Happy Wet Halloween!

Ah, it's that wonderful day of the year... Halloween is traditionally a big deal around here. We've got all the components--major spooky yard decor, a crabby black cat, a skull on the bannister and two great pumpkins. (And don't forget Steve, our little batty "outside pet.")

Unfortunately, we also still have Martian Death Flu, and rain. Lloyd relapsed, so he's back to being totally miserable after seeming to have been well for a couple of days. I still haven't manifested symptoms like his--I'm not coughing, my throat isn't swollen, no lost voice--but I've got head congestion, it really hurts when I breathe in, and every muscle in my body aches in so many ways I can't describe it.

And it's wet and icky outside, so we can't do the rest of our mondo yard decor we like to do--even if we WERE well enough to do it!

(Anna's pumpkin)

Talk about a major bummer! Trick-or-treating will continue as usual though, and here's a HUGE shout-out of thanks to our awesome friend Jamie for offering to take Anna out with a group from the neighborhood so that we can stay inside and rest.

I've been saying for a while, we really did hit the jackpot on neighbors on this court! I'm sure Anna will have a great time going out with the group--it's always more fun that way.

(<----- Trevor's "Adorkable" pumpkin)

This year, Anna is a goth vampire from the 1850s. Trevor and Conner are their usual faceless specter-reaper-things. I'm going as a cancer patient in flannel sock monkey pajamas. I bet I'll be the only one on the block.

Hope everyone else out there is having a great Halloween! Back to laying still for now.

The CatBox saga continues...

Just out of curiosity, I left another, similarly sized Box in the bedroom. Sure enough, not 10 minutes went by before it snagged its first cat.

At this point, I have to start wondering if Barnes & Noble rubs their boxes with catnip or something.

Otherwise, there is very little to report. My darling husband has managed to come down with the Martian Death Flu, losing his voice and coughing up a lung or two yesterday. He feels better today, even though he still can't talk, but MAN, was he sick yesterday.

While he was in bed, I took over "life" around the house, and I'm paying for it dearly today. Along with my normal post-op issues, exhaustion and aches and pains from being up so much yesterday, I think *I* am getting the Martian Death Flu now too, so I'm hiding in the bedroom today.

My immune system is already a mess, so I think sitting in bed gobbling vitamin C is probably my best option! I want to enjoy this little "honeymoon" period I've got now, where I'm feeling well enough to kind-of function, before it's time to start radiation, because I'm going to feel like hell after that. Urgh. It's going to be a long six months. It has been a really, really damned long 4 1/2 weeks.

It's a good news/bad news kinda day...

I'm four weeks out of surgery now, and had my first big follow-up visit with my oncologist/surgeon down in the Bay Area today. There's good news, and some not-so-good news.

The good news is that *in general* I'm healing well, my incisions look great, my bladder function is almost back to normal, and I've been deemed strong enough to drive and do very gentle exercise, while still being on lots of rest.

The nasty infection I had in the vaginal cuff (basically the top of the canal where they folded it over and sewed it together after taking part of it out) seems to be resolved. I do not have any fistulas, which I was worried about. All the pathology came back clean and negative, including the pathology on two nodules of ovarian follicular cystic tissue that was growing into my sigmoid colon area! (no wonder I always hurt somewhere, huh?) I love it when doctors give me my own copies of the path reports.

However, the infection that I had at that evil vaginal cuff has led to what's called a dehiscence, or splitting open, of the top of the cuff. Basically, there's a hole leading into my insides, which isn't good! The doctor was able to see my intestines and bladder through the hole, but thank the gods, they are not prolapsing and attempting to escape at all. This is going to delay my "complete" recovery by a number of weeks, and will continue to cause me pain, which explains a lot. I'm to go see my gynocologist up here in Chico in 2 weeks to see that it's on the path to closing itself up, and then back to Dr. Pisani down in Mtn View just before Thanksgiving. In theory, it should be closed by then. In theory...

Once this nasty hole has healed, I will be having radiation treatments. Dr. Pisani is talking to the radiation oncology department up here at Feather River Hospital in Paradise, and it looks like I will get treated either there or in Chico or Davis. He plans to have me undergo both external pelvic radiation and brachytherapy, where very high-dose radioactive "seeds" or "rings" are placed internally, very close to the site. It allows a very high dose without subjecting the surrounding tissue to radiation damage.

The reason for the radiation is that one portion of the cancerous tissue that was removed was less than 1 cm from the "sidewall," for lack of a better term, with "extensive invasion" according to the path report, and that is closer than the doctor is comfortable with. The dissection was able to show how far it was progressing horizontally and vertically, but NOT in all the possible diagonal directions, if that makes sense.

Without radiation therapy, I have at least a 15% chance of a recurrance of the cancer. The way I understood things today, if I have the radiation, that risk goes down to <5%. I'll take a 10% improvement any day. My Medi-Cal program covers this kind of thing, so if it gives me even a 1% better chance, I will do it, no matter what it is. If I was much older, maybe my decision would be different, but at 37, I'll take the gamble on the better odds, despite the side effects.

And there WILL be side effects from the radiation-- I am not entirely sure what they will all be yet, but I know that general weakness, weight loss, nausea, fatigue and possible radiation burns are among the many fun options. I'll let all y'all know more on that when I know. Dr. Pisani assures me I won't lose my hair from this one.

I am very, very, very, very tired, achy and crampy after today's exam and massive time in the car, but I can do lots of resting for the rest of the week.

I THINK that is the update...I might be forgetting something, but if I did, I'll post it whenever I remember.

Now it's time for a little reading before I zonk out...G'night!

Aloha, and, Catbox Part III

Yesterday's fun at Jen's first birthday Luau was a blast. Admittedly, I wasn't there the whole time, but we went over for a little while at the beginning and I managed to eat FOUR crab & cream cheese wontons. Then, after a nice bath and resting, I saw that it was present opening time, so I headed back next door to watch the gifts being opened. That's always my favorite part.

The birthday girl, predictably, was far more entranced with the giant, billowing piles of colored tissue paper all over the lawn.
A belated full-Hippo-Birdie salute to Jen!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I finally caught a picture of the elusive Princess Emma Miss KittyBoo in The Box. She didn't like having her photo taken, but at least I caught one before she left the box. With her, you almost need a blind and a telephoto.

The only other significant news to report today is that, if all goes as planned, I am going to make a tentative return to the real world today. What that means, in English, is that while I am not dismantling my little world up here by the bed yet (I'm not feeling THAT confident yet, by any means) but I'm going to attempt to spend the rest of the day downstairs, where real people are.

Tomorrow, we have to head down to Mt. View (ON ANOTHER MONDAY!!! aka no Mexican food in Hayward day) to see the oncologist and see how I'm really doing. I'm very hopeful that he'll tell me everything is great and I don't need to worry about any future treatment other than getting re-checks.

I'm less hopeful that I will want to do anything other than sleep for 2 days after making the trek. We shall see. I slept about an hour and a half later today than I normally do--usually, the pain wakes me up around 7:30 or 8--and today I was zonked until well after 9, and all I did yesterday was sit in a chair and eat wontons, so I never know from one minute to the next. My next activity for the day shall be showering, and hoping that doesn't take all the energy I've got. It might. You never know.

Throw another bat on the grille, Part II

Steve is still with us... At the end of our errands today, we went to the car wash, so I grabbed another photo of Steve beforehand, just in case the car wash damaged him. Luckily, it didn't, and he's actually nice and shiny clean now. My silly husband never did clean him off the car, so we're calling him a mascot these days. He's very seasonally appropriate right now.

Hmm, maybe I could charge neighborhood kids a quarter to see a real bat on Halloween...

Otherwise, our expedition went well, and I am now so exhausted I don't even know what to say. Nails, lunch, Walmart, and then sitting in the car outside Petco and the car wash. That's all the energy I have left for today.

Earlier I was craving my spanish rice recipe and thought about getting ambitious, but it's going to have to wait for tomorrow. I can sit at my stool at the counter to chop the veggies, but even that is too ambitious for tonight. Actually, probably Sunday, depending on how much we gorge ourselves on homemade traditional Hawaiian food next door tomorrow for baby's first birthday luau. Mmmmm.........

Meanwhile, I'll lay on my bed and rest with...this...

A Field Trip!

Yup, today shall be a major expedition. Lloyd is going to drop me off to get my nails done while he gets some things at Lowes, and then we're going on a field trip to Walmart. Ooh, ahh... I know, very exciting. It's impressive for me, anyway.

The very expensive antibiotics seem to be doing their job, and the infection seems to be on the run, and I'm feeling well enough that I think I can leave the house for a couple hours safely. I'm even feeling well enough that I'm considering (again) moving to the downstairs for the majority of my days AND starting to really want to get back to yoga-ing on a regular basis. These are good developments. We'll see how enthused I still am when I get back from my expedition.

In other good news, aside from a bit of a lump, the Gardasil shot has thus far resulted in zero side effects. I have to admit, I'm actually shocked, considering the reactions that kid has to other things, like bug bites, but I'm thrilled at the same time. Hopefully her next two (Dec and April) will be similarly uneventful.

Off to prepare for my excursion. Wish me luck.

Better. Better is good.

Better is definitely good. I'm still not feeling as well as I was before the evil infection came along, but I'm on the way back. I have been taking my baths and working very actively on healing. I know that "working very actively on healing" may sound totally bizarre to some, but there is a method to the madness. It involves VERY light stretching (all I have to do is sit on the floor and spread out my legs and it stretches parts of me that aren't getting used), meditation and guided visualizations. (Thank you Megan!)

I was really down yesterday for a while, and I knew I had to pull out of the funk somehow AND I had what felt like a sudden, acute, severe fibro attack in my upper body in the evening. Not a good day. Drastic steps were needed... So, instead of going to Roseville with the rest of the gang, I did what was good for me and stayed home, rearranged my bed-world to put me in better positions, did my visualizations, slept, and soaked in the tub like a good girl.

While I had really wanted to go along for the Gardasil shot, it turned out to be ok that I didn't. She said it didn't even really hurt when she got the shot, and as of last night, she had no swelling whatsoever. I'm crossing my fingers and toes for no major side effects. Of course, we still haven't told her what they are yet, and I don't plan to. Evil stepmother.

Today's plan is more of the same. I'm trying to eat (still a major hurdle, I'm down a bit more weight now), trying to remember to take my iron pills, and working on trying to heal. I think the first order of business is going to be a little stretch, a bath, clean jammies, and some knitting and tv, assuming I can get my darling husband to sit down for a while and watch some tv with me. We have something like 20 hours of recorded new fall shows to catch up on! And Grey's Anatomy is on again tonight! Yikes!

Oh, and we're off to see the oncologist on Monday. MONDAY, again. BOOOOOO! My Hayward restaurant is not open on Mondays anymore, so this will be yet another Bay Area trip without Mexican food. I am totally depressed. I'll have to think of something else Bay Area-ish to try and crave. (Any suggestions?!) But I'm still allowed to pout, damnit.

"There is no try, only do"

No offense Yoda, but.... bullshit. There is a lot of try.

Yes, today's word boys and girls is "Try." As in, I am going to TRY and feel well enough, even if I don't feel well enough, to accompany the rest of the family all the way out to Roseville to Kaiser, where everybody gets flu shots (except me, I got mine) and the little one gets her first Gardasil vaccine.

That's the big deal, you see. Both the official literature and anecdotal evidence say that that these boogers HURT. A lot. Her friend had an entire shoulder swell up, and I've been told of lots of girls who get a number of the side effects afterwards. So, I fully expect it to hurt her like hell, and I fully expect her to come down with at least half, if not all of the side effects. (however, I am not telling her what all of them are, or she will manifest ALL of them within an hour of getting the shot, trust me) I would like to be there for her first one, as both moral support and object lesson all in one.

We've discussed being strong, and that even if it hurts, it's not something to cry about, it's something to be proud of, because she won't have to go through what I have this last few months. And I threatened that if she didn't promise to be strong, I'd show her my incisions. Didn't work--little Miss CSI-wannabe/frogcatcher isn't squeamish and the incision doesn't scare her. I think I'm about 2 years too late on that one. (But proud of her)

So, we shall see. I'm giving myself until around noon to decide, because that's about when I'd have to start the long process of getting up and showered and dressed for the odyssey. I'm still in a lot of pain from my previous adventures, and I'm having my own fun flu shot side effects.

But I will try. Try, try, try.
Missing things, and making them feel the effects of me having cancer are the hardest parts of all of this. There are so many things I can't do, and sometimes that means that "they" can't do them either and I have to disappoint them, and that part sucks. Big time.

A little better

Today, we are cautiously optimistic. The great news of the day is that all indications are NO fistula. Trust me, that's a major biggie. Fistula would mean more surgery of some sort or another.

Otherwise, I'm very, very, very tired, and in a pretty good amount of pain, but I expected all of that. I did more walking yesterday than I'd done since surgery, by a few miles or so, and the exam and cleaning at the doctor's left me pretty well miserable. I took my first bath, and got very bored. I am not good at sitting still and doing nothing, and a ridiculously silly fuzzy cat keeps a l m o s t jumping in with me. Last night, he balanced himself on his stomach on the side of the tub, dipping his paws in the water and then licking the water off of them.

And remember how I said that my new fuzzy Eeyore was about the same color as my fuzzy cat? Here's proof:

Sometimes it is hard to tell where one ends and the other begins, especially in low light.

I think that's about it for now. I'm going to rest and try and catch up on some email backlog. Or sleep. Sleep is definitely an option...

Just a slight complication

Ok, so we went to the doctor late this afternoon....

3:15-ish, they called, we jumped in the car.

Dr. cleared out all kinds of GUNK with many swabs that hurt quite a lot, and decided that I probably have an infection in the vaginal cuff. Not good. He thinks I also had a seratoma (seroma? it's not in my medical dictionary) which is a pocket of fluid that gets trapped in between tissue & things when they're doing surgery. He believes that when some of the internal stitches were dissolving, that serotoma burst, leading to all the icky discharge and fluid gushes I had, flushing the ball of suture material out. Ick. Apparently, those need to be drained if they form because they can breed germs and yuck.

After being thoroughly inspected and cleaned out a bit, with NO small amount of pain, Dr. Davis gave me:
--very strong, very expensive antibiotics
--prescription iron therapy, because I'm so low it's scary
--pain meds
--a new form of estrogen therapy, a funky spray
--& a single pyridium tablet, so that tomorrow, I can take it, and test to see if I have a potential fistula between the vaginal canal and bladder or urethra. (this would not be a good thing)

I am also to soak in a hot bath twice a day, take a bunch of vitamin C every day, and make an appointment with the oncologist for sometime next week if possible.

I *think* that's it...but I'm very tired, and very achy and hurt in a number of places. But, Dr. is great, and certainly seems to be covering all the bases!

We made a stop at Target for very important underwear related purchases (aren't y'all glad you get to hear about such details of my life?), got meds and such at Costco, and had dinner at Marie Callenders. Ahh....comfort food in an actual restaurant!!! (and sugar-free apple pie!) Now I'm trying to come down from it all--the most activity I've had in a helluva long time--and get myself ready to sleep.

Oh, and I got a flu shot at Costco.

And a special note to all of those of you who have sent me wonderful, long, newsy emails about cool things, elections in foreign countries, trips, love lives, birds, dogs, triathlons and greenhouses (you know who you are), I promise I will write all of you back properly in the immediate future. I just haven't felt very good the last few days, as you can kind of imagine. I'm sure I'll be flat out in bed tomorrow after today's adventures, so I should have plenty of emailing time.... Love you all.

Fun, fun, fun

The fun continues, and shall continue with a doctor's visit sometime in my immediate future. Luckily, the oncologist has said I can go see the GYN up here in Chico, so we're just waiting for him to get out of surgery so he can tell us when he wants me to be there for an exam. Last night's fun involved the expelling of a large mass of suture material, with other ickiness, and no one's been able to tell me yet if that's entirely normal, hence the need for an exam to make sure there is no infection, granulation or anything else funky going on. Well, I know there's something funky going on, I'm just not sure if it's normal-funky or not-normal-funky. Stay tuned.

I don't feel good today.

I'm not entirely sure why, but I'm sure it has something to do with the nasty discharge I'm having. It's probably some sort of granuloma and that's not entirely unexpected. (Those are basically little granular-ish growths on a healing sore, in this case, my internal incision/stitch areas, which mean it's not healing properly and sheds weird looking material)

I'm also having pain today. Pelvic pain, vaginal pain and leg pain. Needless to say, this is unpleasant.

I'll be calling the doctors tomorrow to ask some questions on all the nasty rainbow colored discharge and other fun symptoms I'm having. My next scheduled check isn't until November 5, I think, but this may merit an earlier expedition, maybe to the Bay Area, but hopefully just up to Chico.

And I have a headache, and my ears hurt, I keep getting dizzy and I'm bored but my head hurts too much to do anything about being bored except lay here and stare at the blurry tv because I'm not wearing my glasses because wearing them actually makes my head hurt a bit more.

Sometimes the updates just aren't very much fun, are they?

Oh, but there is one good thing: It's Grandma's birthday. Happy Birthday Grandma! I love you!

Blogger's Block

I'm having trouble coming up with new and creative ways to say that there's absolutely nothing to report. Because there really isn't anything! I always knew I'd never be very good at the whole blogging thing, because I really don't have anything all that interesting to say, on a normal basis, and now that the big cancer surgery is over, I think I'm out of material.

Let's see...I have a headache. I have a new friend with me in bed, a big squooshy Eeyore, thanks to Lyn & Rico and Disneyland. He's the exact same color as my big squooshy cat, which can be confusing at times, trust me.

The pain is better every day, but I'm still very, very tired. I'm getting some Christmas knitting done, and finally reading like a fiend again. I'm even doing some writing, working on my kids' story that might get finished someday if I'm lucky. I'm somewhere upwards of 28,000 words now and nowhere near the end...

I'm definitely healing, and feeling better each day, but I've learned what it feels like when I push it.

I didn't MEAN to push it, honest! But Lloyd went out for a nice long motorcycle ride, which he needed, since taking care of me, the kids and the entire house by himself is a huge pain in the ass, so OF COURSE that's the day that the little one got sick at school.

I mean, what other day would it have been? It had to be the day her father was a couple hundred miles away on the bike, so that I could see what it was like to drive for the first time. I mean, I could have called on neighbors, pulling them out of work, to go the 8 or so blocks to the school, but that seemed a bit extreme. A week or so earlier, I would have had to ask someone, but I figured I could handle it, as long as I took Lloyd's car (his is an automatic) and was careful, and I did. I think the secretary at the school almost fainted when she saw me walk in, but I was careful, and it went ok, since it was such a short drive. Retrieved the child, came home, went back to bed.

And yes, I suffered for it. I'm not sure which caused the most discomfort though--the little bit of driving, or the fact that I managed to get nauseous later that afternoon and threw up, which my stomach muscles didn't like at all. So, that was Thursday, and I've been recovering ever since.

That's really been about it. Today is Saturday, which means we'll have a movie night downstairs together (Indiana Jones time!) so I'll spend some time somewhere other than the bedroom. I'm even thinking I *might* be feeling up to a "most of the time" move back to the world of downstairs next week, if things keep going well. I'm really hoping to be able to sit up in a chair long enough to do some spinning soon, since my dear mother sent me about a thousand pounds (ok, maybe not a thousand) of gorgeous wool to spin, and I haven't been able to do a single strand of it yet! That, and I need to spin another bobbin of yak to finish someone's Christmas present...but we'll see. Sitting in chairs, I've learned, takes a whole group of muscles that are not terribly happy with me just yet.

We'll see.

Yawn...

I think I've reached the "now what?" phase. I didn't sleep at all last night, just laid here bored all night. I felt pretty decent this morning, strong, and then I got up and took a shower and that used up all the energy I had, and I'm back to being exhausted. I still keep trying to be productive, Christmas shopping online, and I just keep tiring myself out. I think it's time to try and enforce a break from doing anything productive and just sit and read magazines for a few days. Otherwise, there's nothing to report, which is good, if boring. Incisions are starting to look healed, I'm feeling better, and I'm even considering a return to the downstairs world in the forseeable future. Not today, but soon. Off to force feed myself.

Blurgh.

That't the most creative title I could come up with. I'm feeling the effects of my "active" weekend in a very, very big way. I took a walk, F O U R whole houses down the street to the mailbox to mail a letter, so I did my exercise for the day. Now I am staying in bed. My incision hurts, and I'm sick. I woke up with the distinct impression that I have a cold or flu starting, which is the last thing I need, obviously. Sneezing is out of the question. It simply will not be allowed. But, my head hurts, I have the sniffles, my ears hurt and are plugged up the wazoo and I feel like crap. Even if I had any doubts about whether I was actually coming down with something, they can be immediately silenced by the fact that I'm dying for fried chicken. Since childhood, being sick = craving fried chicken. Don't ask me why, but it's true, isn't it Mom? My loving husband is making a pilgrimage to KFC while in Chico, so all should be well soon. I'm guessing that this whole cancer-and-major-invasive-surgery thing means my immune system is probably a little bit wussy right now, so I'm going to try and take extra care. I'm going back to bed now with my favorite book this hour, "Wesley The Owl: The Remarkable Love Story of an Owl and His Girl." I highly recommend it.

Yes, I'm feeling it...

Sleepy blue gnu. I am tired. Yesterday's outing and other moving around did me in.

Well, today's grand activities included general tidying up of the bedroom and helping Lloyd change the sheets on the bed. There was much walking around the room and some mild stretching and bending, and I am feeling virtuous for having exercised. Now I'm taking the rest of the day off.


I hope y'all realize that this blog isn't a terribly exciting thing anymore. There is no more surgery (we sure as hell hope) to prepare for, and just some fairly mundane daily frustrations of recovery. I'm definitely testing my limits a little each day, stretching up a little further, bending a little more, even staying downstairs for several hours last night for our traditional Saturday night family movie time. Sometimes it feels good, sometimes it doesn't feel so good. But it's all pretty boring to report, unless you want an hourly progress update on my bladder problems! (which you don't)


Today felt good, doing just a little bit to tidy up the bedroom and have nice clean bedding, but I am definitely all swelly and edema-y now. That is the downside to the increasing activity, and Dawn says it'll last quite a while too. Lymphedema is a lovely puffy swelling in my upper thighs and pelvic area, thanks to the accumulation of lymph fluid since I no longer have any pelvic lymph nodes.

I am bummed that I can't go participate in the vast outdoor Halloween decorating that is going on down there, but I have to accept that much. Lloyd and the young ones will do a great job. We do as much these days for Halloween as we do for Christmas, so I'll have to be sure to take some photos once the goblins have finished their decor. There's another piece of that small-town vibe--people really, seriously get into holidays around here! I should be more than recovered enough to do plenty at Christmas, and I will do my normal little bits of indoor Halloween decor, so I'll have to be satisfied with that.

So, I took a nice hot shower (which is almost exercise in itself), put on my squooshers, as I call them (Spanx long leg compression garments, OH-SO-fashionable), some nice clean warm jammies and crawled into my nice bed with 2 dogs (one of whom is apparently having some interesting dreams), 2 cats, my knitting, leftover Chinese food and the Food Network. For now, I feel that life is complete.

Walking, but not roller skating.

Yet. It was pretty hard to resist though, even knowing that I'd drop about 5 minutes after I hit the rink floor.

Yes, I made my first out-of-the-house excursion today (excluding one doctor's appointment and trip to Rite-Aid) to the roller rink for Em's birthday party, which was entertaining. I was just hugely jealous that I wasn't able to get out there and go zooming around like back in the old Roller World days.

But I promise, I am walking, daily. It may be as simple as going downstairs, feeding the dogs, taking them out potty, bringing them back in, getting myself some water, and walking back upstairs to my bed, but anyone who's been here can testify that's not too bad, actually. I've got a treadmill here in the bedroom, so I figure I need to start doing a few minutes a day on the lowest speed soon. I even sat on the floor yesterday and gently tested some of my stretches, to see how it felt. So, I'm getting there.

But not tomorrow.

My little excursion of 2 hours sitting on a bench in a roller rink has exhausted me. Sitting, and a few walks to the bathroom. Serious exhaustion. Just the muscle ache in my back and abs from sitting upright and unsupported like that did me in.

Dawn warned me today that it took her 9 months before she was back to normal enough to go back to work, and 6 months just for post-catheter issues to resolve. *sigh* It's depressing to know that it's going to take that long, but it's really good to talk to someone who's been through this exact thing and knows the score. Helps me feel better that where I'm at right now is "normal" for this point after surgery. So for that, thanks bunches.

Now I'm going to attempt to eat, and attempt to do more serious resting.

Ho Hum

There is very little, if anything, to report. That's good news on one hand, boring news on the other. I'm bored. I'm only 2 weeks out of surgery and the cabin fever is setting in, which is very, very not good. I keep thinking of projects I want to do, but they all involve being somewhere and doing something other than laying in my bed. I'm supposed to still be laying in my bed. Grrr.

I need to force myself to get into a good book or two. Or something. I keep falling prey to that "must be doing something productive" syndrome now that I'm home, which is really frustrating. I can go do some holiday shopping online, I suppose....BLURGH.

Ok, yesterday was 2 full weeks out from surgery. It seems like a hell of a lot longer in some ways. Maybe I should decide that I'm allowed to go downstairs and work on holiday gift projects (those which require sitting at the counter on my stool or something, not laying in bed or on the couch) once I hit 4 weeks. Is that reasonable?

Update, take 2

Many things are better. Dancing chickens kind of better!

I tried to update yesterday, but blogger ate it. Bad blogger. I was able to get the oncologist to give the ok for the gyn up here in Chico to remove the horrendous tube, and he did, almost-painlessly. Almost. But it is GONE!!!!!!!! Within an hour, I could walk straighter, and was in less discomfort and felt like a huge weight was lifted.

Even more exciting, the gyn gave me permission to take nice hot soaks in the tub, checked everything and said it was healing well, and generally gave me some nice, close attention that made me feel good. If anyone ever needs a referral to a GREAT doc up here in Chico, by all means, let me know. I owe Aimee big time on all this!

Dearest Auntie voluntarily took over the barf-cleaning mission from Lloyd, who Auntie says was turning green pretty much all over. Most everything in the bedroom was saved, including the lives of many stuffed animals, and the little one and I (and of course the stuffed animals) are deeply grateful.

In short, it all worked out in the end, but we couldn't have done it without her! Whew!

I think all the combined stress from Monday hit me yesterday, so after Lloyd left to take Auntie to the airport (our attempts to keep her from ever leaving didn't work) I took a nice hot bath (dr's orders!) and then crawled in bed and slept for what turned out to be the entire day. The ENTIRE day. I remember vague snippets of things before finally waking up and staying awake somewhere after 8 pm, and I was back down for the count just after 10, like normal. I think I was tired.

Goals for the day are exciting things like taking another bath and not sleeping all day. I don't think I'm going to get much more ambitious than that. Ambition is overrated.

Adjusting the countdown clock....

Now, your guess is as good as mine when I get this foul thing removed. The plan was to leave at 1-ish, head down to Mtn View, pull the sucker and be happy, leaving the children in Auntie's oh-so-capable hands. That did not take into account the little one projectile vomiting bloody goo (bloody-nose leftovers) all over her entire room, repeat, ENTIRE room, at 3 am.

We have issues. We are not happy campers. I would almost swear that the stupid catheter is causing the weird leg and hip pain and spasms and fluid retention/edema in my upper legs which are making it near-impossible to rest much less sleep.

Oh, and it decided to pop a leak last night, coming un-coupled at a coupler that I didn't realize WAS a coupler.

No, not happy campers, nosirree.

So, right now I'm working the phones trying to get my oncologist down in Mtn View to ok for either my OB/GYN in Chico or the happy, nice ER doc here in town (who is, by coincidence an OB/GYN too) to pull this sucker and buy me a few days time before we have to drive down there. At least then we can deal with the biohazard cleanup at home...... My poor Auntie isn't going to want to come visit me anymore!

Time for more crossing of fingers, toes, and any other stray appendages.
And yes mother, I am eating. Not much, no, but I am eating and there are witnesses.

Only 20 hours and 9 minutes!

Yes, my entire existance now revolves around the moment this horrific catheter gets removed from my body. I CAN NOT WAIT to get rid of this thing!!! If I had the brain power to count the seconds, I would, but I definitely don't. So, I'll continue to distract myself with watching cartoons. It's "Simpsons" time, and Auntie took my entire herd out to dinner at one of our 2 actual restaurants in town.

Having her here has been incredible for all of us. It's like a nice, normalizing, calm presence in the house for the kids, someone who is more than capable of preparing food, helping with things, you know. I hate missing any of her visit, but at the same time, knowing that she is going to be here tomorrow to make sure everyone's ok, make dinner, and even tuck the little one into bed takes a huge load off my mind.

Not much else going on around here except me being in all sorts of discomfort. It's time for beddy bye now.

A hint of fall in the air

Sparky says "hi."
Sparky loves you, whether you like it or not.

Today is one of those days just designed for laying in bed under warm quilts and doing precisely nothing. It rained cats and dogs and frogs yesterday, and it's still gray and ooky. Lucky me, I don't have any major commitments beyond laying in bed. That works out well. Maybe I'll invite the little one and Auntie up here for a chick-flick movie fest or something.

Medical stats for the day: Still have a UTI, which is irritating as hell in all possible ways. Today's morning fever was 100.7. Woke up with such a sore, inflamed throat that it was almost swollen closed. I frankly wonder if I have a bit of a cold or allergy thing I'm fighting off, my darling husband says it's because I snore with my mouth open all night. Whatever.

Still not so hot on eating--breakfast yesterday was fine, and my darling husband went and got me the special garlic bread I love for dinner as long as I promised to eat a little pizza too, but the McDonalds I wanted so badly for lunch bounced almost on impact. Oh well. It's a triumph to get anything in me, because the ER doc on Thursday said that very bad word, "ketones." If you know about diabetes, you'll know how bad that is, if not, let me tell you--it's bad. Diabetic ketones kill. Your body starts attacking the glucose in cells and breaking them down to get what it needs when you don't have enough nutrients. Serious bad news. So, if it's only garlic bread, FINE, it's food.

In less pain from the surface infections around the catheter suture sites & those are getting a little less red, pus-sy and angry looking. The big-ass HOLE where my jp drain was is now pretty well closed over, thank the gods. That thing gave me the heebie-jeebies.

My main incision still looks remarkably like Jack Skellington's mouth, though not as much as it did with the staples still in. Maybe for Halloween this year it'd be more effective if I UN-dressed rather than dressed up.

Oh, and for even more fun, I'm going to work on sort of "mapping" the scars and incision holes on my abdomen. Once I get that part done, perhaps I'll offer a special prize for the person who comes up with the best dot-to-dot design for me to tattoo on.

I'm back...........

I'm very, very, very tired, and dealing with a myriad of side effects and "icks" as I call them, but I am indeed back. I'm thrilled to be home. Doggies and fluffy kitty cats do wonders for morale, and I'm surrounded by them.

After surviving the trip home from the hospital, I've been settling in at home and doing a lot of sleeping. (and realizing that I've forgotten how to type over the last week or so) This is the first time I've had the energy to pick up the computer, so forgive me if I'm slow at getting back to emails and all. It's going to take me a while to ramp back up!

On the medical side, I seem to have a urinary tract infection (yay), and some slight surface infections where my nasty catheter is sewn to me. When he mentioned a catheter, I figured he meant your standard Foley cath, which goes through the urethra; OH NO, I had to get a suprapubic catheter, which is somehow going from the outside of me to the inside of me, by means I'm not interested in understanding, and is sutured in four places. ICK. I hate this thing. I have hot flashes alternating with fever chills. I have all sorts of other icky things, but as I keep reminding myself, they're all better than cancer, right?

Monday, we head back down to Mtn View to get the nasty thing removed, and hopefully my quality of life will increase dramatically at that point!!!

On the non-medical side, Auntie is here, which is a huge morale boost for me and everyone else in the household, especially a certain little girl who gets home from camp today. Thank you to everyone for the good wishes, flowers, visits, goodies, cows, notes and everything else. And especially thank you to the CIO for her detailed updates! I promise to catch up on email as soon as I can. The energy level is still low, but it gets better every day, a little at a time.

PS: A special Hippo Birdie to my favorite guitar player! (even if I am 2 days late)