even LESS ironic that our Relay takes place four days before my 40th birthday. ;-)  

I hope I can help many more people reach those milestones. Relay is something so simple - just walking a few laps around a track - and it can do so much. That is the most powerful feeling I've had since learning I had cancer.

Thank you all, so, so much, for being part of my Relay, my battle with cancer, and more than anything, my life.  I love you all very, very much!!

And now, my Relay for Life appeal...

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It's time for my blatant appeal for donations:

I'm participating in Relay for Life, an event that helps the American Cancer Society make a meaningful difference in the fight against cancer. This is close to my heart & any donation you could make, no matter how small, would make a big difference in the fight.

Visit my personal Relay page at http://tinyurl.com/3odqz2g
Thank you!!!♥

**********************************
The American Cancer Society - 2011 Relay For Life of Paradise CA:
main.acsevents.org

The American Cancer Society Relay For Life is a life-changing event that gives everyone in communities across the globe a chance to celebrate the lives of people who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against the disease. At Relay, teams of people camp out at a local high school, park, or fairground and take turns walking or running around a track or path. Each team is asked to have a representative on the track at all times during the event. Relays are 24 hours in length; representing the reality that cancer never sleeps. By participating, you honor cancer survivors, pay tribute to the lives we've lost to the disease, and raise money to help fight cancer in your community.

Relay began in 1985 when Dr. Gordy Klatt, a colorectal surgeon in Tacoma, Washington, ran and walked around a track for 24 hours to raise money for the American Cancer Society. Since then, Relay has grown from a single man’s passion to fight cancer into the world’s largest movement to end the disease. For more information, visit our Relay For Life information page.  
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?sid=1030&type=fr_informational&pg=informational&fr_id=31732

Many A Grey Day in May

You really don't expect winter storm warnings and dropping snow levels in your nightly weather report midway through May!! One day, I'm outside on my patio swing, thinking it was too hot to stay out very long. The next, I'm drying dogs off with bath towels, because they got soaked just going out to go potty. This isn't our normal weather this time of year, let me tell you.

I know that isn't a good excuse for being absent so much lately, but I do count it as one of the reasons. I've had some trouble getting used to the new protocol, side effects and the whole hoopla.

On the plus side, I've also been working on all kinds of things around the house, things I used to love to do, like sewing, knitting, indoor gardening and even some cooking. The sewing has really been the most fun. So, not all of my absence is because I'm laying in bed, I promise - and if I •am• laying in bed, it's quite likely I'm laying there with my nose in a book and the rest of the universe on hold. I've been reading some stuff lately that has been so good that I resent other tasks, like the minutiae of daily living, that take me away from the book!

{One recent recommendation is "Lost on Planet China," by J. Maarten Troost. I'd read his first book, in which the author follows his then-girlfriend Sylvia to the very, very remote island atoll of Kiribati, where she works in international relations, and he attempts (with varying degrees of success) to write a novel and to pass himself off as Sylvia's husband. That book was funny, and informative. "Planet China" the book took my entire complement of acquired knowledge about planet China the country, turned it upside down and shook it almost violently, until it was good and mixed and didn't remotely resemble what I'd started with - and made me laugh hysterically along the way. I was almost surprised how I never wanted to put the book down, ever--and how hilarious it was throughout, even though it was more educational and fact-packed than some texts I've read! *Great* book!!! And this was his third book - I'm reading number two right now}

We got a lucky break in the weather when Daddy came up this past week, and it was bright, sunny and gorgeous, but not overly warm. In short, perfect. After an unplanned morning detour to take a young lady to the doctor for a UTI that he described by spreading his hands as far apart as they could go. I took that to mean it was a pretty mondo infection. So, got her some meds, and then the three of us went out to lunch at Casa Lupe. That was a nice, rare treat - going out with just me, Daddy and Anna. The two of them have a pretty strong mutual admiration society going, so it really was cool for the three of us.

After that, we tucked the munchkin under a blanket and a few dogs on the couch, and Daddy & I headed up to Chico to do a little exploring. The whole time I've lived up here, I've never managed to make it out to Bidwell Park, pretty much unanimously regarded as the gem of the entire area, and to the Sycamore Pool; regarded by me as the gem of Bidwell Park.

"Bidwell Park … was established July 10, 1905 through the donation by Annie Bidwell (widow of Chico's founder, John Bidwell) of approximately 2,500 acres of land to the City of Chico. Since that time, the City has purchased additional land, such as Cedar Grove in 1922, and 1,200 acres in upper Bidwell Park in 1995. Today, the total Park size is 3,670 acres, nearly 11 miles in length, making it the third largest municipal park in California and one of the 25 largest city parks in the United States.

Bidwell Park is "divided" by Manzanita Avenue. The area west of Manzanita Avenue is referred to as Lower Park and the area to the east is referred to as Middle and Upper Park. Middle Park extends from Manzanita to a point roughly equal to the upstream edge of the Chico Municipal Golf Course. Upper Park is located in the foothills of the Cascade Mountains. It has steep terrain and shallow soils… Lower Park is flat and level with a deep soil structure supporting a thick canopy of trees which provide ample shade for the visitor.… Sycamore Pool [is] located in the One Mile Recreation Area. The pool was constructed in the late 1920s and provides a unique swimming experience because its concrete decks, walls, and bottom are built to contain Big Chico Creek as it flows through the park. A dam and fish ladder at one end allow control of the creek's flow. The dam is raised and lifeguards are present from Memorial Day to Labor Day of each year. " - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bidwell_Park

Bidwell is, in short, gorgeous. I loved it, and I can only imagine if I were one of the countless Chico State students living with this as my backyard, well, I'd spend a lot of time out in the yard. We were lucky enough to be there before they put up the dam, so the water was no more than a couple feet deep at any given point. I puttered and waded a bit, and eventually, we got either brave or foolish and decided to attempt a crossing. Knee deep water and one HELL of a current made us wonder about our decision making skills once or twice, but we made it. Goodness knows I've spent more than my share of time hip-deep in streams, but those had topography, variation, something to grab your little toesies onto - this was a flat, algae and tiny bit of mud covered expanse of cement with no toeholds!!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Ok. I started writing this on May 15. One part of the problem is this beautiful fuzzlebug who plops into my lap every time I start typing. But this is really getting silly... Since starting this, I've had... my great visit with Daddy, destined to be my last for quite some time, which leaves me very, very depressed; my latest chemo visit, which would have been fairly unremarkable had Aimee not come to visit, talk about plans for Relay for Life (you can all go contribute to this very important American Cancer Society fundraiser on my personal page at http://tinyurl.com/3odqz2g) & drive me home and watch the TORNADOES touching down in my county and those neighboring (this was quite exciting-slash-terrifying, let me tell you!); the scheduling of my next CT scan for June 23 (urgh); and the very unexpected, very cool phone call out of the blue from an old friend I haven't heard from in the better part of a decade.

Needless to say, a lot has happened, and my blogging has lagged far behind! Ok, I admit it, I suck. So, I'm just going to cut things off here before this becomes an even longer-duration writing!! Whew!

Definition: Generation Gap

I have now, just now, like, just right now at some god-awful hour of the early am when neither my darling husband or I can sleep, learned what a generation gap actually is.

I just learned that Grace Kelly's family (yes, that Grace Kelly) paid her soon-to-be husband, Prince Ranier Grimaldi (yes, he is that kind of a prince) a $2 million DOWRY to take her hand in marriage, and I was HORRIFIED.

My darling husband actually already knew this fascinating little factoid and considered it totally unremarkable.

That, my dear friends, is a generation gap!!

And for those of you who have never before needed to know, a dowry, or "bride price," is a sum of cash, goods, textiles, land, livestock, or some combination thereof that is paid by the father/family of the bride to the groom/family of the groom in return for his marrying their daughter. This all goes back to the women as property/chattel concept, which is, of course, still in full effect in way too many parts of the world.

Grace Kelly.
How many men, then or now, would happily fork over $2M for the honor of marrying her, instead of it being the other way around? Hmm??? I think HRH Grimaldi was damned lucky that the Kellys were frigging gullible as all hell. Whoever told Princess Grace (and has any woman had a more fitting name?!) that she needed to pay someone to marry her deserves a spanking.

At least. Sheesh!

Still hanging in … barely

I'm becoming the worst blogger ever! I don't keep up very well lately, but I also haven't had a •lot• to talk about other than sickness and pain.

Having Auntie, Daddy and Josh come up was a fantastic break from he ordinary. Lloyd and the boys went south to see Pop, and my gang came north to see Anna and I. Just having them HERE was all I needed, even if it is boring for them. I was supposed to be reesting and building up those white cells, so I tried to do just that. Auntie helped a lot with that, making sure I took my naps and sat my ass on the couch more than not. We did, of course, make a trip to the brewery for lunch, which is always the highlight of the trip.

Meanwhile, the main thing I've been doing is being in a lot of pain or feeling sick, which are two topics I really don't like to write about much! They're just oh-so-not-cheery!

Monday, I see Andy, and get my labs done; Tuesday I see Roni and find out if my lab values entitle me to come for chemo on Wednesday, or if I have to get another series of booster shots and start the whole process over again.

Happy happy joy joy!


Otherwise, trying to get out of bed is a challenge most days, 'cause when my feet hit the ground, they suddenly don't seem interested in holding me up. I've been trying to yoga-out some of the worst kinks, but today, it's just as if someone is sticking bamboo skewers into my hip (worst) & various other random parts of my body. I just can't imagine that it's at all interesting to read about someone describing her various aches and pains.

Of course, it's even less interesting to have them! Well, perhaps that's incorrect - it can indeed be interesting, but it is by no means fun!! I'll be damned if I'm going to become one of those (prematurely-) old ladies who does nothing but whine about her aches and pains to anyone she can corner. See, all y'all have he ability to just *CLICK* your way to greener pastures if I get to morose and whiny,

The funny thing is, despite the humongous amount of pain that I'm in, I've also got spring fever something fierce. Lloyd and I have been talking all morning about putting in the front garden (as long as he de-toads it for me first) and putting up my patio swing. I'm just dying to be out in this gorgeous weather, and yet walking to the bathroom is excruciating. Maybe Sparky would like to go for a scooter walk …

So, that's about all. You really haven't missed a single thing! There just hasn't been anything happening. We did take some photos at the Brewery, so I'll have to hit the laptop downstairs and put those up. Otherwise..........pain, dogs, doctors, cats, chemo, naps.... Kinda sounds like fodder for a really bad country song, huh?!

Happy Bunny Day!

I'm so tired that I think it hurts to sleep, much less blog...

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Oops... I was so tired I forgot to even finish the blog post! I'm alive and borderline-well, if manic-insomniac (except between the hours of 4 and 8pm of course) and taking my expensive antibiotics like a good girl while I try to build up enough neutrophils to get chemo in a week and a half.

Note to self, and any interested relatives: Tell me to get labs done Monday or Tuesday.

I know I've been very absent, here, Facebook, and even a certain Scrabble game, but it just seems that I either have too much to do that I HAVE to do, or if I have free time that I plan to use catching up with friends, no matter what time of the day or night, THAT will be the moment I conk out. Like I did before I somehow published this mess of an entry!

So far, I've managed to fall asleep writing this particular entry at least four times by last count. I'm going to finally quit while I'm ahead. Auntie, Dad & Josh are here to keep me company while the guys are on their trip, so I'm happy as a clam!

Stupid shitty crappy defective blood

Sooooooooooooo, we did NOT have chemo today.

After all of the running about all morning, leading us up the mountain bit by bit, once we finally get there, I failed my damned blood test. Blood tests are usually easy. I've never failed one before, and certainly not so spectacularly.

Those nice little baby white blood cells that your bone marrow makes, which I guess are the really important ones — the normal sample range was between 1.5 and 6.5 (don't ask me 6.5 what, I have no idea) and MINE were 0.8 Oops. There was another count almost as low.

I've been sentenced to two weeks off chemo, a series of three shots of something, and we'll see what else when Dr. Mazj gets ahold of me.

I need a nap now.

Hippity Hop!

Hello, Spring? Is that you I saw peeking out from between the rainclouds? Maybe?

Oh, I sure as hell hope so. My little bunny rabbit isn't the only one who's getting cabin fever and itchy paws, pining for sunshine, warm grass, and hours reading in the patio swing. We've had some tiny pockets of nice weather here and there, and it really does bring on the Spring fever!

The doggies have enjoyed the few times I've been able to turn them out in the yard to run in circles or race full-tilt from one end of the lawn to the other and back (Stella), stretch out on the warm concrete and roll in the warm grass (Pea) and eat the warm grass (Sparky). Sparky is a little confused sometimes.

With Easter literally just around the corner now, I can only hope the weather decides to get on board for us. Easter week is extra-super-duper special now, and I want nice weather!!

See, Lloyd is taking the boys on a guy road trip down to see Pop, Kenny and DeDe in Shell Beach, leaving me and Anna to man the fort. They want to have good weather for some hiking/walking around the lighthouse where Ken is a volunteer, kayaking, stuff lke that. They've got all kinds of neat stuff to go do down there, and I was actually getting jealous.

{Stop! Wait! Insert great auto-correct here: It's not as if ima crisply capable}

What I was trying to say was that it's not as if I'm actually capable, not crisply, actually capable of doing things like kayaking and climbing lighthouses, but still - road trip, OCEAN, you know.

And then, the cavalry came riding to the rescue. Er, well, the cavalry *told* me they'd be riding to the rescue. Same thing.
SO, while the boys head south to go play, Auntie and Josh and Daddy are heading north to come play with me and Anna! I absolutely could not be happier!! Instead of us rattling around here on our own, now it's a party! Now I need some nice weather up here too, since Josh has only been up once, in the dead of ugly, ugly winter, and I'd love to show him how pretty it really is up here when you can go outdoors and play.

AND, yes, everyone involved feels better now that there will be qualified adults babysitting ME while Lloyd is gone. I couldn't ask for a better helper than Anna, ever, but it is still a relief that we don't have to handle every last single thing on our own, and these are the three most qualified adult babysitters possible. I can go take a long nap knowing that she's not alone - that takes the world off my chest!

Well, I simply have the best cavalry in the cavalry business.

Chemo today, sigh, but a short one. How short, I couldn't tell you. This is still my first cycle with these new drugs. There's one long day and one short, but I'm not certain on the timing for either. Today is a busy day - before chemo, I get my teeth installed!!! Isn't that exciting?!! I never in my life dreamed I'd be so thrilled about dentures at 40, but considering the very painful alternatives I've been living with since the chemo started leaching my calcium and eating my enamel.....well, it's been a hard road of soft food. We all want to go over to the Sierra Nevada Brewery for a lunch or dinner while everyone's here, so I'm hoping that my very tender and sore mouth and gums have healed and adapted to their new appliances in time that I can order something maye a little more interesting than most of my recent choices. We shall see.

Off to get ready, and to count the days till the party starts!!

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HIPPO BIRDIE TO DADDY!!!

. . . Dear Daddy!!!!



C'mon, he's a pretty special Daddy, you gotta admit. He deserves the best birthday in the entire world, spaceships and zebras, miracles and whatever else Daddies wish for on their birthday. I'll do what I can.

Love you Daddy! I can't wait to see you!

The morning bedscape...

It's kinds hard to see, but, clockwise from the top left/middle, we have a 65# Stella puppy wrapped in her blankie, because she was cold; a sweet spotty Sparky; the ears of a Pooter-fuzzle; me under Pooter; the Peadog; and an implication of a husband, under the blankets.

And people wonder why we think "king" is far too small a size for a bed! It's...cozy...

Well, day 2 post-transfusion and you know what Cin? You're right... I think I kinda feel better! I had a hellacious bug beforehand, along with the usual chemo, cancer & fibro aches, and the truth is, while I'm not dancing, I feel somewhat decent. That's a big deal for me! I'd ask Dr. Mazj to set me up with one of these more often, buy I suspect they are not cheap, and I suspect Medi-Cal would not like that much.

Speaking of my fantastic doctor, I was really kind of shocked last week to find out it was his birthday...his 40th birthday!!!!!!!

He's the same age as me! That just feels so weird. I hope he made very good use of all that time *I* spent in nightclubs, concerts and following bands around, because I sure didnt! If that makes sense.

Anyway, new blood, even that small amount of it, seems to have done me some good.

Now, if only something could do some of those fucked-up, idiotic, dimwitted, moronic, self-absorbed, pompous, clueless, asswipes in all three or four or twelve parties in Washington HALF as much good, so they would quit using the very real lives of the people who elected them as bargaining chips in some sort of ideological/idiotic war and get off their fat, over-paid asses and do the jobs they were hired to do - BY WORKING TOGETHER.

Some of us live on Social Security, assholes.

Sorry. It needed to be said.

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CRAP!!! Pt I. Apologies all around; & Pt. II. Bloooooooooood!

OOOOOOK, I really stepped in it this time.

When I got my CT results, I was in a hurry, and very hurriedly emailed them to the folks closest to me - you know, Mom, Dad, etc., - and somehow in my fucked-up (yet amazingly tumor-free!) brain I thought I had also posted them to the blog.

It took me until right now to figure out that I hadn't.

Oh, I am SO sorry!!!! I know that I have a huge group of incredible, supportive people out there who go to this blog for all the update - as it should be - and I really screwed up. I've been skipping along, la-di-da, thinking I had informed everyone, right on schedule, and by NO means do I want to imply that anyone is less important than anyone else. I just screwed up, and I feel horrible about it!

SO....

What has happened is what I described as scenario C on my blog entry below.  The topotecan chemo drug apparently did shit to the tumor nodules, and the little fuckers decided to grow some. I guess they liked it & thought it was yummy.

The largest nodule is still ridiculously small, as far as I'm concerned. But, it's 18mm, and it's neighbor is 14mm.

It's not little enough for Dr. Mazj.  He is very unhappy with the little shits.  He's changed my chemo treatment again, which means that I am on two drugs again - Cisplatin, which was my very first chemo drug, way back when; and something new called Gemzar.  I will have chemo two weeks on and 1 week off, starting next Monday. It was s'posed to start yesterday, but I am really god-awful sick with some horror show virus that brings the biggest, full-mouth cold sores you have ever seen.

The sessions with Cisplatin are going to be very long, all day affairs, but in some, where I get Gemzar alone, it will be a pretty short. I'm a little confused as to which is which, but I'm sure I'll figure it out along the way.

And I think in some sessions I get both.  And apparently, the day after each chemo session, I will be getting some Neulasta (white cell booster) and a red cell booster in the form of either Procrit or Ferrlecit. I still have some questions about that.

Dr. Mazj also wants me to consider some clinical trials. Having been a trial patient in the past, i know what kind of chaos it is.  But, I will give them full consideration like I said I would.  At least I know what to look for in the trial paperwork.

I'm keeping one thing very much in mind:  This news could have been much, much, much worse.  It's not great, but it could have been MUCH worse.

SO!! All of that being said.... As I mentioned, I'm sick. I've got the virus with the cold sores, and a few slight on and off fevers. I've got something nasty in my chest which involves multicolored goop, for which I've been ordered on to antibiotics. AND, apparently one or two types of blood counts are low, and Dr. Mazj is NOT pleased, so for once, instead of just taking my blood, they're actually going to give me some.

I went up today for a quick draw so they could do the type and cross required for a transfusion, I'm all labeled now, and I'm to be there at the hospital tomorrow at 9 am for a five-hour transfusion. Doesn't that sound like fun? Whee! I guess I'll get in some good reading or napping time!

And speaking of napping, I am very late getting started on THAT today too, so off I go. I think I've caught up here, and I am truly sorry for the omission. My body says it's time to rest now....
xoxoxo

Wellllll, here we go again...

Ahhhh, the very early am before the latest CT result appointment.

A couple of hours ago, I really would have told you I wasn't terribly concerned - and I wasn't. I still don't *feel* concerned, worried, whatever, but it's 3:30 am, my first attempt at sleeping was a complete waste of time, and here I am. I really am interested in the results of this one in a *very-almost" clinical way.

Up through my previous test, I'd been receiving a drug called Taxol. Each scan showed very slight growth on the nodules, but nothing "medically significant," in their parlance. Well, that either meant the drug was keeping the nodes from growing more than a teeny bit, or it meant it was doing absolutely nothing at all, and the nodules would have grown that much anyway.

So, right after the last scan, we switched to a new drug, Topotecan. I've been on that once a week; three weeks on, one week off, since the beginning (some typo I just made converted "beginning" into "stinking.". This entertains me to no end!!!) {sorry -} of the calendar year, and this will be the first test to see if it's actually done anything.

As I see it, there are basically three possible outcome/inference sets to this test.
A) a marked, "medically significant" reduction in the size or number of nodules in the lung, which would lead us to infer that the Topotecan is working quite well.
B) a small, not "medically significant" growth in either the size and/or number of the nodules, which would leave us once again unsure if the drug was working, in keeping the growth minimal; or not working at all, letting the cancer move at it's own snail-y pace.
Or
C) a marked, very significant (medically or otherwise!) growth in size or number of the nodules in the lungs, or worse (yes, there *is* a "worse!"), spread of the cancer to any other part of my body. That is the worst result I can imagine.

Yes, that is the worst possible outcome, which was why I was so terrified of the brain scan.

SO, it is now time for me to go get showered and lovely for my drive up the mountain. It's starting to be my favorite time of year to make the drive - the hills are all lush green, and the wildflowers are starting to pop out everywhere, like brushstrokes of color splashed on the dark green backdrop. If I can ever remember to hunt for a good stopping and parking place near where I can see anything - and if I can FIND such a thing, I will try my damnedest to get some good pictures this year. It is better in person though, hint, hint....so you should come visit to see for yourself. 8•)

Off to get ready - appointment at 11:15, and I promise to text, tweet, blog and Facebook my test results as soon as I get 'em. Gotta love having WiF at the cancer center!!

Water, water, water...

This is the flood plain for the Sacramento River near Andy's office.
We normally come from that direction, but large parts of the road we take are rather underwater at the moment. We had to come the long way today...but of course we had to go look at the flood!

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Braaaaaaaiiiiiins!

Zombies around the world, rejoice!

My brain has been certified clean and tumor free! Yes, I'm as shocked as some of you are.

As I'd posted before, I wasn't supposed to get to know that yet - but, a fantastic chemo nurse happened to notice that the results were in my file, and since they were positive-happy/negative-nothing in there, she called the doctor at his conference to get permission to share them with me in his absence.

She assured me that the rest of the test results (the chest/abdomen/pelvis scan) were not in the file, and most likely would take at least a couple more days. I can deal with that.

I don't actually have another single thing to share right now, but I really don't care. I'm thrilled to have those test results already - and not be waiting until the 31st to find out - and otherwise, I'm just trying to get through the post-chemo ickies. I feel pretty icky. I woke up on my own about an hour early from my nap, and I strongly wish I hadn't. The headache is *bad* and the body aches are absolutely *vicious* AND a certain kitty cat thinks I'm a jungle gym to be walked all over.

Time for some more resting. BOOO for pain, but YAY for a tumor-free brain!

No news is no news

Look, Easter egg condoms!!

Dr. Mazj is out- yesterday & today. Thus, there will be no learning of CT results today, or probably any time.before my appt on the 31st. Ah, well.

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