First of all, I discovered all that the Feather River Cancer Center has to offer. I may be able to do some of my post-op therapies there, be it radiation, chemo or both. They have an affiliation with Loma Linda and have a radiation thingamabob that's the absolute state of the art, no one else has one, blah blah. They have nutritionist support and massage available when you get treatment there. They have a healing garden with a burbling stream and waterfalls that I'm quite fond of already, a giant tank full of some of the most colorful, beautiful freshwater tropical fish I've ever seen, and the bonus of being located up on the mountain ridge, underneath towering pines.
Most importantly, they have Shelley, who is a social worker there. Lloyd found her through some combination of phone calls, and she worked some sort of magic that signed me up for full-scope Medi-Cal coverage for the duration of my cancer treatment, through the federally funded Breast & Cervical Cancer Treatment Program, aka BCCTP.
This is phenomenal news. Now, not every doctor I'm going to be working with takes Medi-Cal, and not every single thing that may need to get done to me is necessarily going to be covered, BUT it seems that a very, very large percentage of it is.
At this point, I'm still learning about the program, and trying to figure out just what it will mean to get "full scope Medi-Cal" during this treatment. As far as I can figure, if full-scope Medi-Cal normally covers it, I get it...and full-scope covers things like dental work. Hmm.....now THAT is intriguing! Hell, if I'm already going through cancer therapy, what's a little major jaw excavation, right? We shall see. All in all, I think I'm still stunned that such a miracle of financial aid exists, and more than a little suspicious that it's all a big hoax, or we just misunderstood, and I'm waiting for someone to pull the rug out from under me.
The bad news to report over the last few days is that frankly, I feel like hell. Or worse. I had to promise myself last night that I would write that on here today. When I started this, it was to keep all y'all informed on my real progress, not just write some faux-pithy cancer travelogue.
So, here it is: I feel TERRIBLE. I am having moderate to severe cramping, and this achingburningstabbingthrobbing pain across the lowest part of my back that is so severe it wakes me up in the night and in the morning.
Until I see the oncologist on Monday, I really don't have any pain management plan in place, meaning no meds, so until then I'm gobbling advil and aleve and hoping not to eat a hole in my stomach. And sleeping a lot...a lot more than I want to be sleeping. I feel guilty for deserting everyone.
I shouldn't feel guilty--Scout mentioned the joke gravestone inscription (we can't remember where we've seen it--Disneyland?) that says "See, I told you I was sick." I have a good reason for feeling like utter crap, but still with the guilt.
And, while my Medi-Cal news should have made me giddy with joy, for some reason I've been unexplainably deeply sad and depressed ever since yesterday afternoon. Sad, near tears, bleh. I have no idea why, maybe just because I'm in so much pain and because I'm tired of being in pain!
So, that is the unvarnished truthful report of how I am doing as of today. Cancer is not any fun, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Scout passed along Megan's "Fuck Cancer" coffee mug, and I am deeply honored. She pulled it off, and so will I...I just have to accept that I'm allowed to hate it along the way. Hopefully today is going to be a day of resting and returning email and nothing more stressful than that.
Late breaking update to the continuing "catbox" saga:
New day, new cat, same box.
See?
3 comments:
Love the CatBox Chronicles, keep em coming.
Sadly, we said goodbye to Gavin yesterday morning, it was 'time' after he had gotten an extension on life for a bit to spend some quality time with us thanks to the meds. He almost saw his 15th bday which would've been next month in October...life just isn't the same without the pets...
Maybe... sad and teary because after all the frantic flutter of activity that got you such forward progress, you now sit and wait (in pain) for more progress.Waiting is harder than going to do battle so just don't be hard on yourself. You are doing a great job and I am so proud of you! Have a peaceful, restful day. Auntie loves you
The Medi-cal news is awesome. I am so happy to hear that and no matter what they pay for, it is something you don't have to pay for. That is a win no matter how you look at it.
Have Lloyd go get you some Motrin and some extra strength Tylenol. You can take those together and up the amount of pain meds you take without burning out your stomach. It will help, trust your mother on this one.
Pain will make you sad and weepy, especially when you're tired and you sleep is disturbed. All of that would be enough on its own.
But stop for a minute and think about what you did yesterday and where you went. No matter how nice the place is or how kind the staff, think of the psychological impact of walking into a cancer treatment center and being the patient. No matter how freakin real this has been before, that makes it beyond real. Add it to how bad you're feeling physically and it's no wonder you're sad. I'd worry more if you weren't affected by all this.
You are the strongest of the strong and the bravest of the brave, but you aren't stainless steel. There will be good days and bad days. You just do the best you can with the day you're given.
Day by day, hour by hour.
Love you
Mom
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